Gratitude and Time for Yourself

Author: Dmytro Telushko Based on the book: "Steps of Gratitude" Diary (Chapters: Gratitude to the World, Time Just for Yourself)

After work, Roman sat beside the canal, although he had planned to hurry home and finish several more tasks. A band of light from the windows lay across the water, and a couple walked past with their dog. He remembered a colleague helping him complete a difficult order and sent a brief thank-you. His tiredness did not disappear. But he noticed both the support and his own need for an evening without more work.

In this story, gratitude and self-care can coexist. You can appreciate someone else’s contribution, notice beauty around you and still acknowledge tiredness, irritation or a wish to be alone. Saying thank you does not commit you to accepting another request. Roman and the other people below are fictional examples.

“Gratitude to the world” can be understood through specific experiences: someone held a door, you had time for a quiet meal, or the sun came out during your walk. Such moments can vanish into the overall verdict “another bad day.” Writing can give them a separate place without denying what was difficult.

In Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough’s study, gratitude-writing tasks were compared with other records. The most consistent difference concerned positive experiences. That does not justify promising that every thank-you will predictably raise dopamine or serotonin, cure anxiety or change the brain in a particular way.

For personal practice, consider questions closer to everyday life. Did you notice someone’s specific contribution more clearly? Did you want to thank them? Could you name your own need more accurately? If the task produces only guilt about not being happy enough, you can change the question or leave it for another time.

A walk or a few minutes beside water can be an enjoyable change of setting. Some people welcome quiet; others prefer movement, city trees or light through a window. Forests and mountains are not available to everyone, and being alone does not always feel comfortable. Choose a safe place and a manageable way to spend time there.

Roman did not demand that he “feel harmonious.” He simply noticed the cool air, the water and having ten minutes without answering anyone. The work problem remained after the pause. He would still need to discuss it the following day, but it did not have to occupy his entire evening.

You can thank a friend for helping and feel angry that she shared your situation without permission. The two responses concern different actions. If you insist on keeping gratitude alone, the crossed boundary may never be addressed: “Your help mattered. Please don’t share personal details without checking with me.”

Envy, hurt and regret can also provide material for reflection rather than proof that a person is “toxic.” Notice the actions they prompt and examine your conclusions. A writing practice should not require gratitude for violence or a search for a hidden benefit in a loss.

List a few things you used to enjoy or would like to try. What would you like to do without grading the result? What tends to leave a pleasant feeling afterwards? What has had no room in your life for a while? The answers can be ordinary: listening to a whole album, visiting a library, repairing something for yourself, meeting a friend or planning nothing at all.

Viktoriia remembered wanting to try drumming. Rather than promising daily practice, she arranged one short session. She wanted to find out whether she enjoyed the process. Playing perfectly or immediately buying an instrument was not the task. If she lost interest after trying it, that would also tell her something useful.

Rest does not need to be justified by future productivity. At the same time, money, caring responsibilities, work schedules and health can limit what is possible. Look for an actual opening and available support. “You simply aren’t choosing yourself” would only add another demand.

You can make a separate list of dishes you would like to try or prepare again. Recall the flavour, place or person associated with the memory. This invites attention to preferences; it is not advice to abandon medical guidance, ignore an allergy or disregard other important health-related restrictions.

A restaurant visit or an elaborate dinner is optional. Sometimes the welcome change is simply eating lunch on time in peace. If preparing a favourite dish becomes more work, simplify it or ask someone to share the task. The NIMH self-care guidance also includes regular meals, sleep, priorities and support: everyday needs that should not be replaced by a search for a special ritual.

If it suits you, try planning one enjoyable activity and one preferred dish each week for a month. Choose a day, duration, affordable cost and any arrangements needed with others. Starting with just one item is also possible. The plan is a way to explore a workable rhythm, not a guarantee that your mood will change in four weeks.

In the first week, choose the simplest available action. In the second, look at what helped or prevented it: time, tiredness, cost or an unspoken request. In the third, change one condition rather than promising stricter discipline. At the end of the fourth, compare experiences: what you want to repeat, what felt unnecessary and where you need less pressure.

If the plan did not happen, record the circumstances without judging your worth. Sometimes the reason is practical: you allocated every household task to your only free hour as well. Redistributing responsibilities may then be the next step. A new list of enjoyable activities cannot create time on its own.

The Steps of Gratitude workbook offers space to continue reflecting. For this example, three lines are enough: what supported you today, what was missing and one manageable action you want to try next. Every answer need not be positive, and missed days need not be made up. An ordinary notebook can hold the same exercise.

If exhaustion, anxiety or loss of interest persistently interferes with daily life, seek appropriate help. Gratitude can remain part of personal practice, but it cannot replace treatment, safety or necessary changes to your workload.