We often hear those sweet, thoughtless words: "Hey, just be yourself!" The vast majority of people are constantly trying to be "different from everyone else." We want to stand out, and many firmly believe that we are all unique, like snowflakes, and that everyone has their own distinct path.

Philosophers nod in agreement: "Yes, we are all different; just relax and be yourself." But...

Ask the marketers who dream up advertising slogans and suck money out of people like a powerful vacuum cleaner. They will tell you the truth: we are all terrifyingly identical. We are driven by the same triggers: fear, greed, lust, and vanity. Or ask the ethologists who study instincts. They will confirm: the instinct of self-preservation dominates in humans. That is why people love themselves, protect themselves, and want to reproduce with minimal effort.

If you look at the phrase "be yourself" globally, it turns out it’s not about freedom. It’s about psychological sludge like "listen to your inner voice." The problem is that this inner voice is often so pathetic and terrified that listening to it is simply dangerous.

Look at this mess around us. Example #1: Body and Health. Here are women (and men too) carrying bags of fatty, unhealthy food home. Yet, they genuinely want to look good; they buy expensive clothes for a body that lost its tone long ago. Why do they do this? Instead of eating properly and going to the gym, they decided to "be themselves." They listened to the inner voice that whispered: “You’re tired today, eat this cake, you deserve it, love yourself the way you are.” And they agreed. The result? Shortness of breath on the third floor and hatred for the mirror.

Example #2: Relationships. Look at the "woman's pillow" that smells of tears. He hurt her and left. She is suffering. But why does this happen to her again and again? Because she "remains herself." Her personality is used to being a victim, choosing "bad boys," and she doesn't know how to be different. The inner voice tells her: “Well, this is love, you have to endure it, such is my fate.” She simply didn't know that she could be something more than a set of old traumas. And in her next relationship, she will step on the same rake again.

Example #3: Male Infidelity. I’ve already written about this. Why do men cheat? Because they listen to their inner voice (instinct), which sings to them about novelty and adventure. The inner voice urges them to be weak in the face of temptation, while the mind pretentiously frames this into a banal excuse: "I am who I am, a polygamous male." This is a lie. This is simply the inability to say "No" to one's gut. The ability to say "Shut up, you filthy bastard" to your momentary desires for the sake of something greater — that is an action. But "being yourself" in that moment means being an animal.

Over time, a person who always "is themselves" becomes lazy and passive. They wanted to become a Personality with a capital P, but remained just regular Pete or Sarah on the couch. They didn't know the main secret: to grow, you need to stop being yourself and become someone else.

I hope you understand where I’m going with this? The inner voice is often laziness and idleness. It is a coward designed to make our life comfortable and safe (like in a prison). And as a result — fruitless.

That is why I believe that self-love comes in two types:

The most vivid example is smokers and alcoholics. They "listen to themselves" perfectly. The body asks for nicotine — they give it. They live in complete harmony with their weaknesses. Do you want that kind of harmony?

What does a person feel when offered to speak in public? Fear. The inner bastard screams: “To hell with it, let's make an excuse, say you're sick!” The first one listens and "remains himself" (a frightened introvert). The second one, feeling the same terror, puts on the mask of the Confident Speaker, goes out, and does it.

We are not obliged to be ourselves. A whole crowd of personalities lives inside us. Here are my favorites:

This isn't just about walks under the moon. The Romantic is the ability to see beauty where others see dirt. We live in concrete boxes. "Being yourself" means walking to work looking at your feet. But the Romantic will stop in the middle of a traffic jam to see how beautifully the headlights reflect on the wet asphalt. He finds notes of oak even in cheap whiskey, drinking it on the hood of a car. The Romantic turns an ordinary dinner into an event simply by lighting a candle. He reminds himself and others that life is not just utility bills.

I get a kick out of this personality. This is the ability to say "Stop" to the program that the majority finds convenient to adapt to.

This personality knows how to charge others with energy. Remember that colleague who walks into the office and suddenly everyone wants to work because he is on fire with an idea. Or a friend who calls and says: "Get ready, we're going to the mountains," and you, forgetting about laziness, go. The Inspirer can turn routine into a game. I am writing this text with enthusiasm to charge you up. You can wash dishes with pleasure if you turn on this personality and imagine that it is meditation or preparation for a great deed.

Your life is a construction set, not a life sentence. You are not required to live out your days with the default settings you were given in childhood. True freedom is not finding yourself, but creating yourself.

Where do you get these new roles? Where do you find the courage for the Rebel or the wisdom for the Romantic? We have created an entire arsenal for this. Our metaphorical cards, workbooks, and diaries are your fitting room for new personalities and a gym for your psyche.