This material is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or psychotherapeutic advice. If you are experiencing an acute psychological condition or need professional support, please contact a doctor, psychologist, psychotherapist, or crisis service.
Does a colleague unreasonably delay work?
Is the child not preparing for exams? Are you annoyed by someone else's procrastination?
How to avoid or not become a hostage of such a situation?
Procrastination is the tendency to put off important tasks until later, often in favor of less important or enjoyable tasks. This can lead to stress, guilt, low productivity and negatively affect work and personal life. Procrastination is often caused by fear of failure, perfectionism, lack of motivation, or difficulty with time management.
It sounds funny, but she plays the role of our closest friend!
She, like a little angel, sits on your shoulder and whispers in your ear: "You'll do it later, there's still time, first something else...".
Procrastination, like the mythical Kraken, is launched by our subconscious, helping to avoid possible troubles, absorbs unstable ideas, all possibilities of psychological and physical discomfort, and returns us to the usual "stable" life.
Procrastination occurs not only due to the fear of failure, but also in unexpected moments, for example, due to the fear of success, when there is a desire to avoid responsibility and possible criticism, or when the lack of experience scares...
So you now understand that a person has an internal struggle and his procrastination is not easy for him, and it happens with internal violence.
As a parent, I have to remember that we all have mirror neurons, thanks to which we relate to others with empathy, and we also learn and take on the experience of others. So my kids are a lot more like me than I think)
On the one hand, procrastination does a favor. It protects the procrastinator from some unpleasant truths about himself. It helps to avoid uncomfortable and possibly threatening sensations. It provides a convenient excuse for why I am not moving in a direction that is somehow unpleasant to me.
But whatever the reasons for procrastination and all the possible comfort it provides, it is not only procrastinators who pay for it.
What can we do about someone else's procrastination?
First, to directly say what you don't like and what problems it brings for you without trying to add, prick, shame. In no case do not do his work for the procrastinator, because it will reinforce him and then it will be a regular occurrence.
No need to use sawing and control as if you were a watchdog. This will only cause trouble for you, and do not try to exaggerate the problems, because threats like "you will never find a job or be a beggar" will only distance you. And the words I said don't help either, although they give you a sense of victory.
Of course, it is possible to help develop a plan together for individual small details and fix intermediate deadlines. And we remember that success is not the whole person, it has many wonderful features and we need to talk about it.
It is necessary to separate the successes of others. Of course, it hurts if your child fails an exam or a loved one loses a job, but this is their way and their area of responsibility, not yours)
You have to remember yourself!
If your losses from the procrastination of others exceed your gains, then of course you need to take care of yourself and disconnect or end the relationship. life…
Living and working with procrastinators can be challenging, but also exciting. Many of them are very intelligent and creative, most of them are quite independent and tend to have their own opinion on any matter. They are all sensitive and concerned about their own standards: whether they are good enough, strong enough, or capable enough. If you can remember that beneath their outer shell is a vulnerable and insecure person who needs love and acceptance, you will find it easier to find room in your heart for those who struggle with human flaws.
A SHORT LIST OF TECHNIQUES FOR OVERCOMING PROCRASTINATION
1. Set a behavioral goal (visible, specific and detailed, not vague and global).
- WRONG: "I want to stop procrastinating."
- INSTEAD: "I want to clean up and organize the garage by September 1st."
2. Set a realistic goal. Think small, not big, and choose the minimum acceptable goal instead of the one you would ideally like to achieve. Focus on one (and no more!) goal at a time.
- WRONG: "I will never procrastinate again!"
- INSTEAD: "I will spend an hour every day preparing for math class."
3. Break your goal down into smaller specific mini-goals. Each of the mini-goals is easier to achieve than a big goal, and the achievement of each small goal is added to the achievement of one big one.
- WRONG: "I'm going to write a report."
- INSTEAD: “Tonight I will work for half an hour on planning my pivot table. Tomorrow I will spend another half hour entering the data, and the day after tomorrow I will spend an hour writing a report based on this data.''
4. Estimate the real (and not the desired) time. Ask yourself: How long will the task actually take? How much time do I really have?
- WRONG: "I have plenty of time to do this tomorrow."
- INSTEAD: “I'd better check the calendar and see when I can start. Last time it took longer than I thought.''
5. Just start! Instead of trying to do the whole project at once, just take one small step at a time. Remember: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
- WRONG: "I need to do it in one go."
- INSTEAD: "What might my first step be?"
6. Use the next fifteen minutes. Any activity can be sustained for fifteen minutes. The only thing you can do when you've been working on a task for fifteen minutes is to do it. Therefore, what you are able to do in fifteen minutes has value.
- WRONG: "I only have fifteen minutes, so why bother?"
- INSTEAD: "What part of this task can I complete in the next fifteen minutes?"
7. Be prepared for obstacles and delays. Don't give up as soon as you hit the first (or second or third) hurdle. An obstacle is just a problem to be solved, not a reflection of your worth or competence.
- WRONG: "The professor is not in the office - that's why I can't work on my work. I'll probably go to the cinema."
- INSTEAD: "Even though the professor isn't there, I can work on my plan while I wait for him to return."
8. Whenever possible, delegate (or even push!) your tasks. Are you really the only one who can do this? Does this task need to be performed at all? Remember, no one person can handle everything in the world - not even you.
- WRONG: "Only I can do it right."
- INSTEAD: "I will find the right person for this task, and I can work on a more important project."
9. Take care of your time. Learn to say "no". Do not accept overtime or unnecessary projects. You can choose not to respond to the "urgent" in order to attend to what is important.
- WRONG: "I must be available to anyone who needs me."
- INSTEAD: “I don't have to answer calls while I'm working. I'll listen to the message and call back when I'm done."
10. Beware of your excuses. Instead of using an excuse as an automatic reason to procrastinate, take it as a cue to spend fifteen minutes working on a task. Or use your excuse as a reward for taking the step.
- WRONG: "I'm tired (hungry/busy/confused/depressed, etc.) so I'll do it later."
- INSTEAD: “I'm tired, so I'll work on the report for just fifteen minutes. And then I'll take a nap."
11. Reward yourself for the successes you make along the way. Focus on effort, not results. Beware of all-or-nothing thinking: the glass can be half full or half empty. Remember that even the smallest step is already progress!
- WRONG: "I can't feel good until I finish everything."
- INSTEAD: “I took a few steps - and I did a good job. I feel good about it. And now I'm going to watch a movie."
12. Take your procrastination as a signal. Stop and ask yourself, “What is my procrastination trying to tell me?”
- WRONG: "I'm procrastinating and hating myself again."
- INSTEAD: “I'm procrastinating again. What do I feel? What does this mean? What can I learn?”
Remember: YOU HAVE A CHOICE. YOU CAN POSTPONE, OR YOU CAN ACT. You can act even if you feel uncomfortable. What you take from the past does not have to control what you do in the present. You can enjoy learning, developing and challenging yourself. You don't have to be perfect to be valuable.