Escape from the Labyrinth: How to Stop Psychological Games and Reclaim Your Energy
Introduction: Why Do We Play?
Every one of us has at least once felt a strange "aftertaste" following a conversation: as if we talked about simple things, yet felt deceived, devalued, or forced to make excuses. This is a sure sign that you have become a participant in a psychological game.
Games are a surrogate for true intimacy. They are a way to get attention (even negative attention) or confirm old beliefs about the world without risking vulnerability. But the price of such games is too high: loss of energy, destruction of relationships, and constantly running in circles. can this be stopped? Yes, if you know the rules of the "anti-game."
Part 1. The Art of Stopping the Game (Reacting in the Moment)
According to the principles of Transactional Analysis, a game continues only as long as it remains hidden. As soon as you bring communication into the light of awareness, the magic of manipulation disappears.
- Reveal the cards through direct questions. A manipulator always relies on you guessing the hidden meaning but remaining silent. Break this pattern. If you sense a double meaning, ask directly: “Did I understand you correctly?”, “Did you really mean to say exactly that?”. This forces the other person to switch to an adult level of communication.
- Deprive the game of fuel. Ignoring and discounting are the hooks we get caught on. If you react emotionally (get offended or aggressively defend yourself), the game has succeeded. Instead, try open confrontation with respect or ignoring the invitation to the game itself. Switch the topic to something positive. For example, instead of arguing, give an unexpected compliment: “By the way, I was impressed by your opinion...”. This disarms them.
- Contracting instead of chaos. Many games arise from uncertainty. Implement "contracts" in communication: “Let's agree: first I will finish speaking, and then you?”. Clear agreements leave no room for manipulation.
Part 2. A Strategy for a Life Without Games (Preventive Measures)
The best way to win a psychological game is not to start it. This requires internal restructuring.
- Refuse passivity. Games are often a consequence of not speaking directly about our needs. Take responsibility: if you need something, say it. If we ignore our own needs, we will inevitably start manipulating others to satisfy them.
- Practice "Positive Strokes". People play games when they feel a hunger for recognition. Be generous with compliments, support, and positive attention. When a person's "emotional stomach" is full, they don't need to extract emotions from you through conflict.
- "I'm OK, You're OK" Life Position. This is the foundation of healthy communication. Respect the right of others to be different, but also respect your own right not to participate in what doesn't suit you.
Insight
Openness is a risk that pays off in freedom.
The main insight is that we avoid direct communication out of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of conflict, fear of vulnerability. A psychological game is a defense mechanism of the coward within us. But the paradox is that it is the refusal of this "defense" that makes us truly invulnerable. Honesty disarms faster than any trickery.
Conclusion
Stopping psychological games is not just a communication technique; it is an act of self-love. It is a choice to live in reality, not in illusions. When you stop playing, a colossal amount of energy is released, which previously went to servicing manipulations. You begin to see people as they are and build relationships based on trust, not scripts.
Practical Tool
Understanding the theory is the first step, but the skill of maintaining your boundaries is practiced daily. If you feel it is hard for you to say "no," you often fall into the Karpman Triangle, or you don't know how to protect yourself ecologically, you need a systematic approach.
We recommend paying attention to the "Diary of the Mistress of Her Boundaries" by author Dmytro Telushko. This is not just a notebook, but a step-by-step trainer for your personality.
It will help you:
- Track moments when you are being drawn into a game.
- Learn to record your true emotions and needs.
- Form healthy boundaries without guilt.
"Diary of the Mistress of Her Boundaries"