Behavior Under the Influence of Emotions: Decoding Our Reactions
What plays the decisive role in managing behavior? What can be read on faces, and how does it define the quality of our lives? Paul Ekman, the world-renowned expert in the psychology of emotions, opens up the world of micro-expressions and emotional programs so that we can understand ourselves, read others, and communicate effectively.
Imagine your boss invites you to a meeting without an agenda. The secretary only hints that "it's very important." How do you react? Fear, anger, sadness, or excitement? Your reaction—what you say and do—will determine the outcome. Will you rely on your emotional control, or will you need a sedative?
It is difficult not to behave emotionally when the stakes are high. Emotions are our best guides, suggesting actions suitable for the situation. However, this isn't always the case. Sometimes we act on impulse and regret it later. Yet, turning off emotions completely would make us seem detached or cold.
The goal is to experience the fullness of emotions but express them constructively. Aristotle defined this long ago: emotions should be proportionate to the event, expressed at the right time, and in the right way, without causing harm.
Signals: Face and Voice
Our emotions are not strictly private. Most have specific signals telling others what we feel. Unlike thoughts, which are private, emotions are visible.
The emotional signal system is always "on." It’s an evolutionary trait: for the survival of the species, it was useful for others to know our state (e.g., a child crying for help).
- Facial Expressions: There are seven universal emotions with characteristic expressions: sadness, anger, surprise, fear, disgust, contempt, and enjoyment.
- Voice: This is another powerful signal system. When we are sad, our voice softens; when angry, it becomes harsher. The voice is harder to fake than a facial expression but easier to hide (by simply staying silent).
We must avoid the "Othello Error"—misinterpreting the source of an emotion. A person might look terrified not because they are lying (as Othello thought of Desdemona), but because they are afraid of not being believed.
What Happens Inside?
When an emotion is triggered, a cascade of changes occurs that we do not consciously choose:
- Signals: Changes in voice and face.
- Autonomic Nervous System: Sweating, heart rate changes (blood rushes to hands in anger, to legs in fear).
- Impulses to Action: Unconscious urges to move (e.g., recoiling in disgust).
- Refractory Period: We begin interpreting the world through the lens of the current emotion, ignoring facts that contradict it.
Emotional Response Programs
Ekman uses the metaphor of "emotional response programs." These are open systems: some instructions are evolutionary (fear of heights), while others are learned through our own experience.
We cannot overwrite innate programs, but we can modify learned habits. This is difficult because once an emotion is triggered by an automatic appraisal, it cannot be interrupted instantly—it has to run its course.
Mindfulness and the Emotion Diary
Can we manage this process? Yes, by developing a specific type of consciousness—mindfulness.
This is the ability to take a step back during an emotional episode and ask yourself: "Do I want to continue acting under the influence of this feeling?"
the Diary of Emotions | EQ (Emotional Intelligence
To develop this skill, Ekman advises analyzing your reactions retrospectively. The best tool for this is keeping a record. Regular analysis helps identify your personal "hot triggers."
For systematic self-improvement, the Diary of Emotions | EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is the ideal tool. It is structured to help you record not just the event, but your reaction, bodily sensations, and thoughts at the moment of the flare-up.
How does it work in practice?
- Post-event Analysis: When the refractory period has passed, you write down the situation. This helps you understand why you reacted that way.
- Anticipation: Knowing your triggers (e.g., "I get annoyed when interrupted"), you can prepare for difficult conversations in advance.
- In-the-moment Awareness: With practice using the Diary of Emotional Intelligence, you will learn to catch the emotion in the first seconds of its appearance, before you say words you might regret.
We cannot always control emotional behavior, especially when tired or when the emotion is too strong. But the key to success is self-knowledge. By analyzing our emotional episodes, we turn unconscious reactions into conscious choices, improving relationships with loved ones and colleagues.