This material is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or psychotherapeutic advice. If you are experiencing an acute psychological condition or need professional support, please contact a doctor, psychologist, psychotherapist, or crisis service.
Problem
When we meet a man who behaves like a knight, it is fascinating. We feel beautiful, desirable, worthy of care and love. But at some point we begin to notice cracks in his shining armor and ask: does he want to protect me or is he trying to control everything?
Signs
Be on the lookout: At the first sign of control, walk away to save yourself months or even years of pain and struggle. Such men are often cunning. They do not act directly and try to disguise their control in order to protect you from a scary and cruel world. And by the time you realize what you've gotten yourself into, it won't be so easy to get out of the quagmire.
1. Belief that the man is the head of the family
At first it may make a good impression: he is a real man, strong and self-confident. But the phrase "It will be my way or not!" says that if you stumble even once, you will not suffer the punishment. Even if it is silent ignoring, it will become real flour. Especially considering the fact that you most likely won't even understand what exactly you did wrong.
2. Omniscient behavior
A controlling man is a know-it-all, and you have to admit that. It doesn't matter what you think about any topic, whether it's politics, art, relationships, or parenting.
Don't argue or try to explain what a different point of view might be. Otherwise, the partner will be furious not only because you have a different opinion, but also because you dared to express it. Rabies can manifest itself in taunts and sexist jokes. It is important for him that you learn: he understands everything better than you and everyone around you.
3. Sole decision about how, where and when you have sex
An initiative man is wonderful. But even such a partner should take into account your desire and mood.
He can convince you as much as he wants that a "real woman" should be promiscuous (or, on the contrary, pretend to be modest), fulfill all his fantasies and whims.
You should be comfortable and you should feel safe. And you definitely shouldn't do something you don't want to do, even if your husband wants it. Do not show violence against yourself.
4. Prohibitions disguised as advice
This is a subtle point that is difficult to track. It may seem to you that you are making small concessions to please your loved one.
For example, he might say that you should wear a t-shirt over your gym top for a run, because otherwise you look too undressed, and you might even think it's a show of care.
If a man tries to forbid you to wear something, paint the way you used to, ride a bike alone at night - this is just the beginning. Next, this list will reveal everything you love.
5. Similar experience with previous partners
Hardly anyone wants to ask advice from the ex-girlfriend or wife of the chosen one. But it is important to know what his relationship with previous partners looked like. This shows what to expect.
If his girlfriend wants to tell you about something, it is likely that she is not doing it out of jealousy and maliciousness, but out of female solidarity and a desire to help. Listen to her and don't be surprised if the story of their relationship is similar to your life.
