Life Crisis in Women: Responsibilities, Wishes and Change

Nadiia closes her work laptop and immediately opens the family chat. Her son needs a document tomorrow, the groceries have run out, and her partner asks when they agreed to have visitors. She knows the answer to everything except one question: when did she last have an evening she was not responsible for organising? When someone asks what is wrong, she wants to say that nothing is wrong with her; carrying on like this has simply become too difficult.

People often call a period like this a life crisis. Familiar roles and arrangements no longer accommodate current circumstances, while a new way of organising life has not yet taken shape. The phrase helps name an experience, but does not explain its cause. Exhaustion, loss, changing relationships, financial difficulties or a condition requiring professional support may be involved.

Nadiia is thirty-eight, but the past year explains her situation better than her date of birth. New responsibilities appeared at work, her son changed schools, and her partner began coming home later. The family arrangement stayed the same: anything they had not discussed automatically became her responsibility. At first, she simply did things faster. Later, she noticed irritation arriving before the first request.

For another woman, similar questions may follow relocation, the completion of an important project, divorce or children leaving home. Someone else may have neither children nor a partner, but pays for housing alone, has insecure work and little support. Universal lists of “women’s crises by age” can therefore miss what matters most: what has changed in the actual circumstances, and what is now missing?

Over dinner, Nadiia says she is tired of remembering everything. Her partner is genuinely surprised: he is happy to help; she only needs to ask. But asking also involves work: noticing what is running out, choosing a time, explaining the task and checking the result. If one person remains responsible for these steps, having an individual errand completed does not necessarily remove the load.

A WHO report on gender inequality in health and care work describes how unpaid care and inadequate support restrict women’s economic opportunities. In a personal situation, it helps to examine the actual division of tasks: who plans, who carries them out, and who remembers next time? Changing one’s attitude alone cannot resolve every form of exhaustion.

At first, Nadiia thinks she no longer likes her job. On a day off without work messages, she still gets no rest: she orders groceries, rearranges a medical appointment and answers school questions. After observing several days like this, her conclusion becomes more precise. She still enjoys working out complicated delivery routes and being with colleagues. She does not want to remain available for every task at once.

Three specific notes can help: which situation used up energy, what was difficult about it, and what change would be welcome. For example: “After work, I was asked to find a missing school uniform urgently. I interrupted my own plans again. I want someone else to take responsibility for school preparations.” A note like this brings the conversation closer to an arrangement that can be tested.

After two free evenings, Nadiia sleeps better and snaps less often. Yet the question about her work responsibilities remains. Rest has made it easier to see: she has managed an additional area of work for six months, but deadlines and pay have not changed. There is now something specific to discuss with her manager.

Sometimes, reducing the load weakens the wish to abandon everything. Sometimes, it becomes clear that a change really is needed. A final decision need not be made on the most exhausting evening. If circumstances allow, some sleep and time can be restored before returning to the question that remains. Where there is danger or violence, waiting for a calmer period is unnecessary: protection and support take priority.

Nadiia and her partner choose two areas for the next fortnight. He takes responsibility for groceries, from checking supplies to placing the order, and for arrangements with visitors. They agree on a budget and a date to review how it went. Nadiia has to tolerate a different shopping list and dinners that do not always match her plan. Her partner has to notice needs himself rather than wait for a reminder.

At work, she asks which tasks can be removed if the additional responsibilities remain hers. Her manager may disagree, and that is useful information for her next decision too. A boundary becomes practical when it is clear what someone will actually do if the old arrangement continues. Money, safety and available alternatives also shape the possibilities.

Nadiia has been thinking about dance classes for a long time, but keeps postponing registration until more important things are settled. One week, she arranges a single trial evening. She may enjoy it, find the journey inconvenient, or want something entirely different. The value of the attempt is that a personal wish receives time and is tested through experience.

No immediate answer to “Who am I now?” is required. A beginning can be one activity she wants to do without making it useful for others, together with the actual conditions needed for it. Sadness for an earlier life, love for family and irritation from fatigue may remain alongside each other. These feelings do not require one final verdict on everything that came before.

A Gratitude Diary can hold brief observations: which support genuinely helped today, what someone managed to do for themselves, and which agreement was kept. Space can remain alongside them for difficulties: what consumed energy and still needs to change. Gratitude for a partner’s participation does not cancel a conversation about previous inequality, and a good day does not make tiredness imaginary.

For Nadiia, a noticeable result is an ordinary evening: groceries arrive without her reminder, the laptop is closed, and her son checks tomorrow’s uniform. Not every question is settled. But part of her attention is no longer occupied by constant monitoring, making it possible to hear what she wants next. Further reading is available in the MriyaRun blog.

If low mood or loss of interest lasts for most of the day, nearly every day, for around two weeks or longer, disrupting sleep, work or self-care, speak to a healthcare or mental health professional. There is no need to wait that long if symptoms are severe or worsening quickly. NIMH describes these signs as reasons for assessment; calling the experience a life crisis does not replace that assessment. Suicidal thoughts or an immediate threat to life require urgent help.

Psychological support may also be useful when conflicting wishes are difficult to understand, a conversation feels impossible, or available choices are hard to see. Its purpose is agreed with the person. It may concern one difficult decision, changing circumstances or gradually recovering energy, without requiring anyone to emerge as a “better version” of themselves.