This material is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or psychotherapeutic advice. If you are experiencing an acute psychological condition or need professional support, please contact a doctor, psychologist, psychotherapist, or crisis service.
Asked how she is, Elena says everything is fine, apart from a buzzing head. At dinner, message notifications irritate her, and being asked to pass the salt sounds as if somebody is making yet another demand. She remembers a work conversation: a colleague changed an agreement, and Elena accepted because she did not want an argument. But there is no clear explanation yet connecting that scene with how she feels now. There may be anger, hurt, anxiety, tiredness, or several experiences together.
When words are scarce, a bodily sensation can be easier to name: tight shoulders, heaviness, heat, restlessness. This can begin an attentive conversation with yourself. There is no need to rush to the conclusion that your body has revealed something you are hiding. Looking at the event, your assumptions and what seems to be missing is more useful.
This article concerns self-observation. Discuss new, unusual or persistent physical symptoms with a clinician. Sudden chest pain that does not go away, or chest pain with breathlessness, sweating or light-headedness, needs emergency help, not a search for an emotional explanation.
A sound studio: noticing differences without rushing to an answer. AI-generated editorial illustration, not a demonstration of a therapy method.
Sensations, emotions and thoughts are different parts of experience
“My shoulders are tense” describes a bodily sensation. “I am angry” names an emotion. “They disregarded me again” interprets what happened. These can easily become mixed together in conversation, especially when events move quickly. Separating them allows each part to be considered on its own.
Elena clearly remembers that her colleague moved the deadline. She thinks her time means nothing to him. Perhaps that is true; perhaps he did not understand how much work the change adds. Her irritation already exists regardless of which explanation is confirmed. She can acknowledge it while also clarifying the circumstances.
Another line concerns a need: Elena wants predictability and a say in the amount of work she takes on. A further line concerns action: asking about priorities, stating her deadline or pausing for now. A feeling provides information about an experience, but it does not, by itself, determine what to do.
Existing metaphorical illustration of attending to personal experience.
Why feelings can be hard to name
“Bad” can contain many different experiences. Someone is sad because they lost something important, frightened by uncertainty, angry after an unfair decision, or ashamed that they could not manage a task. Demanding an exact word immediately adds the task of answering correctly to the experience itself.
You can begin more simply: is the state mainly pleasant or unpleasant, activated or drained? Do you want to come closer, move away, talk or be alone? These are questions for observation, not a table with one correct solution for every answer. Sometimes “I cannot distinguish it yet” is an appropriate note.
The circumstances of the conversation matter too. Someone may struggle for words during a meeting and later, after a walk, notice that they felt confused and hurt. Writing is easier for some people; others prefer talking to an attentive listener or returning to an episode in small parts. Openness does not need to be measured by how quickly someone discloses.
What alexithymia means
Research on alexithymia considers difficulties identifying and describing feelings, alongside a predominantly externally oriented thinking style. These dimensions are described in Carnegie Mellon University's research materials on the TAS-20. Someone may describe a sequence of events in detail while struggling to say what they experienced emotionally.
The original paper by Bagby, Parker and Taylor on the TAS-20 concerns the development and evaluation of an assessment instrument. One everyday scene is insufficient to establish such a characteristic. Difficulty naming feelings also does not justify concluding that someone has no emotions, cannot love or will inevitably become ill.
If this difficulty repeatedly interferes with conversations, relationships or asking for support, it can be explored with a psychologist or psychotherapist. Communicating one's state more clearly may be a useful goal, without requiring a definitive label for oneself.
An existing artistic image of inner experience, not a diagnostic depiction of alexithymia.
Discussing stress without the myth of “stored emotions”
MedlinePlus describes bodily responses to stress, including muscle tension and changes in heart rate. Prolonged stress can affect health and well-being. This does not establish that every symptom results from a particular unspoken feeling, or that naming an emotion is enough to resolve an illness.
An everyday note can leave several possible factors open. Elena slept little, worked for a long time without a break, argued with a colleague and missed lunch. These details can be noticed without reaching a final conclusion about the cause of her headache. If needed, they can inform a conversation with a clinician, while her feelings can be explored with a psychologist.
“The body speaks” can remain an image for paying attention to one's state. It does not provide a dictionary in which a particular body part always means fear, guilt or anger. This distinction is explored further in our article on back and joint pain.
Narrative illustration of medical assessment and psychological support, not an anatomical diagram.
Anger does not require a confrontation
Once Elena recognises anger, she might become frightened of the next step: either an argument or swallowing everything again. Other actions are available between those options. She can clarify the agreement, explain that she cannot meet both demands, ask to review priorities or postpone her reply until morning.
Anger does not always indicate a violated boundary. Someone may be angry because of disappointment, tiredness, an unfulfilled wish or an assumption about another person's intentions. It helps to examine the particular scene. If the feeling is understandable but an action caused harm, it is possible both to attend to the need and apologise for unfair words.
Likewise, sadness does not require immediate cheering up, and fear does not prove that danger is inevitable. Acknowledging a feeling gives it a place in the account of an event. A subsequent decision also needs facts, circumstances and consideration for other people.
Existing narrative illustration accompanying the discussion of feelings.
A practice using one episode
Choose a recent situation that does not feel overwhelming. Describe what happened in a way that distinguishes it from an explanation. For example: “No reply to my message arrived before the evening.” “They are deliberately ignoring me” can go on a separate line as a thought that remains to be checked.
Next, describe what you notice now: urgency, heaviness, wanting to check the phone. Try one or two approximate feeling words. “It seems like anxiety and hurt” is enough; absolute precision is unnecessary. If attending to sensations feels unpleasant, you can stay with the external event and the thought.
Then ask, “What matters to me in this situation, and what seems to be missing?” Perhaps clarity, rest or respect for an agreement. Finish with one available action: clarify when to expect a reply, return to your own activities or prepare a conversation. This is an editorial self-observation exercise, not a test or a treatment.
One episode: event, sensation, thought, feeling and action. An editorial guide, not a test.
Supporting this conversation with someone else
“I do not know what I feel” can be met without interrogation: ask what happened and what is most difficult now. Offer a word as a possibility: “Is it more like hurt, or something else?” The other person may disagree, choose another explanation or not continue for now.
Facial expression and posture do not provide infallible access to another person's inner world. Someone quiet is not necessarily calm, and someone crying may be experiencing several feelings at once. Respecting the answer helps more than insisting that you know what they are “really hiding.”
Existing metaphorical illustration; colours do not encode particular illnesses or emotions.
Where MriyaRun tools can be useful
The EQ Emotion Journal contains material about basic emotions and their shades, questions and writing tasks. You can use it to return to one episode, compare several feeling words and record your own account. “I do not know yet” can also be part of that work.
Actual photograph of the Ukrainian edition of the EQ Emotion Journal.
The Body Journal “Conversation with Yourself” can be used for a brief description of a sensation and its circumstances. Beside “tense shoulders,” for example, you might add “long meeting without a break; thinking about unfinished work.” This leaves questions about causes open rather than turning a sensation into a diagnosis.
The Mistress of Her Boundaries Journal can be brought in when observation has led to a specific request or a wish to change an agreement. Elena might write, “With the changed deadline, I cannot finish both tasks. Can we agree which comes first?” All these approaches can also be tried in an ordinary notebook.
Actual photograph of the Ukrainian edition of the boundaries journal.
By evening, Elena may still not have found one exact word. Yet she can already distinguish the work event from her assumption about her colleague, notice tiredness and identify what she wants to ask tomorrow. That is enough for a beginning: her experience has become easier to describe, and she has more room to respond attentively.