Emotional Intelligence: How Not to Kill Everyone Around You and Understand Why You're Crying Over a Cat Food Commercial
They say emotions appear before thoughts. This explains why we send a "we're breaking up" text at 2 AM, and only think the next morning: "Oops, I was just hungry."
The ability not to turn into the Hulk when someone steps on your foot in the subway, and the skill to read that your partner's "I'm fine" actually means "Run for your life" — that is Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Let's figure out what this beast is, how to tame it, and why IQ without EQ is like a Ferrari without a steering wheel.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) MriyaRun
Emotional Intelligence: What Is It Really? (Or why just "being calm" isn't it)
Officially: Emotional Intelligence is the skill of recognizing your own emotions and managing them, as well as understanding the emotions of others and influencing them.
Unofficially: It's your internal diplomat that keeps you from throwing your laptop at the wall when Excel crashes. It's the difference between being a drama queen and realizing you're being dramatic and going to eat some chocolate instead.
Food for thought: Is EQ a synonym for hypocrisy? No. EQ isn't about a fake smile. It's about saying: "I am so angry right now that I could bite your head off, so let's talk in 10 minutes," instead of boiling in silence.
Why Do You Need It? (Besides avoiding jail time)
Being sad, screaming into a pillow, or laughing like a seagull is normal. We aren't robots. But if your emotions control you more often than you control them, that's a problem.
Here's what high EQ gives you in real life:
- You save on sedatives. You don't waste nerves on situations you can't change.
- Career growth. People with high EQ get promoted more often. Why? Because nobody wants to work with a genius who is an unbearable toxic person.
- Drama-free relationships. You start to understand that when your spouse yells about an unwashed cup, it's probably not about the cup, but because they need support (or sleep).
What happens if you ignore EQ?
A low level of emotional intelligence turns life into an obstacle course. You don't understand why people get offended by you, you think everyone around is an idiot, and any criticism is taken as a declaration of war.
5 Components of EQ by Goleman (Or "The Five Pillars of Your Sanity")
Daniel Goleman, the "godfather" of the EQ concept, identified 5 components. Let's translate them into human language:
- Self-awareness:Scientifically: Understanding your emotions.Real life: This is when you realize: "I'm yelling at the cashier not because he's slow, but because I haven't slept and I hate Mondays." It's your internal "Wikipedia" about yourself.
- Self-regulation:Scientifically: Controlling emotions.Real life: This is the pause between stimulus and response. It's the skill of not writing an angry comment on Facebook, even if someone on the internet is very wrong.
- Motivation:Scientifically: Internal drive.Real life: The ability to get off the couch and do something not for money or fame, but because you enjoy the process or the result. It's optimism that survives even under deadlines.
- Empathy:Scientifically: Understanding the feelings of others.Real life: This is the superpower to read the room. It doesn't necessarily mean crying along with someone, but understanding: "Aha, they are in pain right now, a bad joke would be inappropriate."
- Social Skills:Scientifically: Building relationships.Real life: This is the ability to be the "glue" in a group. Finding common ground with the CEO, the cleaner, and your own mother-in-law.
How to Determine Your EQ Level? (The Adequacy Test)
Everyone knows about IQ. High IQ helps you build a nuclear bomb. High EQ helps you understand why you shouldn't detonate it.
How to check yourself without complex tests? Honestly answer these questions:
- When something goes wrong, who is to blame? (If it's always "them" — we have bad news).
- Do people often tell you: "You're too sensitive" or "You're cold-hearted"? (Extremes are a marker of low EQ).
- Do you know how to listen without interrupting with the phrase "But when I..."?
Of course, you can take tests (Goleman or Hall), or go to a psychologist. The latter option is more reliable because an online test can't see you throwing your mouse at the screen when you don't like the results.
How to "Upgrade" Emotional Intelligence? (Instructions for Dummies)
Good news: EQ isn't eye color; it can be changed. Bad news: you'll have to work on yourself.
- Turn on the "Observer". When an emotion hits, imagine you are a National Geographic researcher observing a wild animal (yourself). "Hmm, the male is currently feeling rage. I wonder why?". Name the emotions with words: "I feel irritation." As soon as you name the demon, it loses half its power.
- The Pause is your best friend. There is a second of freedom between the event and your reaction. Stretch it out. Count to ten. Recall the multiplication table. Do whatever it takes to turn on the cerebral cortex and turn off the "reptile brain" that wants to bite.
- Learn to listen with your body. Emotions live in the body. Clenched jaw? Anger. Lump in the throat? Resentment. Butterflies in the stomach? Love or food poisoning (it's important to distinguish here).
- Consume art. Books, good movies, theater — this is a gym for empathy. You live other people's lives without risking your own.
BONUS: Checklist for Daily EQ Training
Developing emotional intelligence is not a one-time event, but a lifestyle. To make it easier (and more interesting) for you, the MriyaRun project has prepared simple tools.
Here are 5 steps you can take every day:
✅ 1. Morning Mood "Check-in"
Instead of scrolling through the news feed in the morning and getting horrified, ask yourself: "How am I today?". Record your state in the free Web Diary. This will help track what exactly ruins (or improves) your day.
✅ 2. "Minute of Magic" (When logic is powerless)
Hit a dead end and don't know what to do? Sometimes the subconscious knows better. Pull an online card of the day on the Web MAC Cards page. A metaphor often gives an answer faster than an hour of thinking.
✅ 3. Intellectual Diet
Instead of another cat video, read something that will help you understand people better. Check out the Publications section — there are many interesting things about psychology in simple language.
✅ 4. Materializing Thoughts
If you love the feeling of paper under your hand and want to work through your states deeper, choose a paper assistant in the MriyaRun Shop. Diaries and printed decks of cards work as an anchor, bringing you back to reality.
✅ 5. Find Your "Place of Power"
Make the MriyaRun Home Page your bookmark for quick access to calm and self-development.
Conclusion: Developing EQ is the path from "Why the hell is everything so bad?!" to "Okay, the situation is difficult, I feel anxiety, but here is what we are going to do about it." And with the right tools, this path becomes much more pleasant!
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