Love: A Psychoanalytic Perspective
Love is one of the deepest and most mysterious experiences of the human psyche. It is not only a social or biological phenomenon, but also a complex internal process rooted in the unconscious.
How does love arise?
From a psychoanalytic point of view, love is shaped by early childhood experiences. Sigmund Freud viewed love as an extension of our primary attachments—primarily to the mother or the initial caregiver. This early attachment becomes a template for future romantic relationships. Carl Gustav Jung, in turn, spoke of the projection of the archetypes of Anima and Animus, which define our romantic ideals and choice of partner.
Falling in love often arises through the mechanism of idealization—we attribute to another person the qualities we unconsciously seek or have lost. This is not just a biological process connected to hormones but an unconscious search for the “lost object” of childhood love.
The process of idealization and devaluation
Idealization is the mechanism through which we unconsciously assign another person traits that seem perfect to us. We see them through the lens of our own desires, expectations, and needs, creating the illusion of the ideal partner. This leads to a powerful emotional high and fascination.
However, over time, the phase of devaluation inevitably follows. Projections begin to fade, and we are confronted with the partner’s real personality, who, like any human, has flaws and weaknesses. What once seemed magical may begin to irritate or disappoint. This process can be painful, as we face our unmet expectations.
Devaluation is often a way the psyche tries to cope with disappointment: if the person didn’t match our projections, we may attempt to “write them off” instead of accepting their reality. In extreme cases, this can lead to destructive conflict or breakup.
How to accept someone after projections fade?
– Recognize that idealization is part of our inner process. It’s not that the partner changed, but our perception of them did.
– Accept the person as they are — with both strengths and flaws. Mature love isn’t about expecting perfection, but about mutual acceptance.
– Cultivate compassion — understand that every person has their own traumas, vulnerabilities, and limits. This helps to avoid harsh devaluation.
– Explore your own projections — what exactly drew you to this person? Was it a reflection of your inner needs?
– Shift your focus to real intimacy — instead of chasing an ideal, work on deepening the connection based on honesty and trust.
The Fall: Knowledge of Good and Evil
The story of Adam and Eve’s fall symbolizes the moment humanity gained the knowledge of good and evil, losing its original unity. This reflects the dualistic nature of our thinking, dividing the world into opposites. To return to wholeness, we must transcend this division and realize that good and evil are social constructs created by human consciousness.
The principle “Judge not, lest you be judged” highlights the importance of compassion. We all act in accordance with our inner conflicts and unconscious processes. Realizing this helps us refrain from harsh judgments and see the humanity behind others’ actions.
Research: Interaction with Artificial Intelligence
Recent studies show that more people are turning to interaction with AI because it feels safer. AI doesn’t hurt, reject, or judge — it accepts people as they are. This can be especially important for those struggling with relationships or dealing with past rejection trauma.
Codependent Relationships
Codependency arises when one person avoids responsibility and maturity, and the other takes on the role of the “rescuer.” This model often starts when the caretaker-partner offers the other a comfortable world: “You don’t need to work or study — I’ll take care of everything.” At first, this seems ideal, but over time, the projection fades, and a different reality emerges. The dependent partner, used to comfort and security, often lacks the resources or skills to return to independent living. This dynamic can persist for years, sustaining mutual dependency.
The Pros of Love
Love brings a sense of safety, belonging, and acceptance. It activates our capacity for empathy, altruism, and personal growth. In healthy relationships, love helps us integrate our shadow aspects (the unconscious parts of the personality) and move toward wholeness. It is through love that we come to know ourselves most deeply.