This material is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or psychotherapeutic advice. If you are experiencing an acute psychological condition or need professional support, please contact a doctor, psychologist, psychotherapist, or crisis service.
Signs
- the desire to quickly spend the money just received,
- strong excitement when receiving large sums,
- refusal to pay or the habit of greatly underestimating the value of one's work,
- buying unnecessary and low-quality things that quickly break,
- the habit of lending money to untrustworthy people.
Blocks
1. For profit
"There are also completely offensive situations: for example, we get sick for important negotiations that promise a good profit, or we are late for them. In this way, a block on income is manifested."
2. For expenses
We save on small things, we buy only the cheapest things, we do not throw away old and worn clothes, but keep them "for rags". Some spend the whole day going to a distant store for a sale, keep unnecessary things at home based on the principle "it may come in handy", and on vacation are doomed to go to an unloved country house or stay at home because "you need to save".
3. For accumulation
"If the income sharply doubles, then the expenses will immediately increase. And if a large amount comes, for example, a profitable contract or an inheritance, then all this will quickly be spent on clothes, equipment, a car, travel, furniture renewal and super expensive repairs. The savings block prevents money from staying with the owner," says the expert.
Tips
How to bypass these blocks and allow financial flows to come into our life and enrich it? The psychologist suggests taking four steps in this direction.
1. Set goals
"Try to write down your goals without using the words "no" and "no" in the form of positive statements and statements. Instead of "I don't want to lose money" — "I want my apartment." Next, about each goal, you need to write what it gives: “My apartment is my stronghold of security, I will be able to live in it under any circumstances, no one will evict me if I lose a lot of income. My apartment will give more freedom: I want - I will call guests, I want - screws in the wall. I will be able to renovate it to my taste: paint the ceiling purple, hang pictures with good lighting, make a mirrored wall, put the furniture I've been dreaming of for a long time." Such "chips" give a lot of joy."
“Such a description provides motivation for change, as well as direction for work - when and how much money is needed. It is important not to dream for 20 minutes every day, but to create a bright image and use it as a "carrot", motivation - we waved in front of ourselves and we move on."
If you dream for 20 minutes, sending a request to the Universe, then the brain will decide that you already have an apartment (and the brain does not particularly divide reality and fantasies), and will not give you the strength to earn money. Our inner critic will definitely get stuck in a dream, it must be turned off. As? Change the wording.
"Part of the goals can be considered impossible, or unworthy, or too big. If it is difficult to write "I want not to work, but..." - write "I would like not to work, but..." or even: "I would like not to work, but to do what I love." Because the critic inside us will remind us that "everyone has to work, there's no need to believe in fairy tales." With the help of "b" we neutralize it."
2. Look for limitations
Successful interaction with money is often blocked by thinking. Therefore, finding these blocks is the second step. A lot depends on the process in which the barriers appeared in the acquisition, spending or accumulation process.
- Barrier of receipt. "In reality, we just get little money, as a result we have little money to live on and no savings."
- Barrier in savings. "Life can be fancy, but it's paycheck to paycheck. If there are problems with the source of income - dismissal, illness, pension, business bankruptcy - a person is extremely vulnerable, he does not have a safety cushion, and he immediately falls from usual wealth to poverty," the expert continues.
- Cost barrier. "A person can be rich, have good savings, but still live in poverty, unable to afford anything. And if you live in poverty, what is the use of savings?" asks the psychologist.
The reasons for the limitations often lie in the scripts that have come down to us from our species. We don't know other models, because that's how our parents, grandparents lived. Dealing with someone else's inherited script is one of the destinations on our way to a rich life. But how to see it?
Tell about your money rules to a conditional "Martian", that is, an essence that knows the meaning of words, but does not know the way of life on earth at all. Periodically put yourself in the role of a Martian and ask "Why?" For example, you can build such a dialogue:
- It is important to save.
- Why?
- Because it is important.
- Why?
- How else?
“If you repeat the same thing over and over with surprise or annoyance, that's a sure sign of a script. Note it: "It is important to save." And move on in the conversation with the "Martian".
- What will happen if you don't save?
- It's bad.
- What exactly is bad?
- You will die in the yard.
And here it becomes clear which scenario works: "It is important to save, otherwise you will die of hunger." Naturally, such a dialogue is most productive not with oneself, but with another person, the best — with a psychologist.
"The same Martian can be told about his incidents with money. Briefly write 10-20 such stories per paragraph. what happened what did you do What was happening around? What were the consequences? In which of the three processes (receive, spend, collect) have you identified a barrier?"
It is useful to remember how we got our first money, did we have savings in childhood, what happened to them, how is this related to the current relationship with money? Analyze your lineage: what were the histories of losses (any), how they affected your ancestors. How did your parents treat money? How did they live? Are there any stories that are similar to yours or resonate with you? What were your family's favorite proverbs, sayings and sayings about money? What money advice would your parents, grandparents give you?
3. Rewrite the script
Sometimes it is possible to change the relationship with money without special psychotherapeutic work. But often, despite all the realizations and discoveries in the family history, the usual patterns continue to haunt us. And we understand that we stepped on the same rake again, because the old "coding" inside us has not been rewritten yet.
Examples
- "Can't waste." "We are trying to live in a new way, but the scenario has remained the same. — If a person "can't spend", then it will be possible to arrange a holiday and a pleasant life for yourself only through strength and great resistance. And is it possible to rejoice through strength? Suppose that such a person decided to act in a new way and went on vacation. And he will sit at the resort, calculate how many chickens can be bought with the money from this trip, not find a place for himself, try to work on vacation (this scenario is often combined with workaholism). In the end: I spent the money, I didn't get the satisfaction, and the scenario can only get stronger from this."
- "Being rich is dangerous." "In this case, you can expect hidden sabotage from yourself," says the psychologist. - After all, our caring subconscious believes that it is saving our lives, and will go to great lengths for this. As a result, we risk getting into a minor accident, putting money into irrevocable debt, going on a very expensive trip, buying a very expensive bag, and in general indulge in full-scale shopping."
Method of change
Changing the script with the help of psychotherapy and certain techniques is more reliable and effective, according to the expert. It is easy to imagine the script as a sub-personality that lives in our head. And the following can be done with this subpersonality: send it "to retirement" with gratitude and recognition of its merits. After all, the script usually appears as a life-saving model of behavior for our ancestors in difficult situations.
"Once, during a psychodrama session, I worked with the scenario "You can't waste - you will die of hunger." I divided it and presented it as two sub-persons. One was responsible for smart resource savings, and the client found it useful and wanted to keep it unchanged. But the second part did not allow me to live life to the fullest, to relax even for a minute and allow myself a little joy. We worked with her.
It turned out that this sub-person can shift the focus of his attention. She stopped scolding him for "extravagance" and turned her attention to this person's debtors: after all, you have to return what you can, and in the future control who can lend and who can't. She determined whether it is worth working without an advance, to what level the price can be lowered in negotiations with the customer, and where to stop so as not to work at a loss."
Consequences
But what will replace the old scenario? Can't we live without rules? You can replace the rigid script with a set of different role models of behavior. One can understand the goals related to finances: what and why we need expenses, income and savings. You can begin to manage the choice of the behavior model that is suitable at a particular moment and activate it yourself.
“The main difference is that the script is a rigid life-long program, it guides us like a deep rut in the road from which we cannot get out without help. And the role model — different possibilities of movement, such as turning right or left. Here we manage ourselves, where to turn and when to stop." Psychotherapy will help you get out of the rut and find a set of useful role models.
4. Go around the blocks
A few simple tools will help you bypass "money" blocks.
Personal accounting
Keeping written or electronic personal accounting is a very useful tool that not only brings system and planning to our financial picture of the world, but also allows us to analyze what and how we spend money. It is almost impossible to remember every little thing you buy.
"We often wonder: why did I buy this? And when and what did I spend this amount on? Next time, we will think hard, deciding to buy another "necessary" thing." If we write down all the necessary mandatory payments in advance, then we will not find ourselves at the end of the month with rent debt or unpaid Internet. Therefore, we will have less reason to worry.
Measure in a new way
If we have a spending block, let's calculate how much we earn per minute, hour and day. We measure the cost of some nice thing not in rubles, but in minutes.
"For example, a "super expensive" cactus should not cost 500 hryvnias, but 15 minutes of my working time. I cannot give away 500 hryvnias for mischief. And I can do it for 15 minutes." Such a cunning maneuver allows us to see that, saving 20% of a check in a hypermarket, we spend almost three hours traveling to it, which will more than cover the saved funds in a money transfer. So, maybe it was worth buying everything in a store near the house, and spending three hours on something else or earning for them, let's say, 6 thousand rubles?"
A similar example from a taxi: let's say the trip costs 150 hryvnias, but it saves 50 minutes, for which we can earn 1000 hryvnias, so it's profitable? For someone, a trick that saves from extravagance can be the transfer of all finances to a bank card, if paper money does not want to linger in the wallet. At the same time, it is important to leave the card at home and never pay for it.