This material is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or psychotherapeutic advice. If you are experiencing an acute psychological condition or need professional support, please contact a doctor, psychologist, psychotherapist, or crisis service.
How does this happen?
Endless to-do lists and constant pressure (not to mention non-stop meetings) will drive even the hardest-working manager out of his mind. And yet, you can learn to balance the pressure and at the same time motivate others to improve themselves.
It turns out that just being friends with direct subordinates is not so easy. You move from one gang to another. You understand, of course, that now that you are the Chief, everything is different. At the same time, you are still the same person - friendly and ready to help. Why do you become an outsider?
Let's go back to the beginning
The promotion opportunity that you have been dreaming about for three long years has appeared. You secretly hope that they will hire an "inside" person, and not some unknown and good-for-nothing upstart who knows nothing about your field of work. You, together with several colleagues, propose your candidacies. Jackpit! Wise leadership chooses you. You spend the whole Sunday dragging folders and all sorts of trinkets from your corner to an office with a real door.
You are visited by a brilliant idea: to open a new era by arranging a welcome breakfast with rolls for colleagues on Monday morning.
You arrive an hour early, mumbling something under your breath, and meticulously prepare the kitchen, not missing a single detail. You put up a sign that says "Treat yourself" for new subordinates. Savoring the pleasure, you return to your office so as not to disturb anyone, and await the flow of thanks.
Polite manners are clearly outdated, you quietly say to yourself closer to 11 in the morning. You're hitting the keys harder than necessary, sending out letters explaining the new system you're stubbornly trying to implement. No one thanked you for breakfast, much less congratulated you on your new position and moving to a new office.
What is the matter?
Now everything is different. Your inseparable friends are now your subordinates, and "mixing these two crafts" is not worth it. Remember how your mother told you: I am not your friend! I'm a mother!" It seems that you can get confused here.
I have bad news for you. Sit down, please. Make a handle on former work relationships. Now you are their boss, not their friend.
Let me explain: the other employees who applied for the position think they deserve it more than you do. They are angry. In addition, they will look for confirmation of their opinion about you and wait for you to make a mistake. It won't be long (I don't mind having to let you know). They knew you weren't professional enough.
Cognitive dissonance occurs.
We just have to be right, right? Must. There is a strong incentive to be right. When we strongly believe in something and something destroys our belief, our brains just boil to challenge this data. Sometimes we don't even think about the information we receive. Cognitive dissonance can cause people to deny information that contradicts their existing belief system.
Let's put together a puzzle. Those who fought with you for this job believed they deserved it. It's easy to conclude that you stand between them and their well-deserved promotion. Therefore, at least, at first it will be difficult for them to recognize that you are qualified enough for this position. You will have to place them to yourself. Not that it's impossible, no. Simply, it will require a train of time, patience and the creation of many contacts.
In addition, sooner or later everyone who works with you will have to give feedback on the results of their work. This, as a rule, is not the most pleasant activity. Especially if the system is built in such a way that your guys are used to going with the flow. It's best to establish positive relationships early in your career in a new position...while, of course, not losing your authority as a manager.
Imagine that you have a very good friend at work - you even consider him your best friend - and you are confident that your relationship will at least not be damaged by the storm associated with your promotion.
Maybe you are right. There are exceptions to every rule. I don't want to sound like a depressive bore, but this situation creates a lot of problems. Imagine you! - Accusations of favoritism will begin. Both you and your friend will find yourself in an extremely uncomfortable position. No one will tell you this to your face. But employees will confirm each other's assumptions, increasing confusion and vacillation.
Every step you take
The higher you rise, the more often you are analyzed and discussed. You are constantly being watched.
It is pleasant and exciting for a select few. For most, this is a bitter pill. Every move you make in public is watched, every step is explained. Have you ever realized the report in how much attention you get?! Don't dwell on it.
One Thinking VP of Marketing with a great creative streak admitted:
“I've faced backlash—unfortunately more than once—when I didn't fully understand the impact of what I was saying or how I was saying it. And after that, I have to compensate for the damages, which is not always possible."
I don't envy celebrities. It seems to me that their life differs from imprisonment only in external decorations. Imagine: you can't go to the park, the playground, the grocery store, the local bistro without being looked at, photographed, or written notes in newspapers. Personal space disappears as quickly as one-day hits.
The lives of executives in most professions do not, of course, match the level of scrutiny of the lives of superstars in sports, music, movies and royalty, but they are watched too. The fact that you decide to order a large triple hot vanilla latte with no foam and skim milk from Starbucks on the first floor of the office is unlikely to get your photo on the cover of the tabloids. This is just the potential reason that some of the employees behind you rushing to order coffee in the morning line will look up from their phones and give you an annoyed look.
On the other hand, when you are in a position of influence, the resonance increases if you treat employees well, conduct volunteer campaigns, and train newcomers. General attention provides an opportunity to become a positive role model.
Let's talk about the impact of coaching styles. Our society, accustomed to the "everyone gets their own trophy" model, takes what I call "positivity" seriously. A manager's job is to keep employees positive, right? In relation to yourself, to your tasks and, as a result, to the manager as well.
An imbalance in such management entails sad consequences. A positive-minded coach uses every opportunity to encourage effort because he believes it motivates employees. The missing element in the equation is a healthy mix of motivation and inspiration. A positive manager often praises employees even for mediocre results.
A positive result or a positive attitude?
My leadership development programs often include exercises that at first glance seem impossible to the participants. The teams are given a group task, after which they have to tell me that they have achieved, in their opinion, the most positive result possible with the available resources. As a rule, the participants soon call me over and declare that the task is completed. But the level of work is much lower than average. I refuse to accept the result and say: I'm sure they can do better. I remind them that I am very busy and ask them not to bother me again until the result is 200% improved. After that I move away (this is my favorite part).
All of the several hundred teams I've worked with have managed to exceed their own expectations. The interest of the participants looks very funny. The whole process ends with group photos, fraternizing and sometimes not quite decent funny dances.
What happened that caused such an improvement in the result ... and incidentally strengthened the team spirit? In fact, inspiration for a positive result is more important than a positive attitude.
Here's a compelling argument: Results-oriented leadership brings more positivity to teams than mood-oriented leadership.
The natural features of many contribute to the fact that they become coaches focused on a positive attitude. However, it is the encouragement of self-improvement, the achievement of remarkable results, and not focusing on previous successes that helps both the coach and the team to feel good. A wonderful result is a natural drug. And the coach also scores points, having earned respect and admiration.
As the head of one marketing company stated, "My boss is very demanding, and although our styles are very different, she has taught me to expect and get more from my employees."
When people do boring routine work, they feel mediocre. In this case, praise does not cause pleasure. Instead, their value decreases. Employees realize that their manager is setting the bar low, and take an example from him. In the same way, they treat the result of their work as something average, nothing more.
When we face challenges and pressures, we rise to a new level of expectation. This exercise proves my point. If you missed it, come back now. It will take a few minutes and you will understand everything. Keep moving in the right direction.
Jumping through the hoop
Coaching mandate
Grab a pen and spend a minute doing this exercise. Close your eyes…but don't fall asleep. Think of a favorite coach from any time in your life. It can be a sports coach, a mentor in studies, a family member, a teacher, a friend - the essence is clear. The first person that comes to your mind is usually your "mandate".
My favorite trainer: ________________
Now make a list of adjectives that characterize this person: ______________
Consider the list. Was this person an upbeat coach? Did he push you to overcome yourself and was, accordingly, aimed at a positive result? More often than not, the best coaches are models of toughness out of mercy. We understand that they invest in us, believe in our potential and strive for our success. Their faith in us is not expressed in a stream of nauseatingly enthusiastic epithets. On the contrary, they make fun of us, pressure us, mock us so that we overcome, overcome and once again overcome the existing barriers. We are trying our best to reach the level that they consider successful for us.
To be an inspirational manager, demonstrate the qualities you value and earn the respect of your team. Create a springboard for them, thanks to which they can jump higher than their heads.
Why is the consensus outdated!
Involving the team in decision-making can seem like the infamous Pandora's box. Therefore, many managers act alone. And yet, if this process is properly organized, employees will develop a sense of responsibility and involvement. In addition, you will get rid of the heavy burden of making a decision alone.
The key point is structuredness and perceived fairness.
I am against consensus. Despite the fact that it is usually considered a sacred cow in corporate culture. We need to reach a consensus! Consensus is mandatory! Everyone should strive for consensus.
In a typical work culture, seeking consensus can be a major drain on energy, time, and resources. But how the hell to achieve it? In any group where there are more than two participants, achieving consensus is a very bold endeavor. People have different points of view, views, interests and personal characteristics. Saying we won't do anything until we come to an agreement is crazy, right? What to do when people can't agree? Lock them in a boardroom for a few weeks and hope for the best?
In fact, people want justice. They need to believe that they are taken seriously and that their opinion is taken into account. This is not the same as a permanent "win".
Try multivoting. It has everything: simplicity, fairness, ease of use, flexibility. It looks good too. Maybe not always so. I guess it depends on what stickers you use. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Let's say you are a member of a group (of six to a hundred people) that needs to either prioritize a list of options or choose a direction.
Place the options, printed (or written) in large print on letters, throughout the room. Give each individual three small stickers. Anything will do: circles, stars; you can give free rein to your wild imagination and come up with something unusual. I usually don't get it very well.
Participants vote by placing stickers next to their chosen option(s). If someone prefers one option that is optimal for him, he will give it all three votes. If he has the first (preferred) and second (slightly less preferred) options, he will place two stickers opposite the first and one opposite the second. If he is equally interested in the three options, he can distribute all three stickers - one for each.
During a normal vote, participants raise their hand, supporting the option that is optimal for them. Multi-voting allows them to show how much they support that option... and flag other possible options.
Every time I use multivoting, there are a couple of clear winners. Votes are concentrated in a group consisting of one to three options.
This method is effective because no one feels left out. It is a fair and open system.
If in a group of several people I am the only one who votes for an option, I may be a little disappointed, but I will not be able to dispute the fairness of the decision.
As a result, participants decide much faster than if they had to reach a consensus.
There are options for multivoting that are suitable for almost any situation. You can make the process anonymous by asking participants to place stickers (or other markers) in the envelopes rather than placing them on the sheets themselves. You can use a virtual form. After all, it is possible to conduct multivoting on the street without using stickers, but by asking participants to raise a finger (or two or three). The decision will be impartial. In general, the idea is clear.
Arrows
This exercise seems simple only at first glance. I give teams of three to eight people a set of seven plastic geometric figures, one of which is shaped like an arrowhead. Minimum instructions: using all the parts, create five arrows of the same size and shape at the same time.
What could be simpler?
Some groups cope with the task quickly, some take half an hour or more, some cannot solve the task at all. Most often, groups realize that it is easy to assemble four arrows, but the fifth lacks parts. I carefully count the seven pieces on the table and assure them that there are enough resources.
Have you ever worked with a team that would claim the same? "We don't have enough resources to complete the task"? And then another team achieves the impossible with the same or even fewer resources?
Sometimes one of the participants chooses the shortest path. He clings to the statement that the task is impossible. Even after other teams gleefully announce their success, he continues to see the task as doomed. And repeats it again and again.
I know from experience that his team will lose. And so it happens. It is worth speaking to one unbelieving Thomas - and the hope of victory is completely shattered.
The most common mistake I see in these situations is that the negative opinion is voiced too loudly or for too long, before the team has had a chance to examine the situation, and the manager does not stop it. Negative energy can threaten the performance of the entire team.
When you ignore or downplay the importance of one person's negative thought, the effect spreads far beyond their individual consciousness. Talk to him, find a reason, discuss alternatives, ask for support. Do not let a small flame turn into a wild bonfire that will destroy everything at the root.
By the way, this arrow puzzle requires out-of-the-box thinking. It is necessary to go beyond stereotypes, in this case – to think with arrows. Four of them are made from parts, and the fifth - by placing them in space. This is just in case you're wondering.
Relationships: How They Affect Outcomes
Some managers believe that results, not relationships, are most important. However, they are closely and even inextricably linked with each other. First of all, there is a discrepancy in how the manager's communication with subordinates is evaluated by himself and the people around him. Research has shown that 92% of managers gave themselves an excellent or good rating for managing employees, while only 67% of their subordinates agreed. It's no wonder managers spend an average of seven or more hours a week dealing with interpersonal conflicts.
Time wasted on conflict and poor communication leads to lower employee retention and reduced profits. Investing time in establishing clear communications can significantly reduce the list of work problems.
Be flexible!
You are the center of attention, so make a conscious effort to always be friendly, open, and positive. At the same time, helping employees overcome self-imposed boundaries is a managerial version of cruelty out of mercy, which allows you to create a stronger and more motivated team.