Midlife Crisis: Understanding the Wish for Change

At forty-seven, Iryna knows her job better than ever. She works in a museum archive, remembers the history of its collections and finds documents others thought were lost. Lately, though, Sunday evenings bring a reluctance to think about Monday. After work she helps her mother; at weekends she finishes catalogue descriptions. Asked what she wants for herself, she replies: “First I need to sort everything else out.”

Iryna does not want to dismiss twenty years at the museum. She wants to understand why her schedule leaves so little room for her own interests. This fictional story could be described as a midlife crisis, but looking at the circumstances is more useful. Age alone explains neither her tiredness nor her wish for change.

No. An inevitable turning point at a particular age does not reflect the variety of people’s experiences. Job loss, illness, divorce or a reconsideration of plans can happen in different years. Some people experience severe distress; others gradually change habits and agreements without calling it a crisis.

Research on midlife describes both challenges and opportunities for development. The APA dictionary also questions whether this distress is specific to the middle years. A checklist of things you “must experience after forty” is unlikely to explain your individual situation.

At first, Iryna describes everything as “having had enough.” Writing down her last week reveals differences. Finding an artist’s correspondence still absorbs her. Approving small purchases every day is draining. Visiting her mother matters, but every visit does not necessarily have to be her responsibility alone.

Try separating general dissatisfaction into particular episodes. When does it become difficult? What still interests you? Which commitment did you choose, and which has gone unquestioned for years? A note does not provide a ready-made answer, but it can identify what to discuss with a manager, family member or professional.

Iryna is used to remembering everything and picking up unfinished work. It brought recognition and genuinely helped her colleagues. Now she feels angry when another folder arrives, yet often agrees before checking how much time she has.

There is no need to declare her earlier life “false.” She can value her reliability while changing one rule: new work is accepted after a conversation about deadlines and priorities. That means tolerating an unfamiliar pause and perhaps a colleague’s displeasure. Her previous contribution does not disappear because she changes an agreement.

In The Middle Passage, James Hollis addresses meaning and personal choice in midlife. His book list is available on the author’s website. This is a Jungian interpretation of experience, not a law of ageing or a diagnosis.

For your own notes, ask: which decision am I still carrying out even though it was made under very different circumstances? Iryna remembers agreeing to handle purchases temporarily while a colleague was ill. The colleague returned long ago, but the temporary arrangement became permanent. There is now something specific to discuss alongside the larger question of meaning.

A colleague tells Iryna about a short training trip. Iryna immediately criticises the programme, then realises on the way home that she would like to go too. She feels ashamed of her envy and frustrated that she has not even opened the announcement.

A Jungian discussion of the Shadow can invite attention to a wish that is difficult to acknowledge. Here it is specific: Iryna wants to study and sometimes be away without guilt. She does not need a conclusion about her whole personality before taking another step. She can check the course conditions, the budget and whether someone can help her mother.

Iryna does not resign the next morning. She asks to transfer some approvals to another employee for a month and agrees with her brother that he will make one regular visit to their mother. She keeps a newly free evening for an introductory meeting about the course.

This is an example, not a rule that major changes must always wait. Sometimes a job or relationship does need to end; dangerous circumstances call for protection. The question is what information and support you need. You can note the costs, possible consequences, a review date and the circumstances in which you would stop the trial.

Joseph Campbell explored recurring motifs in mythological stories. The Joseph Campbell Foundation explains the approach and cautions against reducing it to rigid identical steps. Applied to personal life, the image can be a way of telling a story, rather than an obligation to complete every ordeal and return victorious.

With the My Myth: The Hero’s Journey metaphorical cards, you might choose an image and describe what it brings to mind about your circumstances. Who could you ask for help? What do you not know yet? What action are you willing to try? Your response gives the image meaning; a card does not identify a hidden cause or make a decision for you.

The EQ journal can provide space for one episode: the event, feeling, assumption and your response. For example: “Heard about the trip. Criticised the programme without reading it. Want to find out about taking part myself.” A note can include both an uncomfortable feeling and an action.

In a gratitude diary, Iryna might acknowledge that her brother agreed to help without pretending all the difficulties have disappeared. Gratitude to colleagues does not oblige her to keep the same workload. The MriyaRun online diary is another option for brief observations if that format suits you. None of these tools measures how “correctly” you are growing older.

Persistent marked deterioration in wellbeing, loss of interest, disrupted sleep or difficulty managing everyday activities should not simply be attributed to age. Consult a psychologist, psychotherapist or clinician to explore what is happening. Questions of meaning can be discussed alongside support for particular symptoms.

An immediate risk to your safety calls for urgent help. For a conversation without an immediate threat, you can begin by describing recent weeks: what changed, what you have tried and what you need now.

Iryna does not yet know whether she wants a different profession. For now, she knows she enjoys working with documents, is tired of some duties and wants to make room for learning. That is enough to begin a conversation.