This material is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or psychotherapeutic advice. If you are experiencing an acute psychological condition or need professional support, please contact a doctor, psychologist, psychotherapist, or crisis service.
Reason number 1 - comparison with others is disappointing
To understand that you are better than other people, you will have to compare yourself with them. It is naturally impossible to determine the advantage without comparison. And every time you will come across someone who is better than you, more beautiful, stronger, richer. Perhaps this person started earlier in the same business as you, and therefore became successful. The reasons are not important, but such findings are upsetting, and we begin to compare even more and get even more upset.
In the book "The Psychology of Happiness. A new approach" Dr. Sonia Lyubomirski notes that although comparisons with others can sometimes be helpful, most of the time "observation of others is harmful." Another researcher, a psychologist from Cornell University, Thomas Gilovich, practically repeats the conclusion of Professor Lubomirsky: "Competition is a path to unhappiness, it is not a sports competition in which we participate for fun, but rivalry. There will always be someone better than you. Trying to dominate others alienates you from them. And relationships with other people are what make people happy."
Harvard scientists conducted the longest study on happiness. For 75 years, they have studied the lives of many people to find out what makes us happy. And it turned out that good and high-quality relationships with other people are the key to a happy life. The results of this experiment can be viewed in a video report by Harvard psychiatrist Robert Waldinger.
When we start comparing ourselves or our accomplishments to others, we automatically become envious, and envy is the killer of happiness. Professor Lyubomyrsky emphasizes in his book "The Psychology of Happiness. A new approach."
"You can't be jealous and happy at the same time"
As research by Abram Tesser shows, the closer people are, the more we envy them, and the worse our relationship with them will be. For example, if you are into dancing, you will be more jealous of a dancer from your city or neighborhood than from other cities and neighborhoods. The situation within the family is even worse, if one of your family members thrives in dancing more than you, then you will be more jealous than if it were a stranger.
Reason number 2 - materialism leads to loneliness
Comparing yourself to others is not easy. In some areas, the parameters of comparison are very blurred. It is quite difficult to understand which picture is the most beautiful in the world, or which dance or song is the best. At such moments, material things become a measure of superiority. The one who has a bigger house, a cooler car or even more houses, more cool cars and so on ad infinitum is better and more successful. Therefore, in order to surpass others, a person often becomes a materialist. And when you become materialistic, you are bound to become unhappy. There are many reasons for this. Here are just some of them.
Loneliness.
When you surround yourself with things, you distance yourself from other people. As the video shows, feeling isolated makes us unhappy. And healthy and quality relationships with other people make us happy.
Addiction.
Enjoyment and joy from material things will not last long. After buying a new house, the joy can last from a few days to a few months, and then you have to buy a bigger house to experience the joy and enjoyment again. The same thing happens with cars, phones and other purchases. We get used to new things very quickly, too quickly. Watch a funny video by American comedian Louis CK [5] on this topic: "Everything is great, but everyone is unhappy."
You can read more about materialism in the book "To be or to have" by Tim Kasser.
Reason #3 – others stop loving us
When we start striving for superiority, we become more selfish. Our goals and achievements come to the fore, we stop caring about others, accordingly, those around us begin to care less about us. Also, when we start competing with other people, they automatically start seeing us as the enemy and start behaving accordingly.
Chasing superiority, we significantly reduce our level of happiness. We constantly compare ourselves with others and get upset because of it, we start to depend more on things, we distance ourselves from people, we become more selfish, we are consumed by envy, our relationships with family and friends deteriorate, especially if we compete with them. All this makes us unhappy.
We look to others to assess norms, possibility, risk, and belonging. Trouble begins when another person's result becomes the sole measure of worth and each achievement is immediately displaced by a higher bar.
Well-being has several dimensions
Social media changes the sample
Daily process is compared with someone else's selected display, which rarely reveals resources, support, starting conditions, losses, or cost.
A personal criterion for enough
Clarify why a goal matters, which progress indicators are controllable, what should not be sacrificed, and where work ends. Ambition does not require constant proof of superiority.
Words from Dmytro Telushko
“Another person's achievement can be a reference, but should not become a court. A personal path needs its own conditions, cost, and measure of enough.”
Dmytro Telushko
MriyaRun tool
Acceptance Through Gratitude supports noticing existing resources without abandoning desire or development.
Acceptance Through Gratitude