This material is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or psychotherapeutic advice. If you are experiencing an acute psychological condition or need professional support, please contact a doctor, psychologist, psychotherapist, or crisis service.
Society certainly condemns envy. They even invented white envy to somehow justify themselves - primarily in their own eyes.
Congratulating others on their successes with a strained smile, we mentally chase away the waking frog. The unexpected truth is that the frog must be "fed" or it will enter your subconscious mind and control your thoughts and actions. Many people live like this, constantly proving to themselves and others that they are at least somehow better.
Comparing yourself to others is definitely related to self-esteem. This is especially evident if the child had a brother or sister as an example in childhood. Even in adulthood, such people strive for something "evil", try to prove to society that they are better and more worthy. It is interesting that the traces of such a comparison are visible not only in those who were set as an example of others, but also in those who were set as an example. When a child grows up with the subconscious belief that they are the best, making them jealous becomes one of their favorite pastimes.
The element of comparison in childhood is a frequent element of envy, but not the only one.
If the child is alone in the family, either insufficient recognition of the father or, on the contrary, constant positive reinforcement, which increases the fear of disappointment, can play a role. Comparison with abstract images leads to perfectionism - the desire to be the best in everything. Unfortunately, self-contempt, the feeling that "I'm not good enough" is often hidden under it. And so and so we come to the question of self-esteem.
Envy is an unconscious motive on which thoughts and actions are layered and which make a person unhappy. Competition, competition, the struggle for power and a place under the sun - any manifestation of the ego either attracts envy or creates it.
For some people, envy at the level of consciousness is hatred of everyone who is superior to them in some way, for others it is a positive desire to become better. Yes, envy can be a stimulus for achievements, a certain reference point or a motivator. The main thing is not to play. Constantly repeating to myself: What am I, worse? or "I'm not good at it either!", we actually remind our subconscious: "Yes, it's worse" and "It's worse."
Despite the fact that motivation is effective in the short term, it constantly leads to children's injuries. An emotionally mature person accepts his envy, lives it, but is not guided by it when making decisions and building relationships. In general, the more we learn not to dump our pain on others, not to involve them in our suffering and trauma, the freer and happier we become, even though it may not seem obvious at the moment.
There are two more variations of envy: to be happy that someone is worse off, and to be offended that someone had it easier. The first is unconditional evil, thus displacing the contempt that a person actually feels for himself, and transfers to others. The second is incorrect and, most likely, incorrect. Who told you that something was easier for others? The measure of suffering is so subjective! Some people who were beaten in childhood suffer sometimes no more and no longer in adulthood than those who were once forgotten to be picked up from kindergarten by loving parents. This is not cynicism, but the result of empirical observations over many years of practice. Our subconscious is such a thin and poorly studied substance that the categories "good - bad" and "many - little" are simply not applicable to it.
Awareness of resentment and a sense of injustice, dwelling on repressed emotions ease the state of envy. He understands: these feelings are in no way connected with reality, he gets rid of them, and envy goes with them.
Another way to deal with envy is rationalization, especially when it comes to envy of appearance or creative success, for example.
Here it is useful to remember that there are no objective scales. What is beauty? Who decides whether a person is beautiful or not? Or even more complicated: who decides whether a work of art is good? Or success is also a strictly subjective feeling. For one, success is money, for the second - family happiness, for the third - the opportunity not to work, for the fourth - self-realization. Rationalization helps to track one's ideas and connect with internal ideas about beauty, success, happiness, in order to then move towards them, and not towards what is imposed by society or parental upbringing.
Envy, like other emotions, is well dealt with by working with the state. The point is to recognize: envy has the right to exist, like any other feeling. You don't have to fight with her! She only gets stronger from this. It should be lived, and even better — to realize what it is caused by, what it is connected with, what you once lacked from loved ones and how to give it to yourself now.
A person adapts and finds ways to compensate for everything that was laid down in childhood. Instead of fighting with emotions and suppressing them, it is more productive to realize them, feel them - and live a full life. Yes, it is not easy, but behind the inevitable pain will be freedom: living in the depths of awareness.
- It is also important to remember that we often do not know about others. Let's say your colleague is given an easier task, but, first of all, you don't know if it's really so - or maybe he didn't sleep at night? And secondly, he may be more experienced than you at work, but completely unhappy in his personal life, which you have no idea about. This is not a depreciation of others, it is a reason to remember
Comparing oneself with others distracts from one's own feelings and desires, and in reality there is no basis for an objective comparison. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, wealth is not in specific amounts, and high intelligence does not mean happiness or joy, but high intelligence itself. It's a trap: you still won't be the best, but while you're trying to become, you fall into neurosis, the desire to please others, and self-depreciation.
Building your happiness by comparing yourself with others is controversial and very misleading: after all, at the very top, there will be no one to compare yourself to. It is much more difficult to build your own path based on your own feelings, desires and goals. It's more difficult, but that's the only way we can live in relative harmony. At least until someone else comes along who understood it and implemented it much earlier, faster and better.