Self-sabotage is eliminated in two stages. First, you need to track your thoughts and understand why we interfere with yourself, and then, based on the results, choose a way to stop self-sabotage. We will consider these methods in the article.

Procrastination is often the cause of self-sabotage. In this case, download free anti-procrastination exercises from the link.

Thinking skills can sabotage us. Let's analyze it from the example of one such habit - perfectionism.

Let's imagine that Anya is preparing a presentation for her thesis. She gets down to the smallest details - changes the indents in the text, the shade of the background, pictures. Perfectionism sucks her in and steals time to finalize her thesis, and as a result, Anya receives a reduced score for deficiencies.

To prevent perfectionism from sabotaging us, we can pick up a strategy against it. For example, you can pay attention not to errors such as indents in the text, but to successes: "What did I do well in the presentation?" This will help you let go of the task and move on to the next one.

With practice, you'll start using these techniques automatically and stop sabotaging yourself. But in order to change the thoughts that sabotage us in this way, it is necessary to identify them. If this stage is difficult, try mindfulness meditation. We have a guide that will help you start meditating: When and how to practice meditation?

I will give an example when you can stop sabotaging yourself with one action.

Sometimes we overestimate our memory and think that we will not forget to go to the doctor during the week, buy milk, etc. I convinced myself that I would not forget my wallet with money. But relying only on memory, knowing about its imperfection, is self-sabotage.

What can I do? I can hedge - put a thousand rubles in the glove compartment of the car. Now, if I even forget to take my wallet, I can fill up the car and buy the things I need. So I will prevent self-sabotage in one action.

Think about what you can do one time to stop sabotaging yourself.

We are not attracted to work, if its fruits are not reaped soon. This applies to training in the gym, learning a language, etc. I want to get the result right away, and not get closer to it every week by 5%. However, it prevents you from starting to act at all.

To eliminate such self-sabotage, you will feel the benefits of small steps in practice. Imagine that you learn 5 words of the English language every day and do not put much effort into it. Knowledge accumulates every day and in a week you already know 35 words. Try to spend 5 minutes a day in the same way: you will feel a pleasant feeling of progress and love small steps.

We sabotage ourselves when we procrastinate – not preparing for exams, putting off an important call, etc. Anti-procrastination techniques help fight this. Let's consider three of them:

Read more about how to deal with procrastination in the article "Ignorance of these 4 things makes us procrastinate".

This concept came from addiction treatment1. Seemingly Innocent Intention: An ex-alcoholic wants to discuss a movie with a friend who drinks occasionally. He calls her, but in an hour he finishes with a glass of vodka while visiting.

"Innocent" intentions set us up because they bring us dangerously close to temptation. We want to eat less sweets, but we put candy in a prominent place. We think about leaving work on time, but we tackle the project half an hour before leaving.

If you notice such intentions, then you can not act on them: put sweet candies in the closet, and at work do not take on projects at the end of the working day.

It takes strength to change habits. But people sometimes exhaust their strength because they put pressure on themselves: "Until I learn discipline and work productively, I forbid myself entertainment." If this approach exhausts you, take care of yourself and enjoy yourself with something. Don't feel like you have to "earn" it. Fill resources with joy.

Another way to release energy is to ask yourself: What can I take for granted and not spend energy on it? For example, you can accept a slightly unbearable character trait of a man or a change at work. When you stop getting angry and worried about these things, you will have more strength to overcome self-sabotage.

The listed methods help to understand and stop self-sabotage. They help free up time and not harm yourself, and therefore be happier.

Delay may reflect an unclear task, fear of evaluation, value conflict, exhaustion, an oversized step, missing skill, or immediate relief from avoidance. “I am my own enemy” hides these differences.

It reduces tension quickly, so the brain learns it as effective. Later, deadlines and shame grow. The cycle becomes easier to change when avoidance's function is clear.

Do I not want this, not know how, lack resources, fear the consequence, or fail to see the first action? Each answer calls for a different response: revising the goal, learning, support, rest, a boundary, or a smaller step.

CBT SHIFT examines thoughts before avoidance, while the Emotions Journal EQ adds state and impulse.