Why does success feel like a trap? The psychology of burnout, the illusion of wealth, and finding your true self. Discover your Hero's Journey with MriyaRun.
The Price of Success
"Success has ruined many lives"
(Benjamin Franklin, one of the Founding Fathers of the United States)
Evolution of the Concept: From the Family Tree to Numbers in an App
For a long time, life success in our civilization was perceived through the prism of biblical definitions and traditions. A person who built a house, raised children in it, and planted a tree nearby had not lived in vain. For centuries, the family was the epicenter of existence, and personal triumph was measured by the strength of bonds and the continuation of the lineage.
With the advent of industrial and later post-industrial society, the family unit turned into merely one component of life (a "home office" or a place to sleep). The greater part of a modern person's existence is spent in a race with society, which evaluates success in completely different categories.
While in old Europe achievements were often defined by value to a professional guild or the nation, the United States gifted the world a different model—one that we in Ukraine are now actively adopting. This is a model where the economy dictates values. Success in business, IT, art, or blogging is defined quantitatively: by the sum in a bank account, the number of followers, or the capitalization of a startup. The figure of the reward is no longer an abstraction; it is a rigid assessment of the individual's "importance."
Anatomy of Inequality: Winners and Those Who "Didn't Make It"
What does success mean in this coordinate system? It is a zero-sum game: someone reaches the peaks only if someone else remains at the bottom. A person often feels successful not in themselves, but in contrast to others. Success implies a chasm between the "middle class" and the "elite." Only the leap across this chasm—the classic "from rags to riches" story, so popular in the Ukrainian realities of the 90s and 2000s—provides that intoxicating sense of triumph.
Success is resources and influence. But what are they needed for? In the modern paradigm—to possess even more resources. When a Ukrainian builds a business and reaches their first million, they rarely stop. Not only because of ambition but because an economy-oriented society offers no other scenario. Stopping is equated with falling.
The bar of success is constantly raised and becomes unattainable for the majority. This breeds a state of "quiet desperation." We blame ourselves, our laziness, our insufficient productivity. The sense of guilt is particularly acute for those who, despite hard work, barely make ends meet, which often leads to demoralization. In Ukraine, this is amplified by war and instability: we try to build careers amidst a historical storm, demanding the impossible of ourselves.
The Pyramid Foundation and System Fuel
Everyone wants to climb to the summit. Today it is an IT specialist with a salary in dollars; yesterday it was a successful developer or an agro-baron. But for the sharp peak of the pyramid to exist, it must have a broad foundation. And this foundation consists of those who "couldn't." Sharp economic inequality is an innate property of the success system.
At one time, the US declared a "War on Poverty," spending billions on social elevators. In Ukraine, we see similar processes through grant programs and educational initiatives. This improves qualifications and daily life, but it does not change the essence. The system creates two classes: winners and losers.
Economic dynamics work like electricity: they depend on the potential difference. The greater the gap between wealth and poverty (and in Ukraine, it is colossal), the stronger the tension that forces people to turn the wheels of the system.
"Poverty and wealth are that high-tension field into which a person falls, and it forces them to strive upward... Society intentionally updates the hierarchy of values so that a person always feels unsatisfied with something," wrote John Galbraith.
Back in the 19th century, Alexis de Tocqueville noticed this paradox: people live in free conditions, yet they are deadly serious, preoccupied, and depressed even during leisure. They are gnawed by the fear that they have not chosen the shortest path to success. Does this not remind you of modern Kyiv, where even coffee with friends turns into networking, and rest turns into content creation for stories?
The Illusion of Happiness in the Era of "Successful Success"
Exploiting people's natural desire to live better, society raises the stakes. 50 years ago, success meant having an apartment and a stable job. Today in Ukraine, to match the image of a successful person, one needs to work 24/7, have passive income, an ideal body, travel (finding loopholes even despite closed borders), and at the same time "be in the flow."
The desire to climb higher forces us to mobilize all reserves. Before our eyes are bright pictures from Instagram: "He did it, and so can you." And many fly into this light like moths, burning themselves out emotionally before they turn 30.
"There is a sharp contrast between the happy faces on the screen and the gloominess of real people," noted sociologist Philip Slater.
In Ukraine, this contrast is more painful than anywhere else. On one side—luxury cars and restaurants; on the other—the reality of war and loss. But even those who have climbed to the top often do not feel peace. Success brings respect (or envy) from others, but it carries no other reward than itself. It is a vicious circle.
Success as a Sport and a Game of Survival
The philosophy of modern success is the philosophy of professional sports. You cross the ribbon first, receive a minute of applause, put the cup on the shelf, and... back to training. You are only as good as your last project. Past glory is worth nothing.
In this race, as in a lottery, the deciding factor is often luck. But if in a regular lottery, losing is just the cost of the ticket, then in the "lottery of success," life is at stake. Losing here means not just poverty, but a brand of worthlessness. When everything is on the line, the game begins to resemble a deadly duel in which defeat is equivalent to civil and economic "death."
Society hates losers. "There is no sin more terrible than failure," wrote sociologist C. Wright Mills. In our culture, this transforms into a fear of judgment: "What will people say?" Therefore, we often imitate success, buying things we cannot afford to impress people who do not care about us.
The Morality of Winners: The End Justifies the Means
When success becomes a new religion, the question "at what cost?" becomes inconvenient. If winning is the main thing, then the means are secondary. The history of the initial accumulation of capital in Ukraine in the 90s and 2000s is a vivid example. Then, success often went hand in hand with violations of laws and morality.
"Success literature" often legitimizes selfishness. Bestselling authors hint: it is normal to be greedy, normal to step over others to become "Number One." The old European ethics, where wealth was supposed to be a consequence of honest labor and service, gives way to an aggressive "wolfish" approach. In Ukraine now, we see a clash of these worlds: the volunteer movement, where success is measured by giving back, opposes the old corrupt-oligarchic system, where success is measured by how much you "squeezed out."
The Trap of Self-Blame and the "Self-Made" Cult
The formula "You can do anything" is heard at every training session. "One can make a difference." But this coin has a flip side. If you can do anything, then if you haven't achieved success, only you are to blame. Not the economic crisis, not the war, not the corrupt system, but you personally. You didn't try hard enough, didn't visualize enough, didn't complete that "marathon of desires."
The system shapes destiny but shifts responsibility onto the individual. This is the perfect defense mechanism for the system itself. Victims of circumstance, by blaming themselves, do not threaten the stability of the structure.
You are told: invest in yourself, watch your health, because the body is an instrument of success. Being sick is expensive and inefficient. If life seems gloomy—"just change your mindset." This toxic positivity, which came to us from the West, forbids a person to be weak, to be sad, or simply to stop. As Dale Carnegie said: "Smile!" Even if everything inside has burned out.
But the truth is that starting conditions are not equal. A child from a family of Kyiv intellectuals or businesspeople has a 50% head start over a talented child from a depressed region. Connections, education, environment ("social capital") weigh more than simple hard work.
Inflation of Happiness: Hedonic Adaptation
Psychologists have long researched the phenomenon: the level of happiness does not grow proportionally to income after basic needs are met.
Jonathan Freedman recalled: "As a student, I lived modestly but comfortably. When I started earning many times more, I began eating in expensive restaurants and buying expensive things. But my feeling of life did not change one iota."
We quickly get used to good things. A new car brings joy for a month. A new iPhone—for a week. Then a new dose is needed. It is running in place. Sociologist Christopher Lasch noted that we value ourselves by what we consume. But to consume more, we must work more. As a result, the exhausted top manager simply has no energy to enjoy what they have earned.
A contemporary's impression: "All of life is built so that you are an efficient function. Minimum time for 'nonsense' like long conversations, contemplating nature, or simply doing nothing."
Loneliness at the Summit: A One-Man Show
The greatest irony of wealth is that it requires an audience. Without evaluation by others, diamonds are just stones, and a brand is just a label. We need the respect that money brings.
But the frantic pace of life destroys social ties. The concept of the extended family-clan, where one could share joy, disappears. Old friends filter out ("we are on different levels now"), and new ones are often merely situational partners.
To whom do you demonstrate success? In a traffic jam on Parkova Road, through the tinted glass of an expensive car? In the theater, where someone in jeans sits next to someone in an evening gown, and no one cares about the other? Material success, obtained by titanic efforts, often turns out to be needed by no one except the person themselves, who no longer has the strength to enjoy it. We remain one-on-one with the crowd, for whom we are just an anonymous figure with an expensive accessory.
Writer Irwin Shaw brilliantly described this emptiness: a family has everything—a business, a house, cars. But the husband and wife are strangers to each other. Their conversations are about purchases. Inside—a vacuum. People have nothing to live by except consumption.
"Shiny Baubles" and Deception
You can travel the whole world, post photos from Bali or the Alps, feel like the "master of life" in a poor country, but return home and feel like a nobody. You can seek adrenaline in skydiving to somehow feel the taste of life that office routine has drowned out.
The story of many successful careerists ends the same way: "I earn huge money, but I feel like life is slipping through my fingers like sand."
Success in the modern sense is not the enjoyment of life; it is an abstraction of numbers. It is a trophy cup there is no time to look at. Henry Kissinger, a man who reached the pinnacle of world power, said a bitter thing at the end of his path: "It is a disaster when a person achieves everything they wanted and sees that the reward is just shiny baubles."
The dream of success is treacherous. It promises love and recognition but gives only temporary satisfaction, like a casual fling. However, mass culture continues to sell us these "baubles" as the highest value.
Literary Prophets and the Ukrainian Context
If Soviet literature often substituted personal success with "collective success" (while building its own closed hierarchy of nomenclature), Western literature has always explored the tragedy of the individual who attained this success.
Theodore Dreiser with his "Financier," F. Scott Fitzgerald with "The Great Gatsby," Arthur Miller with "Death of a Salesman"—they all showed the reverse side of the American Dream. Their heroes—Martin Eden or Willy Loman—whether reaching the goal or not, lose themselves. They become "machines for making money" (according to Emerson) and perish when they realize there is no soul behind the facade of success.
An interesting transformation is happening in Ukraine now. We survived the period of "wild capital," when success at any cost was the norm for survival. Now, under conditions of existential threat, the concept of success is changing. Is a volunteer who has no home of their own but supplies a brigade successful? Is someone who lost their business but preserved their dignity successful?
We are beginning to understand what Western intellectuals wrote about: economic achievements are not the only goal.
Blinders on the Eyes and Old Age on the Sidelines
The chase for numbers puts blinders on a person. Like a workhorse, they see only the finish line. The beauty of the world, nuances of relationships, the art of the "here and now" atrophy.
We put life off until later. "Time is money," so time spent on oneself is lost profit. We tell ourselves: "I'll earn this much, retire, and then I'll really live." But this illusion shatters against reality. Reaching the finish line, winners often find themselves on the sidelines—lonely, with a pile of money, but without the ability to derive joy from it.
As Luigi Barzini wrote about rich retirees in Florida: "They have everything: the best climate, new cars, medicine. But they project such a poverty of spirit and emptiness that is hard to find anywhere else."
The true price of success is not what we acquire, but what we lose on the way to it. And perhaps true success for a modern person is the ability to stop in time, take off the blinders, and see the tree growing next to the house while there is still time.
Conclusion: Your True Hero's Journey
Joseph Campbell, the mythologist who coined the "Hero's Journey," famously stated: “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” Modern society has deceived us by substituting concepts. We were told that the "treasure" is a digit in a bank account, and the "cave" is the office where one must work until burnout. But the article reveals this is a false path: obtaining external gold often costs the hero their soul.
The true Hero's Journey is not a race for the crowd's approval. It is a journey inward. The crisis felt by successful yet unhappy people is, in mythical terms, the "Belly of the Whale." It is the moment when old strategies (work more to get more) stop working, and one must seek new meanings.
Success without self-knowledge is merely a set decoration. To avoid ending up on the sidelines of life holding nothing but "shiny baubles," one must have the courage to look into their own abyss, face their dragons (fears, traumas, imposed beliefs), and find the true Elixir—an understanding of who you truly are.
This journey requires a map and gear. The MriyaRun project creates exactly these tools for internal navigation. Psychological diaries are not just notebooks; they are guides that help distinguish your true desires from goals imposed by society, build boundaries, and find gratitude in the moment, rather than in the distant future.
Do not be afraid to enter your cave. Start exploring yourself today, so that your success becomes wings, not a golden cage.
Tools for self-discovery: https://mriya.run/catalog
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