How does childhood trauma shape society? Explore Alice Miller's 12 points on the drama of the gifted child. Start your healing journey with MriyaRun diaries.
Shadows of the Nursery: How Unacknowledged Trauma Shapes Human History
We are accustomed to looking for the causes of wars, dictatorships, and social collapse in the offices of politicians, economic charts, or historical figures. But what if the real "kitchen" of history is located somewhere else entirely? What if the future of civilization is formed the moment the door to the nursery is closed?
Renowned psychoanalyst Alice Miller, in her seminal work, put forward a revolutionary thesis: the destructive consequences of childhood trauma inevitably impact society. This is not a private family drama—it is a mechanism that triggers an "invisible escalation of violence" on a global scale.
Below, we break down Miller's "12 Points," which step-by-step explain the logic behind the absurd cruelty of our world and provide a recipe for salvation.
Lost Paradise: Natural Needs vs. Parental Ego
It all begins with a basic conflict of interest. According to Miller's first point, every child enters this world with one goal—to grow, unfold, live, and freely express their needs and feelings. This is a biological necessity for self-protection and the formation of a healthy "Self."
For this process to occur, the child needs specific ground:
- Attention and Protection: Adults must take the child seriously.
- Love and Guidance: Love must be sincere, and help in navigating life must be honest.
However, tragedy strikes when adults, themselves traumatized in childhood, unconsciously use the child. If vital needs are not met, and instead the child is exploited to satisfy the parents' needs, beaten, punished, or manipulated, the child's integrity is violated forever.
"If... no one intervenes, the integrity of the child is violated forever".
Thus, the first crack in the foundation of the future adult is born.
The Repression: Where Does the Anger Go?
When a person is mistreated, anger and pain are natural reactions. This is a defense mechanism. But the child is in a unique trap: they are completely dependent on their abusers. Experiencing pain in isolation would be unbearable for them, and expressing anger in an unhealthy environment is forbidden.
Here, the survival mechanism kicks in, which Miller describes in points 4 and 5:
- Repression: The child is forced to suppress their feelings and repress memories of the trauma into the subconscious.
- Idealization of the Tormentor: To maintain the illusion of safety, the child idealizes their abusers (parents).
- Amnesia: In time, the child does not even know what was done to them.
But the psyche does not forgive debts. Feelings of helplessness, confusion, longing, and fear lose connection with their true causes but never disappear.
The Cost of Silence
These repressed emotions find a way to the surface, but in a distorted, destructive form. According to Miller, this leads to consequences both for the individual (drug addiction, mental illness, suicide) and for others (crime, genocide).
The Relay of Violence: Revenge on the Weak
Miller's sixth point is the most terrifying. It explains the mechanism of the reproduction of evil. The victims of revenge are very often one's own children, who serve the function of "scapegoats".
Why do parents hit their children? Not for the sake of discipline.
"Sad as it may sound, people beat their children in order not to feel the pain that their own parents inflicted on them".
Society legalizes this violence. Such behavior is still permitted by law and even praised under the euphemism of "upbringing". The circle closes: the former victim becomes the executioner to finally feel the power they were deprived of in childhood.
For a long time, this circle was maintained by "universal blindness." Theories existed that viewed the child as a cunning creature driven by evil impulses, attacking "innocent parents". Until now, society has protected adults by placing the blame on the victim.
The Witness: Who Can Stop the Disaster?
Is there a way out of this labyrinth? Alice Miller argues: yes. The fate of a traumatized child is not fatally predetermined.
For a child who has been treated cruelly not to become a criminal or mentally ill in the future, one key condition is required: they must meet at least one person in their life who will take their side.
This "Enlightened Witness" (relative, lawyer, judge, doctor) must do two things:
- Believe the child.
- Tell them unequivocally that the problem is not in the helpless child who was beaten, but in the fact that their environment is insane.
The presence or absence of societal interest can either help save a life or destroy it completely.
The Body Remembers Everything
Modern psychotherapeutic methods finally allow us to prove what was previously ignored: traumatic experiences are stored in the body. Even while remaining in the subconscious, they influence one's entire life. Research has shown that a child learns not only tenderness but also cruelty from the very beginning.
Future Without Fear: Portrait of a Free Human
What happens if we, as a society, acknowledge this logic? Thanks to this discovery, the hidden logic of any absurd behavior becomes clear. When traumatic experience steps out of the shadows, it loses its demonic power.
In point 12, Miller paints a portrait of a generation that can change the world. People who received protection, respect, and sincerity grow up to be completely different:
- Intelligent and Empathic: Their integrity has not been damaged, so they are sensitive to others.
- Safe: They will enjoy life and feel no need to harm themselves or anyone else.
- True Protectors: They will use their strength for protection, but never for attack.
Most importantly, they will never understand the logic of war or terror, because their ancestors had to fight to "feel good in this world," but they do not. Since such people will not have a subconscious task to defend themselves against "early threats" (ghosts of the past), they will be able to deal with real threats more rationally and creatively.
Conclusion
When we pay attention and start seeing the cruelty that children endure, it will automatically lead to violence ceasing to be passed down from generation to generation.
This is not a utopia. This is a pragmatic calculation. World peace begins with respect for its weakest representative—the child.
Your First Step Back to Yourself
Alice Miller emphasized that breaking the cycle of trauma requires a "witness"—someone who hears your pain and acknowledges your truth. Yet, sometimes the most crucial witness for ourselves must be us. Healing cannot happen in silence; it demands words and expression.
To support you in this dialogue with your own "inner child," we have created a special tool. MriyaRun Self-Therapy Diaries are designed to be a safe space where you can drop the masks, meet your true feelings, and reclaim your own story.
Start your journey to wholeness today: Choose your MriyaRun diary
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