Many of us are used to seeing ourselves as the unfortunate effect, and the world around us as the cheeky cause. From this position, it's quite convenient, you know, to blame everyone and everything for what happened.

For example:

If we generalize, this approach sounds like: "Circumstances run my life; I'm just a passenger in the back seat." ?

But we have a scoop for you! In reality, that's nonsense. Any circumstances (events) are the consequences of our reactions to previous events.

Your reactions happen inside, in your head, and in your personal, very emotional theater. They belong only to you! And you, my dears, ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE how to react.

Let's say your child (or, even funnier, your husband) does something again that pulls you out of your zen state. You can:

Subsequent events are not the consequence of their action, but the consequence of YOUR CHOICE OF REACTION. When the kid cries, your next actions depend ONLY on your reaction to their crying. You have a full arsenal of reactions, and you bear the FULL RESPONSIBILITY for the one you choose.

? A relevant joke: Ask yourself, wringing your hands: "I can't take this anymore!!!" And then answer honestly: "What if someone paid me $40,000 right now for the next two hours of gentle, loving conversation with my beloved, whimpering child... Could I be sweet and kind then?"

In 99% of cases, you'll not only be able to, but you'll realize that $40,000 isn't the main thing. The main thing is that being calm is better for you and for the child. Now the ball is in your court. You can explode if you want, or you can remain an iceberg of calm. Just, for heaven's sake, don't blame the child (husband, mother-in-law, cat) for THEY caused your change of mood.

The guru of modern psychology, Stephen Covey (don't forget to Google him, he's great!) divides people into reactive and proactive. Being proactive is like having a bulletproof vest against life's troubles.

Imagine: you leave the house in the morning, mood – "I am a Superhero!", plan for the day – "Conquer the world!". Then it starts to rain.

A proactive person didn't sign a contract with every person they meet that they will get upset if someone steps on their foot! They don't allow anyone to press their "buttons" and pull the strings of their mood. They manage their life like an experienced captain.

And the reactive one? They're like a balloon that drifts wherever the wind blows.

A mother carries a huge responsibility not only for herself but also for the little "models" — the children. A child learns by copying our behavior. Therefore, every mistake a mother makes is at least 18 years of repetition in the child.

? A joke comes to mind: Little Johnny thought his name was "Shut-Up" until he was five...

What do you think that Little Johnny will say to his mom when he disagrees with her? (Probably "Shut-Up!")

By showing patience, joy, and enthusiasm, a mother gives her child a wonderful example of how to react to difficulties, rather than throwing a tantrum.

You say: "OK, I want to learn to choose the right reaction, to be this proactive person! But I'm used to reacting immediately and negatively. How do I change?"

To start, take a look at your personal Emotional Intelligence Diary and explore the MriyaRun catalog — there are useful tools for boosting awareness. Because to manage emotions, you need to know how they arrive.

Let's conditionally divide ourselves into three centers:

The Intellectual and Physical centers are under your direct control. You can easily manage your thoughts (think about the past, now switch to the present). You can control your body (stand up, sit down, smile).

However, the Emotional Center cannot be commanded directly. As folk wisdom says: "You can't order the heart!" But there is a secret: Emotions are managed through the Intellectual and Physical Centers.

Emotions are the consequence of the position your Thoughts and Muscles are in!

When you feel yourself starting to "run away" (and negative reactions hurt you more than the circumstances that cause them), you first need to press the "Neutralize" button.

When you calm down, engage the Three Buttons of Joy:

These words, like spells, are connected in the subconscious with a specific emotional state. Remember: "As you name the yacht, so shall it sail!"

By controlling the words we use, we influence our mood. Remove negative, angry, dirty words from your vocabulary — and negative emotions and circumstances will start to feel shy and leave your life.

Conclusion: Your whole life is the work of your own hands (and your buttons!). The choice to accept this or not is entirely up to you!