The Psychology of Success: What to Do After a Setback

Olena spent several evenings preparing work for an open exhibition call. The reply was brief: she had not been selected this time. Before reopening the entry requirements, she had already decided that her timing was always wrong, she did not know how to present herself, and perhaps taking up drawing had been a mistake. An hour later, a friend suggested it was simply “one of those periods.” That brought some relief, although Olena still knew no more about the rejection than before.

After an unsuccessful attempt, we want an explanation quickly. It may soothe us, make us angry, or move us to act. Yet one rejected application leaves much unknown: what was assessed, what others submitted, and whether the collection fitted the theme. Examining these details is harder than passing judgment on yourself, but they give you something to work with.

“I am always unlucky” and “everything is my fault” sound different, but both can end the conversation too soon. The first makes our own contribution harder to see; the second obscures other people’s decisions and circumstances we did not choose. Returning to what actually happened is useful before explaining an entire life in a single sentence.

Faith, family beliefs, or talking about a difficult period can offer support. What deserves examination is their role in a particular decision: do they help someone seek advice, rest, or make another attempt? If an assumption about a curse or “bad energy” leads someone to turn down needed help and available action, that decision needs attention. Beginning does not require disproving every belief a person holds.

Past experience has its own place. If your work was once mocked in front of others, a new rejection may feel particularly painful. Talking about that experience can help you understand your response and need for support. Calling it a convenient excuse would be premature.

Olena opens the submission guidelines and notices that the organisers wanted a series linked by a single theme, whereas she submitted several separate pieces. This is a detail she can take into account. It does not establish why she was rejected: the organisers may not explain individual decisions. But next time she can check the coherence of her collection before submitting it.

For your own situation, write down the reply you received, the criteria by which the result was supposed to be assessed, and what remains unknown. Can you request feedback? Would it help to ask someone familiar with this kind of work? Separate questions that could receive an answer from assumptions about what everyone thought of you.

The NHS guidance on tackling worries suggests distinguishing problems that allow practical action from hypothetical worries beyond our control. Olena can ask about requirements or review her selection; guaranteeing the next jury’s approval is a much larger demand.

After the rejection, Olena asks a friend to look over her next application. The friend edits the text, selects the artwork, and starts contacting the organisers herself. At first Olena feels relieved, then becomes angry because the collection no longer resembles what she wanted to show. There is something specific to discuss: which help she requested and which decisions she wanted to keep.

This can happen without a deliberate intention to control someone. Clarifying the agreement is more useful than immediately labelling either person a manipulator or a “victim.” Olena might say, “Help me check the requirements; I will choose the work myself.” Someone who has experienced violence or coercion needs protection and support; searching for supposed hidden benefits only diverts attention from the harm done.

When you want to delete all your work or immediately prove your worth, you can postpone that decision first. Sit in a comfortable position, look around, and notice where your feet rest. Name whatever feeling you can distinguish and one immediate need: time alone, food, a conversation, or returning to the task tomorrow. You can breathe normally without trying to achieve a special state.

If attending to internal sensations increases distress, turn to an external activity: walk, look at the objects around you, or contact someone close. Meditation practices do not suit everyone in the same way; NCCIH also describes possible unwanted experiences. The purpose of the pause is to allow time before deciding. Feelings can return even after you have found words for them.

Olena arranges to show three pieces to her tutor and discuss whether they form a series. Afterwards she will decide whether she wants to continue with that theme. This requires less time and money than urgently preparing another exhibition and gives her more useful information about the next step.

Which small action would add information in your situation? What would it cost, whose involvement would you need, and when could you assess the result? Alongside this, note the conditions under which you would stop or change the idea. Continuing, taking a break, and leaving a particular project can all be considered decisions when its cost and your own wishes are taken into account.

In the EQ journal, describe one episode: the event, your first explanation, your feelings, and the response you gave. After several entries, you have something to revisit when looking for recurring reactions. Keeping a journal does not oblige you to calm down quickly or become successful.

The personal-boundaries diary can hold the preparation for a conversation about help: what I am asking for, which decisions I am keeping, and what I am not agreeing to yet. Afterwards, you can record whether you managed to explain this and what the other person said.

If an image is an easier starting point, online metaphorical cards offer material for your own associations. Ask which detail reminds you of the present situation and what you would like to change. The person choosing an image determines its meaning. Cards do not establish the cause of a setback or replace information about actual circumstances.

For Olena, a change might mean a completed series, a more precise question to the organisers, or a decision to keep drawing as a personal activity. Selection will still depend on other people. Her own decision becomes clearer when she can see what she did, what she learned, and what she wants next.

If prolonged distress after a setback interferes with sleep, work, or contact with other people, discuss how you are feeling with a professional. Support may be needed alongside practical action, without expecting yourself to sort everything out alone first.