Most of it is self-criticism.
"I'm a weakling, free-spirited, so I won't achieve anything in life, but Svetka has a cool figure, because she doesn't cut cakes and does sports, and I'll stay fat anyway." This is roughly the dialogue we have with ourselves when we mess up or make a mistake.
Why is our natural reaction to self-flagellation and self-criticism?
There are many reasons and explanations for this.
- Even ancient Greek and Roman thinkers wrote that in order to be happy, one must be virtuous and righteous. Self-criticism, guilt, and self-flagellation were the main ways to achieve happiness in the afterlife.
- Martyrs are considered saints in many philosophies and spiritual traditions. Many religions support the idea that we must suffer, criticize ourselves, and make great sacrifices in order to be happy.
- There is a classic idea that mistakes or sins require punishment. If you do not use the whip method in raising children, it will spoil the child. Therefore, we have good reasons to punish ourselves and other people who make mistakes - so "we make them better".
- Freud argued that these people are driven by selfish, destructive, aggressive impulses that must be tightly controlled.
- The main idea of behaviorism was that good deeds should be rewarded, bad deeds should be punished. The reasons for unwanted behavior are not important, the main thing is to punish him.
- Another idea that leads to self-criticism is natural selection. The strongest survives. For this you have to be better than others. That's great, except it's statistically impossible for everyone to be better than average.
You see, for a long time we have been taught that self-criticism and punishment are the way to happiness and a great way to become better. But global depression statistics (350 million people according to the WHO) clearly show that this is not a working tool.
- Mriya.run: Space for Conscious Change. Learning, Practice & Tools
- The Hero's Journey
- Why is it natural for us to criticize ourselves, but it is effective?