Why We Sacrifice Our Well-Being and Where Care Needs a Boundary

Many people think that if I am already happy, why should I make extra efforts? But, as I already wrote in the article "Why it is beneficial to be happy", it is the state of happiness that makes a person very productive, and not the other way around. Numerous studies confirm this. Happier people achieve great success in all areas of life. Barbara Fredrickson, a professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, calls this effect of spreading happiness "The Broaddening effect of happiness." In her book Positivity, she cites several studies that prove that when we are happy, we generate more ideas, and those ideas are of better quality, and as a result, we achieve greater success.

This means that if I am happy, why should I think and worry about others? But this statement is also not true, and this is also proven by many scientific studies. Although why go far, if each of you can remember a moment when you helped other people, I'm sure it wasn't after you were yelled at by your boss or stepped on in the subway. Only when we ourselves are happy, we are able to help others for free.

I want to give an example from my own life. At my last job, we formed a very friendly team, we spent time together at work and outside of it. And since we always had a lot of work to do, we often stayed late to help each other finish urgent matters. Our superiors really liked that we were all on time and working so harmoniously. But after about a year, maybe a little more, a crisis began, we began to be delayed, the work did not become less, but only more, everyone was tired of constant revisions. This is how the general dissatisfaction of the team began to grow. And what happened? We stopped helping each other. We did not stop being friends, we quickly became even closer, but the level of happiness dropped rapidly. I will only say for myself, I did not have the strength and desire to stay and help someone, as before. As long as I was happy and my work gave me satisfaction, it was easy and joyful for me. As soon as the level of happiness dropped, the desire to help also disappeared. I think that each of you will find such an example. By the way, I still love and appreciate my former colleagues very much.

Many do not appreciate happiness, thinking that it is temporary. But it depends on what happiness means to you. If you mistake happiness for fleeting or sensual pleasures such as shopping, sweets, alcohol and other doping, then yes, such "happiness" is actually fleeting. I think that the point here is to correctly define the concept of happiness for yourself.

I also believe that many people do not value happiness, believing that happiness must be paid for by unhappiness. "Don't laugh too much, you'll cry later." Familiar phrase? The white stripe must be followed by a black one. Many are afraid to be happy, so that later unhappiness would also be less, as if there are some scales of happiness and unhappiness. In fact, such scales do not exist, the longevity of happiness depends on us. Remember that we already have everything to be happy.

I would call it a replacement of concepts. This is when we forget about the end goal and start chasing the means that were supposed to lead to what we really need. The most banal example is money, not what we originally wanted to buy with it. We chase money as if it is the main goal. In English, there is even a special term "medium maximization" or "maximization of means" to describe this effect, and there was also a study by Christopher Hsieh, which is called "Medium Maximization" and which describes in great detail how this substitution occurs and why.

People give up comfort for a child, loved one, shared cause, or safety. This is not inherently harmful when the choice is conscious, bounded, supported, and allows recovery.

Risk grows when refusal feels impossible because of punishment, shame, dependence, or the belief that one's needs do not matter. Chronic sacrifice accumulates fatigue, resentment, and unspoken expectations.

A boundary defines available time, money, attention, or responsibility without destroying basic needs. It may require negotiation, shared duties, pause, and outside help.

Acceptance Through Gratitude helps recognize relational value without denying the cost of care or one's own needs.