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Dmytro Telushko. Foreword to an article on environment, childhood rules, and ending inherited scripts
Foreword by Dmytro Telushko
This topic is not about putting parents on trial. Most adults pass on not evil, but their unprocessed history: fear, shame, survival strategies, moral rules, and family scripts.
A child is born dependent and enters a ready-made system: be convenient, do not be angry, make your parents proud, wait, give it away, do not argue. When connection depends on such rules, the psyche learns to pay with the self.
Self-inquiry is not about living in the past. It is about no longer carrying the past automatically into the present.
How environment shapes life: childhood rules, shame, and the adult right to have a self
When environment becomes a script
Environment shapes a map of permissions and prohibitions: what is allowed, what is shameful, what brings love, what brings rejection, where my “no” is called rude and my “I want” is called selfish.
Small moments that write a script
Life situation: a gift shown to the child, then handed to the adults
Life situation: when a child's no is treated as rudeness
- A child is shown money as a gift, then adults hand it to the parents. Lesson: what is mine is not fully mine.
- A child gets angry when a boundary is crossed and hears “do not be greedy”. Lesson: convenience matters more than boundaries.
- A child is shamed for a mistake. Lesson: trying is dangerous.
- A child is forced to hug relatives. Lesson: my body and space are not fully mine.
How an outer rule becomes an inner law
An epidemic of convenience
When many people are raised this way, it becomes a cultural epidemic of convenience. Adults work, build families, lead processes, yet internally wait for permission, endure instead of asking, agree instead of refusing, and resent others for not guessing their needs.
The inner court and a Simpsons-like family inside
Sometimes the inner court looks like a Simpsons-like family: the inner Homer wants the sofa and no questions, Marge tries to keep everyone peaceful, Bart rebels, and Lisa writes a brilliant essay about boundaries but still fears a simple “no”. It is funny until this inner sitcom starts managing money, relationships, and parenting.
What often goes into shadow
Why self-inquiry matters
Life situation: shame after a mistake teaches the child not to try
Self-inquiry is not blame. It is an inventory of the script: where the old rule lives in me, how I still obey it, and who may receive it from me next.
Why MriyaRun practices matter
One smart sentence is not enough. The nervous system needs repetition, written structure, safe questions, small actions, and new evidence. That is why journals, workbooks, CBT SHIFT, anger work, emotions, boundaries, metaphorical cards, and script work matter.
Adult exit: notice the rule, name the need, restore the boundary
How this helps separate from the old script
An old script is held together by automatic conclusions: if I am angry, I am bad; if I want something, I am selfish; if I ask, I am a burden; if I refuse, love may disappear. Practice helps a person see these conclusions not as character, but as learned programs.
Illustrations and written exercises make the invisible visible. A person recognizes concrete mechanisms: here I learned to give away what was mine; here my no became dangerous; here a mistake became shame.
A boundaries workbook spread: humor helps approach uncomfortable scripts without adding more shame
Childhood images in practice: an abstract belief becomes a visible scene that can be worked with
Separating from the script does not erase the past. It creates a pause between event and reaction. In that pause, healthy adult critical thinking can ask: is this my thought or an inherited rule? Is this real danger or familiar shame? Am I choosing or repeating?
A boundaries example: when we avoid immediate discomfort, the future self often receives the problem
The Johari Window in self-inquiry: what I see, what others see, and where adult belief-checking begins
- Notice the belief currently directing behavior.
- Separate fact from old interpretation.
- Check whether the rule protects you today or keeps you obedient.
- Name the need and the boundary.
- Take one small adult action: ask, refuse, keep what is yours, or stop punishing yourself for a mistake.
Ending the transmission
Life situation: the adult moment when an old script can be interrupted
The goal is wider than rewriting one life. It is to pass on new permissions to children: you may have what is yours, feel anger without destroying, make mistakes and remain valuable, say no, ask directly, and stay connected without disappearing from your own life.
MriyaRun tools
This work is supported by the Boundaries Journal, the Anger workbook, CBT SHIFT, EQ Emotion Journal, Self-Knowledge journal, and MriyaRun metaphorical cards.
MriyaRun Boundaries Journal