Emotional Intelligence: What It Is and Why It Matters

In a stained-glass workshop, a supervisor says, “This section will need redoing.” Mariia hears, “You are doing a bad job.” Her shoulders tense, and she is ready to list every change she has received that week. First, though, she asks, “Is the problem the colour of the glass or the dimensions? And when do you need the new version?” She still feels hurt, but there is now a chance to understand the task.

Several skills appear in this moment: recognising a personal response, separating what was said from an immediate conclusion, checking someone else’s position and choosing a reply. This is the kind of work with emotional information that the term emotional intelligence concerns. Mariia’s scene and the other examples below are fictional.

Emotional intelligence, often called EQ, concerns abilities to notice emotions, understand their meaning and take them into account when thinking and acting. Several parts of a response need to be distinguished. “I am angry” describes a feeling. “They are deliberately humiliating me” is an assumption about someone’s intention. “I am about to snap back” is an impulse that has not yet become an action.

A feeling may tell you that a situation matters. It does not automatically establish that your first explanation is accurate. Mariia might genuinely have encountered unfair criticism, or she might have heard a brief technical comment while exhausted. Details, context and conversation can help her distinguish between those possibilities.

Peter Salovey and John Mayer described their research conception of emotional intelligence in 1990. The ability model developed by Mayer, Salovey and David Caruso distinguishes four areas: perceiving emotions, using emotional information in thinking, understanding emotions and regulating them. This is a particular theoretical model rather than a list of qualities that make someone a “good person.”

Daniel Goleman brought the subject to a wide audience through his book Emotional Intelligence. His earlier, broader framework included self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills; he later revised the grouping of competencies. This framework encompasses more life and workplace competencies than the ability model. The numbers four and five therefore refer to different ways of organising the subject.

In everyday reflection, you might ask what you feel, what you connect it with, how it influences your attention and what action you choose. Motivation does not require constant inspiration. Sometimes a considered step is to reduce a task or recognise that you lack the resources to carry it out.

Joy, sadness, fear and anger can be useful starting points for a written reflection. It would be inaccurate, however, to say that most psychologists recognise only these four basic emotions. For example, Paul Ekman’s well-known classification also includes surprise and disgust. Different theories describe emotional experience differently; a simplified teaching framework cannot contain every human state.

Feelings may coexist. You can welcome a new job and fear being unable to cope, or grieve the end of a relationship while feeling relief. Instead of finding a single correct label, begin with a description: “The support feels reassuring, and the uncertainty is still unsettling.” Greater precision can emerge gradually through observation.

After a run, a friend answers briefly and barely looks at you. It is easy to assume he is angry. He may simply be catching his breath, thinking about his next task or have missed your question. An outward sign gives you a reason to ask; it does not provide direct access to someone else’s inner experience.

You could say, “Would you like a quiet moment, or has something happened?” and leave space for an answer. Empathy includes willingness to revise an assumption. Nor does it require agreement: you can understand another person’s disappointment while keeping your refusal in place.

In a conflict, these skills can help identify the actual disagreement, notice overload and return to an agreement. The conflict itself may remain because people have different interests, time and boundaries. An absence of arguments sometimes means that someone has stopped bringing up uncomfortable matters.

At work, attention to emotions can support feedback and cooperation. It cannot compensate for persistently excessive demands, humiliation or inadequate rest. Promising to prevent burnout through “correct emotional management” alone would make individuals responsible for conditions they do not necessarily control. Understanding other people’s feelings is not, by itself, a guarantee of ethical conduct either.

Begin with one recent episode that feels sufficiently safe to recall. Write down what happened, the feelings you noticed, your thoughts, your impulses and what you actually did. Add one alternative explanation and a possible next step. You do not need to reconstruct every minute of a day or find a traumatic origin for every irritation.

Mariia’s note might read: “My supervisor asked me to redo a section. I felt hurt and thought my work was being dismissed. I wanted to argue. I asked why; it turned out that the customer had changed the dimensions. Next time I will ask for changes to be recorded in one message.” If the criticism had been insulting, discussing boundaries around communication could instead have been an appropriate next step.

An ordinary notebook or the MriyaRun EQ emotions diary can hold these observations. The format makes room for an event, your interpretation and a choice; buying a tool does not establish a measured increase in EQ. Notes should not become evidence that you or someone close to you is “emotionally underdeveloped.” For separate exercises, continue to the seven practices for developing EQ.

Look for small differences: recognising tension earlier, asking a clarifying question, apologising for a sharp response or ending an unsafe conversation in time. One successful reply does not make every later situation easy. Tiredness, experience, health and surroundings affect what is available to you on a given day.

When a break is needed, you could step away from messages, change position or breathe at a comfortable pace without forcing it. Stop an exercise if it makes unpleasant sensations stronger. Persistent deterioration or danger calls for appropriate help; reflection cannot replace treatment or protection. Emotional skills can be developed gradually, without promising limitless improvement or requiring a flawless response every time.