This material is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or psychotherapeutic advice. If you are experiencing an acute psychological condition or need professional support, please contact a doctor, psychologist, psychotherapist, or crisis service.
A woman looks at a card and says, “I do not want to talk about this.” Explanations are already available: embarrassment, fear of a desire, avoidance of a difficult subject. Yet all we know so far is that she has asked to stop. Inviting her to explore this “resistance” a little longer would begin a conversation about consent by disregarding her refusal.
With intimate subjects, that is a useful check on the conversation itself. Someone may feel interested, laugh, turn away or feel nothing particular. Each response leaves them free to choose what to discuss next.
The Bezsoromna deck in practice: real cards for exploring body reactions, shame, desire, boundaries, and consent
What the Bezsoromna deck covers
Bezsoromna is an 18+ metaphorical associative card deck about female sexuality. Its 100 cards cover ten areas: how desire arises, pleasure, erotic fantasies, fantasy and real-life choice, initiative, wanting and not wanting, consent and hidden pressure, power and submission, sexual shame, and the relationship with one’s body.
The name may suggest that the exercise should make someone more uninhibited. That is not the task. A woman may notice a wish for closeness, a need for distance, frustration with someone’s expectations or interest in a single image. “I do not want this today” has as much room here as curiosity about something new.
If an exercise brings overwhelming distress, memories of violence or difficulty staying in the present, stop and seek available support. The deck is intended for associative conversation and self-observation. It does not diagnose or replace professional care.
What an image actually shows
Two people stand close together on a card. One viewer notices tenderness; another sees too little space between them. The picture may provide no information about their relationship, intentions or consent. Each viewer supplies part of the story through associations.
Begin with a detail: “His hand is on her shoulder.” Then add an impression: “I think she looks uncomfortable.” What prompted that thought? What other readings are possible? The feeling still matters, without becoming evidence about the pictured people or the viewer’s own past.
A card as a third point between the client and the theme: the reaction to the image can be explored before direct disclosure
A first reaction has no ready-made explanation
Laughter can accompany embarrassment, surprise, a funny association or disagreement with the wording. Tense shoulders are not self-explanatory either: someone may be tired, cold or worried about something outside the exercise. “What happened just now?” leaves more room than “You are laughing because you are defending yourself.”
Dmytro Telushko suggests paying attention to the response that arises alongside a card. Notice it, ask whether the person wants to discuss it, and leave room for another explanation. A lack of strong feeling does not need to be corrected.
One common card back: safe uncertainty before the card is chosen
Ten themes through specific cards
The numbers below follow the deck’s materials. These are possible questions, not predictions of how someone will react. Choose one topic if that is enough.
Desire and physiological response: card 4
Examples across themes: the image does not give an answer, but it may quickly reveal body reaction, resistance, or interest
“Physical arousal without desire” places bodily response, subjective desire and a decision about contact alongside one another. Arousal can be involuntary and does not establish consent. What did you notice, what did you want, and what were you willing to agree to?
Pleasure: card 18
Theme: How female desire begins. Card 4: “Bodily arousal without desire”
“Not knowing one’s own body” may bring up the habit of evaluating yourself through someone else’s eyes while overlooking comfort. A small everyday detail is enough to record: what feels pleasant, what irritates, what you would prefer less of. The exercise does not require discussing intimate touch or trying anything physically.
Erotic fantasy: card 27
Theme: Contact with pleasure. Card 18: “Ignorance of one's own body”
“Fantasy about a stranger” may prompt curiosity, indifference or embarrassment. If you want to explore it, consider what interests you: novelty, the absence of a shared history, imagining yourself differently. None of those suggestions has to fit. Imagination creates no obligation to enact a scene or report it to a partner.
Real-life choice: card 39
Theme: Female erotic fantasies. Card 27: “Fantasy about a stranger”
“Ending an experiment” concerns a change of decision. Something that sounded interesting may feel unpleasant in practice. Can the person stop after beginning, and how does the other person respond? Earlier curiosity does not oblige anyone to continue.
Initiative: card 45
Theme: Fantasy and real choice. Card 39: “Termination of the experiment”
“Flirting without promising sex” distinguishes enjoying an exchange from agreeing to further intimacy. Someone may want conversation without wanting another form of contact. If that feels awkward, whose expectation of a next step is involved, and was it discussed?
Different levels of desire: card 52
Theme: Initiative and seduction. Card 45: “Flirting without the promise of sex”
“The right to want less than a partner” does not decide whose level of desire is correct. It asks how a couple handles the difference: can it be named, or do comparisons, blame and bargaining begin? A journal entry might contain one sentence you would like to say without an extended apology.
Consent and fear of losing a relationship: card 63
Theme: The right to want and not want. Card 52: “The right to want less than your partner”
“Agreeing to preserve a relationship” already suggests a story, but that story should not automatically explain the reader’s life. If it feels familiar, describe a specific occasion: the proposal, the answer, whether refusal was possible without punishment or threats. Ongoing coercion calls first for protection and support, rather than a better way of phrasing a refusal.
Power and willingness: card 71
Theme: Consent and hidden pressure. Card 63: “Consent to preserve the relationship”
“Voluntary submission” raises questions about agreement, freedom to change a decision and responses to stopping. Similar-looking behaviour can occur under different conditions. A pose in a picture cannot establish those conditions; real interactions require clear consent and respect for participants’ boundaries.
Shame about not wanting: card 83
Theme: Power and submission. Card 71: “Voluntary submission”
“Shame about the absence of desire” addresses the expectation that a sexually free woman should want sex frequently and readily. Where did that expectation come from, and how does it affect conversation? Not wanting contact at a particular moment does not need proof before it can be respected.
Bodily experience: card 92
Theme: Sexual shame and inner prohibitions. Card 83: “Shame about lack of desire”
“The body as a source of information” can turn attention towards comfort, tension, tiredness or interest. Describe sensations in your own words and keep their context in view. A single bodily signal is insufficient to establish the cause of a feeling or decide what another person wants.
Beginning with one card
Theme: Sexuality, body, and self-sense. Card 92: “The body as a source of information”
Choose a question you can consider without becoming overwhelmed. For instance: “In which conversation is it difficult to ask for a pause?” Pick a card openly or at random. Random selection does not make the image a message specially intended for you.
Describe two or three visible details, then your associations. If an event from your life comes to mind, record one scene. Include what remains unknown. A small next step might be clarifying an agreement, leaving time to answer or deciding not to continue the subject yet.
Two ways to use three cards
In “shame — desire — boundary”, the headings provide three questions. The first card does not identify hidden shame, and the others do not reveal a correct decision. Check whether the associations fit at all, and put aside an image you do not want to add anything to.
“Want — do not want — do not know” can accommodate a mixed answer. You might want an evening together without sexual contact, or want to discuss a fantasy without sharing details yet. The three positions preserve those distinctions instead of requiring one general yes.
With a professional or a partner
Working with one card: first the client request, then the image, body reaction, and only then careful meaning-making
A woman says the image feels unpleasant. The practitioner can ask whether she wants another card, to end the exercise or to explain one detail. If she chooses another card, the earlier refusal was already an adequate answer. Keeping her choice did not require proving that the discomfort was justified.
Partners should also avoid interpreting each other’s responses. “You seemed tense to me. Would you like to stop?” leaves room to answer. “The card revealed what you really want” narrows that room. Groups need agreements about privacy, the option to skip a turn, and a rule against interpreting someone else’s card without an invitation. The deck itself cannot guarantee how participants behave.
Desire, consent and changing a decision
RAINN’s consent guidance distinguishes voluntary agreement from involuntary physiological responses. Consent concerns a specific interaction, remains voluntary and can be withdrawn. Silence, freezing and lack of resistance should not be treated as permission to continue.
WHO’s account of sexual health emphasises respect and freedom from coercion. A useful outcome may therefore be a clearer no, a calm question or a decision not to share details. The number of intimate disclosures does not measure the quality of the exercise.
The online deck and a record afterwards
The online version of Bezsoromna can introduce a single card. An ordinary notebook is enough alongside it: the number, a visible detail, an association and a question to revisit. A private entry does not oblige you to send it to a partner or show a group.
For a structured format, explore the boundaries journal, body journal or emotions journal. The “I Have the Right” cards offer other images for considering choice and boundaries. No additional product is a required next step.
Finish by noting what became clearer, what is still unknown and what you do not want to do now. Our article on sexual intelligence explores desire, response and agreement further. Sometimes a card leaves one short request: “Give me time to think.” That is already specific enough for another person to hear.