This material is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or psychotherapeutic advice. If you are experiencing an acute psychological condition or need professional support, please contact a doctor, psychologist, psychotherapist, or crisis service.
The Bezsoromna deck in practice: real cards for exploring body reactions, shame, desire, boundaries, and consent
Some topics are hard to name directly: desire, lack of desire, shame, the body, fantasies, boundaries, consent, the right to say yes, no, or “I do not know yet.” Metaphorical associative cards can help approach these topics through image rather than pressure.
A MAC card does not diagnose or explain a person. It opens space for self-observation: what do I see, what do I feel, where is resistance, what do I want to bring closer, what do I want to move away, where is my desire, where is my shame, where is my boundary.
The “Bezsóromna” deck is an 18+ set of metaphorical cards about female sexuality, shame, desire, the body, fantasies, boundaries, and consent. It is not about becoming more provocative or matching someone else’s image of sexuality. It is about gentle contact with oneself.
Why Shame Matters
Shame often speaks as an inner censor:
- “I should not want this.”
- “My body is not beautiful enough.”
- “If I say what I want, I will be judged.”
- “If I refuse, I will be abandoned.”
- “If I do not want immediately, something is wrong with me.”
- “If my body reacted, I must have wanted it.”
Shame makes a person edit themselves before they understand what they actually feel. In intimacy, this changes the question from “what feels good to me?” into “how do I look?”, “am I normal?”, “am I too much?”, or “should I agree?”.
The Card as Safe Distance
A direct question can sometimes feel invasive. A card creates a third point between the person and the topic. One can speak not directly about oneself, but about what is visible in the image. This distance can make the truth more bearable.
A card as a third point between the client and the theme: the reaction to the image can be explored before direct disclosure
What the Deck Explores
The deck contains 100 cards and ten main areas: female desire, pleasure, fantasies, real choice, initiative, the right to want and not want, consent and hidden pressure, power and submission, sexual shame, and the relationship with the body.
The key word is exploration. The deck does not tell a woman who to be. It helps her notice where sexuality has become a place of control, performance, silence, shame, or an unspoken need.
Shame Around Desire and Lack of Desire
Women can be shamed from opposite sides. If she wants, she is “too much.” If she does not want, she is “cold.” If she has fantasies, she is “wrong.” If she has little experience, she is “strange.” If she has a lot, she is “not right.” If she speaks directly, she is “too bold.” If she stays silent, her silence may be mistaken for consent.
This is why the deck focuses on distinguishing living desire from fear, social scripts, compliance, freezing, curiosity, and the inner “no” that a person may have learned not to hear.
Important frame: fantasy is not action, bodily reaction is not consent, and consent must be voluntary, conscious, specific, and changeable at any moment.
Safety
The person is always more important than the exercise, the card, the topic, or any interpretation. During practice, one may refuse to answer, change the card, stop, say “I do not know,” avoid explaining a reaction, and return to the topic later.
If panic, freezing, flashbacks, memories of violence, strong self-disgust, self-harm urges, or loss of control appear, the practice should stop and support should be sought.
One common card back: safe uncertainty before the card is chosen
A Simple Practice
- Choose a calm time and space.
- Formulate one question.
- Draw a card or choose one openly.
- Look at the image slowly.
- Write 3–5 sentences: what I see, what I feel, where there is resonance, where there is resistance, what boundary is asking to be respected.
- Finish the practice: water, an exhale, feet on the floor, a short supportive phrase.
Questions for a card:
- What do I see?
- What do I feel in the body?
- What attracts me?
- What creates resistance?
- Where is shame here?
- Where is desire here?
- Where is my boundary?
Three Formats
One card: what wants to be seen now?
Three cards: shame — desire — boundary.
Three cards: I want — I do not want — I do not know.
“I do not know” is not a failure. Sometimes it is the most honest pause.
Why It Matters
Female sexuality is often taken away in two opposite ways: through prohibition, “do not, it is shameful, be silent,” or through pressure, “be sexual, want, prove.” In both cases, the woman loses contact with herself.
“Bezsóromna” offers a third path: neither hiding nor performing, but exploring. Not “I must be shameless,” but “I can see where shame is controlling me.”
A note from psychologist Dmytro Telushko: notice the reaction, not the answer
When working with the Bezsoromna deck, the important thing is to notice any live body or emotional reaction: fear, shame, anger, laughter, rejection, interest, freezing, warmth, tension, or the wish to look away. The first reaction often points not to the “correct meaning” of the card, but to an inner conflict: I want and I must not, I am curious and ashamed, my body responded and I am afraid, I want to say no and fear losing contact.
This is not a promise that the theme will be resolved in one therapy session. The card does not heal shame by itself and does not force a person to become brave quickly. Its value is in showing what is triggered here and now, bringing an automatic reaction into awareness, and gently exploring where this pattern may have appeared before.
That is why Bezsoromna can feel mildly provocative, but not for shock. The provocation is therapeutic: the image touches a theme, and the specialist or the person observes what happens next to the image. The process should not push the client into explanations. It supports contact with the reaction: where is it in the body, what do you want to do, what word came first, what needs a boundary or support now.
Examples across themes: the image does not give an answer, but it may quickly reveal body reaction, resistance, or interest
Examples from the 10 deck themes: how a card may reveal a reaction
- How female desire begins — “Spontaneous Desire.” A client draws the card and laughs: “I do not do that.” The therapist may treat the laughter as protection and ask what would feel dangerous if desire appeared without explanation.
- Contact with pleasure — “Permission to Receive.” The reaction may be shame or tension in the chest. Therapy can explore debt: can I receive without immediately paying back.
- Female erotic fantasies — “Recurring Fantasy.” Fear may appear: “this says something bad about me.” The therapist helps separate symbol from action and explore the need behind the image.
- Fantasy and real choice — “Fantasizing Without Acting.” Relief may appear: not everything has to be brought into life. The work supports the right to an inner space without an obligation to realize it.
- Initiative and seduction — “Fear of Showing Initiative.” Anger may arise: “why should I?” This can lead to rejection history, shame around activity, or the ban on being visible.
- The right to want and not want — “The Right to Want More Than a Partner.” Shame about being “too much” may appear. The work explores who inside calls desire excessive and what the client does with her “more.”
- Consent and hidden pressure — “Consent Through Concession.” The body may freeze before words arrive. The therapist slows down and asks where “yes” has been a way to avoid tension.
- Power and submission — “Voluntary Submission.” Interest and fear may appear together. The work differentiates play, consent, control, stop signals, and old helplessness.
- Sexual shame and inner prohibitions — “The Mother Archetype.” Rejection or irritation may lead to an inner prohibiting voice: “women like that do not…”. The task is to hear the prohibition before arguing with it.
- Sexuality, body, and self-sense — “Body as an Object of Evaluation.” The reaction may move into looking at oneself from outside. Therapy returns the question: am I evaluating myself, or sensing myself from within.
Cards under the themes: 10 examples from the deck
These are not “correct answers”, but examples of how a specific card can fit a theme. The card number makes it easy to find the same card in the online or physical deck.
Theme: How female desire begins. Card 4: “Bodily arousal without desire”
How female desire begins. Card 4, “Bodily arousal without desire”. Self-reflection question: “Am I able to distinguish between body reaction and real desire?”
The client draws the card and suddenly laughs: “oh no, this is definitely not about me.” The therapist does not stop the laughter or expose it as defense, but gently asks: “if we believe this laughter, what is it protecting you from right now?”. A fear of spontaneity may appear: desire seems to need control, explanation, and permission from outside.
Theme: Contact with pleasure. Card 18: “Ignorance of one's own body”
Contact with pleasure. Card 18, “Ignorance of one's own body”. Self-reflection question: “What do I know about my body, and what am I just guessing?”
After seeing the card, irritation appears: “I do not want to talk about this, let us take another one.” This is an important reaction, not a wrong choice. The therapist can suggest not changing the card immediately, but exploring the boundary for a minute: “what wants to move away from this theme: the body, shame, anger, tiredness?”. After that, the client can choose to stay, change the card, or stop the exercise.
Theme: Female erotic fantasies. Card 27: “Fantasy about a stranger”
Female erotic fantasies. Card 27, “Fantasy about a stranger”. Self-reflection question: “Where might there be desire here, and where might there be pressure?”
The card brings shame and quiet curiosity at the same time. The client says: “I feel awkward, but for some reason I keep looking.” Here it helps to separate fantasy from action: a fantasy does not require realization. A question may be: “what need is looking at this card with you: freedom, safety, novelty, attention, the right to be desired?”
Theme: Fantasy and real choice. Card 39: “Termination of the experiment”
Fantasy and real choice. Card 39, “Termination of the experiment”. Self-reflection question: “What does this card invite you to talk about out loud?”
This theme may bring relief: “so I can fantasize and do nothing with it?”. In therapy this often opens the right to an inner space without reporting to a partner, morality, or old shame. The therapist can support it: “what changes in the body when fantasy stops being an instruction to act?”
Theme: Initiative and seduction. Card 45: “Flirting without the promise of sex”
Initiative and seduction. Card 45, “Flirting without the promise of sex”. Self-reflection question: “What is my body saying before I can explain?”
The client sees the card and gets angry: “why should I seduce anyone at all?”. This anger may not be resistance to therapy, but the return of strength after experiences where her activity was mocked or used. The therapist may ask: “is this anger saying ‘I do not want to’, or ‘I want to, but I do not want to be humiliated again’?”
Theme: The right to want and not want. Card 52: “The right to want less than your partner”
The right to want and not want. Card 52, “The right to want less than your partner”. Self-reflection question: “Where has this theme already appeared in my experience?”
The reaction may be guilt: “if I want less, I am a bad partner.” The therapist helps separate desire from obligation and asks: “when did your ‘less’ start feeling like guilt?”. Sometimes an old script appears here: love has to be earned through convenience, availability, or concession.
Theme: Consent and hidden pressure. Card 63: “Consent to preserve the relationship”
Consent and hidden pressure. Card 63, “Consent to preserve the relationship”. Self-reflection question: “What in this card do I want to bring closer?”
The card can create freezing before any words arrive. The client seems to agree to continue, but the body contracts. The therapist can name the observation: “I see that we touched something very delicate; is there even a small inner yes to continue right now?”. In this way, consent is explored in the session process itself.
Theme: Power and submission. Card 71: “Voluntary submission”
Power and submission. Card 71, “Voluntary submission”. Self-reflection question: “What is most alive for me about this topic: curiosity, shame, tension, or desire?”
A mixed reaction often appears here: interest and fear. The client may say: “I am drawn to this, but I am afraid it is wrong.” The work is not to approve or forbid, but to distinguish voluntary choice, control, stop signals, play, and old helplessness. The question is: “where is your choice present in this theme, and where does it disappear?”
Theme: Sexual shame and inner prohibitions. Card 83: “Shame about lack of desire”
Sexual shame and inner prohibitions. Card 83, “Shame about lack of desire”. Self-reflection question: “What in this card do I want to bring closer?”
Shame, rejection, or an inner voice may appear: “normal women do not think like that.” This is a good moment to bring the prohibition, rather than sexuality itself, into awareness. The therapist may ask: “whose voice says this inside?”, “what is this voice trying to protect?”, “what part of you still wants to be heard underneath it?”
Theme: Sexuality, body, and self-sense. Card 92: “The body as a source of information”
Sexuality, body, and self-sense. Card 92, “The body as a source of information”. Self-reflection question: “Where has this theme already appeared in my experience?”
The card may suddenly bring softness or sadness: “I have not asked my body what it feels for a long time.” The reaction in this theme does not have to be sharp. Sometimes the most important movement is not a breakthrough, but returning from evaluation to sensation: “how does contact with the body change if you look at it not through the critic’s eyes, but as a source of information?”
Live requests: how a card number becomes the start of dialogue
In real work, the request often sounds ordinary, while the card quickly shows where tension is already present inside. The card should not become a verdict; it is an entry point into observation.
- Request: “I do not know whether I want closeness or simply agree.” Card 63, “Consent for the Sake of Preserving the Relationship,” is drawn. Reaction: freezing, difficulty looking at the card. The therapist may ask: “where has your yes been a way not to lose someone?”
- Request: “I feel ashamed to want less than my partner.” Card 52, “The Right to Want Less Than Your Partner,” is drawn. Reaction: guilt and a wish to justify oneself. The work moves toward the right to one’s own pace: “what happens if your less does not need to be defended?”
- Request: “My fantasies scare me, as if they prove something about me.” Card 27, “Fantasy About a Stranger,” is drawn. Reaction: shame and curiosity at the same time. The therapist separates fantasy, action, and consent: “what need does the image show if we do not take it literally?”
- Request: “I seem not to feel my body, only evaluate it.” Card 92, “The Body as a Source of Information,” is drawn. Reaction: sadness, softness, a wish to exhale. The therapist can return the client to sensation: “what does the body already know while the mind is searching for the right answer?”
A separate note on the online Bezsoromna deck
The online deck is useful when a quick but still careful entry into the theme is needed. It can be opened without preparation, one card can be drawn online, and the work can stay with one here-and-now reaction instead of the whole deck at once.
The “one card” format is especially suitable for self-reflection, individual sessions, or homework after therapy. The request can be simple: “what is ashamed to be noticed right now?”, “where does my body speak before words?”, “what boundary am I not allowing myself to name?”.
After drawing the card, it is better not to rush into interpretation. First note the card number, title, first body reaction, emotion, action impulse, and one uncensored phrase. Only then move to the card question and see what exactly it illuminates.
What therapy with one card could look like
Working with one card: first the client request, then the image, body reaction, and only then careful meaning-making
Client request: “I seem to want more closeness, but when my partner shows desire, I shut down.” She draws a card from the theme of consent or hidden pressure. The first reaction is tension in the belly, the wish to put the card away, and the phrase: “it feels unpleasant.”
What the therapist can do here and now: not explain the card for the client, but slow the contact down: “let us not rush to a conclusion; what exactly feels unpleasant: the gaze, posture, distance, sense of control?” If the therapist notices a countertransference urge to rescue or calm quickly, this is also information: perhaps it is hard to stay with the client’s tension, as others may not have been able to stay with it before.
Questions for awareness: “where is this in the body?”, “if this tension could speak, what would it ask for?”, “where have you said yes while something inside was no?”, “what would help return choice now?”. In this way the card becomes not a test or diagnosis, but a way to see an automatic script in live contact.
Another request: “I feel ashamed to show initiative.” The client draws a seduction card, laughs, and says: “this is not about me.” The therapist may support the defense: “maybe it is not; and what in this card would you definitely not want people to think about you?”. Often the rejection reaction opens a prohibited desire, fear of ridicule, or an old rejection experience.