From the Surface of the Mirror to the Psychic Depths
The original article, which served as the starting point for this analysis, uses a simple and vivid metaphor: betrayal is like looking into a mirror and finding an emptiness where one's reflection should be1.
This image accurately conveys the initial shock and sense of derealization, but it remains on the surface of the phenomenon, failing to explain the
structure of this emptiness2.
The linear progression proposed by the article—from shock to anger, and then, "if you're lucky," to forgiveness—is a psychologically simplistic model that does not account for the complexity and depth of the human psyche3.
This report aims to go beyond this superficial reflection and uncover the psychic architecture that causes the mirror of trust to shatter into fragments4.
Betrayal is not just an external event, but an internal psychic catastrophe, a collapse of the inner world5.
Its destructive power stems not so much from the act itself as from its resonance with our earliest, most fundamental experiences of dependency, trust, and loss6.
This report analyzes this phenomenon through the multiple prisms of psychoanalytic theory, extending the analysis from dyadic relationships to the complex systems of modern organizations and the enduring echoes of myth7.
The central thesis is that to understand betrayal, one must understand the unconscious contracts we make with other people and the institutions in which we exist8.
The Genesis of Trust and Vulnerability: The Foundations of Betrayal in Personality Development
This section lays a fundamental premise: our capacity to trust and our specific sensitivity to betrayal are not the result of conscious choice in adulthood but are forged in the crucible of our earliest relationships9.
The First Contract: Attachment and the Expectation of a Benevolent World
The original article correctly notes that a person is born helpless and must "believe the world" will keep them alive10.
Psychoanalysis, particularly the work of John Bowlby, formalizes this observation in attachment theory11.
This theory posits that humans have an evolutionarily conditioned, biological need for attachment to a primary significant figure (caregiver), which concerns not only the satisfaction of physical needs but also social interaction and survival in the face of danger12.
Bowlby believed that for a child, some relationships are more important than others (the concept of "monotropy") and that there is a critical period for developing attachment, up to about 2.5 years of age13.
Based on the "Strange Situation" experiment, Mary Ainsworth identified different attachment patterns that become internal working models for all future relationships14.
These early patterns shape, though do not definitively predetermine, an individual's expectations in subsequent relationships. There are four main types15:
- Secure Attachment. The child trusts the caregiver as a secure base16. They experience distress when the adult leaves and joy upon their return17.
- In adulthood, such a person can endure relationship ruptures without a catastrophic collapse, viewing "betrayal" as a problem to be solved rather than a final verdict on their own worthlessness18.
- Anxious-Ambivalent (or Anxious-Resistant) Attachment. The caregiver behaves inconsistently19. The child is constantly anxious about a possible abandonment and is greatly distressed when the adult leaves, but shows ambivalence upon their return20.
- An adult with this attachment style is hypervigilant for signs of betrayal, often interpreting neutral actions (a delayed response to a message, a distracted comment) as proof of an impending rupture21.
- Avoidant Attachment. The caregiver is rejecting or neglectful22. The child learns that seeking help is punishable and subsequently avoids intimacy, showing no preference for a parent over a stranger23.
- For such an adult, betrayal only confirms their deep-seated belief that intimacy is dangerous, leading to withdrawal and self-justification in the vein of "I knew it"24.
- Disorganized Attachment. The caregiver is simultaneously a source of both comfort and fear25.
- This is the most destructive pattern, leading to an inability to form a coherent strategy in relationships26.
- For an adult with this type of attachment, betrayal can trigger profound psychic disorganization and a collapse of the self27.Thus, the objective act of a partner or colleague is less significant than the subjective template through which it is perceived28.A manager's critical remark is not a uniform event. For an employee with a secure attachment, it is information for improving their work29.For an employee with an anxious attachment, it is the beginning of the end, a sign that they are about to be rejected30.For an employee with an avoidant attachment, it is a reason for emotional withdrawal and "mental resignation"31.Therefore, the "trauma" of betrayal lies not in the event itself, but in the activation of a pre-existing psychic vulnerability32.The original article's advice to "calm down" proves to be profoundly naive, as it ignores these ingrained, non-rational patterns of response33.
The Internal World of Objects: Splitting, Integration, and the "Good-Enough" Other
Object relations theory, pioneered by Melanie Klein, posits that our psyche is composed of "internal objects"—internalized images of people and situations from our past34.
Our relationships with the world are, in essence, relationships with these internal figures35.
Klein argued that development involves navigating between two fundamental psychic states, or "positions"36:
- The Paranoid-Schizoid Position. In early infancy (and also in adult states of high stress), the Ego is not yet integrated37.
- To defend against overwhelming anxiety, it uses the defense mechanism of splitting: an object (e.g., the mother) is split into an "ideally good" object (the gratifying maternal breast) and a "terribly bad" object (the frustrating, absent breast)38.
- Love is directed toward the good object, while all aggression and hatred are projected onto the bad one, leading to paranoid fears of persecution39.
- The Depressive Position. As the infant matures, they begin to realize that the "good" and "bad" mother are one and the same person40.
- This integration gives rise to a new anxiety—"depressive" anxiety, which is the fear that one's own aggression and hatred have damaged or destroyed the person one also loves41.
- This gives rise to guilt and a desire for reparation42.Donald Winnicott softened this stark picture by introducing the concept of the "good-enough mother." She is not perfect43;she inevitably fails the infant in small, manageable doses. These minor failures, or "micro-betrayals," are crucial44.They allow the child to gradually transition from a world of magical omnipotence to a world of reality, learning that others (and oneself) are imperfect but can still be trusted and loved45.The child develops the capacity to tolerate frustration without psychic collapse46.Psychological maturity, according to Klein's theory, involves moving from a split, black-and-white world to an integrated one, where we can hold both good and bad feelings toward a single, whole person47.Winnicott's work shows that this capacity is formed through experiencing and overcoming minor failures in care48.Consequently, a severe experience of betrayal in adulthood can trigger a massive regression to the paranoid-schizoid position49.The betraying person ceases to be a complex individual who committed a painful act; they are split and become an "all-bad" persecuting object50.The betrayed individual, in turn, may feel like an "all-good" innocent victim51.This explains the absolute, all-consuming nature of the pain described in the original article. It is not just disappointment52;it is a fundamental collapse of the integrated object, a psychic return to a primitive state of terror and persecution53.This perspective reframes the experience from a simple emotional reaction to a profound structural regression of the psyche54.
The Oedipus Complex: Love, Rivalry, and the Primal Scene of Exclusion
The Oedipus complex (or Electra complex in girls), described by Freud, is a developmental stage (around ages 3-6) in which the child navigates the first triangulated relationship55.
The child feels desire for the opposite-sex parent and perceives the same-sex parent as a rival56.
This is the child's first encounter with the painful reality of exclusion. They discover the existence of the parental couple, a relationship from which they are, by definition, excluded57.
This experience of being the "third party" in relation to the primary dyad is a fundamental "betrayal" of the childhood fantasy of exclusive possession58.
If this stage is not successfully navigated, the adult may be doomed to repeat this triangular dynamic59.
They may unconsciously seek unavailable partners, constantly find themselves in love triangles, or experience any form of exclusion in a group or at work with the same primal intensity as in the original Oedipal drama60.
The Oedipus complex lays the template for how we experience three-party relationship dynamics, especially those involving desire, rivalry, and exclusion61.
The workplace is rife with such triangles: a manager-subordinate-"favorite" dynamic; two colleagues competing for a promotion from the same boss62;
a company choosing one supplier over another. Many acute workplace conflicts that are framed as "betrayal" are, at their unconscious core, a repetition of the Oedipal drama63.
For instance, an employee who feels "betrayed" because their boss praised a colleague is not just reacting to the current event64.
They are re-experiencing the primal pain of a child seeing their father praise their mother (or vice-versa) and feeling excluded, devalued, and "betrayed" in their struggle for exclusive love and recognition65.
This explains why such events can provoke disproportionately strong emotional reactions that seem irrational from a purely business perspective66.
The Anatomy of the Wound: Unconscious Dynamics at the Moment of Betrayal
This section shifts from developmental origins to the psychic mechanisms at play in the most acute moment, explaining the disproportionate pain of betrayal67.
Ghosts in the Room: Transference and the Repetition of the Past
Transference is the unconscious process of displacing feelings, attitudes, and relationship patterns from significant figures of the past (usually parents) onto people in the present68.
The other person becomes a screen for our projections. While this phenomenon is central to psychoanalysis, it operates in all kinds of relationships69.
In business and personal life, a subordinate may see in their manager not a real person, but a critical father or a cold mother70.
A friend may be perceived as a rivalrous sibling. These transferences are powerful and automatic71. A boss's constructive criticism is heard in the thundering, judgmental voice of a father72.
A friend's success feels like yet another theft of attention by a sibling73.
Countertransference is the responsive, unconscious emotional reaction of the other person (manager, friend) to the transference74.
A manager might find themselves becoming unusually patronizing or, conversely, overly critical in response to an employee's dependent or rebellious transference75.
Transference means we rarely engage only with the person in front of us76;
we are also in a relationship with the ghosts of our past. Therefore, an act of betrayal by a current figure (boss, partner) is experienced as a
double betrayal77.
It is a betrayal by the person in the present
and a devastating repetition of a betrayal by the original figure from the past (e.g., a parent who was perceived as abandoning, critical, or unfair)78.
It is this "layering" of past and present traumatic experience that gives the event its explosive, world-shattering character79.
It's not just "my boss broke a promise"; it's "my father has abandoned me again"80.
This explains the feeling of "emptiness in the mirror" from the original article—it is a collapse of a psychic reality built on these unconscious, transferential foundations81.
The Shattered Self: Narcissistic Injury and the Rage of the Betrayed
Building on Freud's work, Heinz Kohut developed Self Psychology, which focuses on the development of a cohesive sense of self82.
He argued that we all have narcissistic needs: the need to be mirrored (to have our value confirmed), to idealize others (to have heroes), and to experience "twinship" (to belong)83.
The people in our lives who fulfill these needs are called "self-objects"84.
A "narcissistic injury" is a blow to our self-esteem or sense of self85.
When a trusted self-object—a person or institution on which our sense of value depends—betrays us, it is not merely an external disappointment86.
It is an attack on the very structure of our self. This elicits not just anger, but "narcissistic rage"87.
This rage is archaic, all-consuming, and seeks not just retribution but the complete annihilation of the source of the injury, because the threat feels existential88.
The original article mentions the loss of the "illusion of one's own exceptionalism" (the "rookie's illusion"). This is a pop-psychology description of narcissistic injury89.
The feeling of "this can't be happening to
me!" is the cry of a wounded narcissistic self that believed it was exempt from such ordinary suffering90.
The original article dismisses revenge as mundane and useless. From Kohut's perspective, however, the desire for revenge after a narcissistic injury is not just a petty emotion91.
It is a desperate, primitive attempt to restore a shattered sense of self. By destroying the offender, the betrayed person unconsciously seeks to undo the injury and restore their sense of power and cohesion92.
While this impulse is destructive, it represents a psychic attempt at self-repair93.
Understanding this changes the therapeutic task: instead of just telling a person "don't seek revenge," one must help them find more constructive ways to restore their shattered self-esteem, by working with the deep narcissistic wound, not just the surface emotion94.
From Grief to Self-Blame: The Psychoanalytic Distinction Between Mourning and Melancholia
In his seminal 1917 work "Mourning and Melancholia," Freud distinguished between two reactions to loss95.
- Mourning (Grief): This is a healthy process of grieving96. The world seems poor and empty because a loved object has been lost97.
- The mourner gradually withdraws their psychic energy (libido) from the lost object and, after a period of painful work, becomes free to invest it in new objects98.
- There is no drop in self-esteem during this process99.
- Melancholia: This is a pathological process100. Here, the lost object is not given up101.
- Instead, through a process of identification, the Ego itself becomes the lost object102.
- It is not the world that is empty, but the Ego itself that is empty and worthless103.
- The reproaches and anger that should be directed at the lost (betraying) object are turned upon the self104.
- This leads to crushing self-criticism, guilt, and depression105.Applied to betrayal, a healthy reaction is mourning: grieving the loss of the idealized person, the loss of trust, and the loss of a certain future106.A melancholic reaction is the internalization of the betrayal, leading to the conclusion: "I was betrayed because I am worthless/unlovable/a fool"107.Anger at the betrayer turns into self-hatred108.The original article suggests that depression follows anger, and then, perhaps, forgiveness. Freud's distinction provides the precise mechanism for this process109.The depression that follows betrayal is often a state of melancholia. The individual has failed to direct their legitimate anger outward, at the person who harmed them110.Perhaps due to past experiences, guilt, or dependency, this anger was deemed unacceptable111.Therefore, the Ego "offers itself up" as a substitute target. This explains the article's observation that the betrayed person "wallows in their own guilt"112.This is not a choice, but the result of a powerful unconscious mechanism: aggression turned inward113.The therapeutic task is not to cheer the person up, but to help them redirect the anger to its true, external object, thereby transforming melancholia back into the painful but ultimately liberating work of mourning114.Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Key Dynamics of Betrayal
- Classical Psychoanalysis (Freud): The key concept defining the experience is the repetition of the Oedipal conflict and the loss of a love object115.
- The primary affects in betrayal are castration anxiety, guilt, and grief116.
- In business, this can manifest as a reaction to a boss's favoritism, perceived as a repetition of sibling rivalry for parental love117.
- Object Relations Theory (Klein): Here, the keys are persecutory anxiety and the collapse of the "good object" into a "bad object"118.
- The primary affects are paranoid fear and depressive anxiety about one's own destructiveness119.
- In an organizational context, this can be expressed as an inability to tolerate a mentor's flaws, leading to their complete devaluation and accusations of hypocrisy120.
- Self Psychology (Kohut): The experience is defined by narcissistic injury and the failure of a "self-object"121.
- The primary affects are archaic, disorganizing rage, as well as deep shame and emptiness122.
- An example in business would be the explosive reaction of an employee who was passed over for a promotion they felt fully entitled to123.
- Attachment Theory (Bowlby): The experience is based on the activation of insecure attachment patterns and a threat to the attachment bond124.
- The primary affects are primal separation anxiety and fear of abandonment. In a work environment, this might manifest in the panic of an anxiously attached employee due to a lack of immediate feedback from a manager125.
- Interpersonal Theory (J. Freyd): The key concepts are the violation of dependency and the conflict between attachment and self-preservation126.
- The primary affects are "betrayal blindness," dissociation, and cognitive dissonance127.
- In an organization, this might look like an employee ignoring clear signs of corporate malfeasance to preserve their job and sense of belonging128.
The Mind of the 'Betrayer': Unconscious Motives, Compulsions, and Collusions
This section shifts the focus to the perpetrator of the betrayal, aiming for a psychoanalytic understanding that goes beyond simple moral condemnation129.
Beyond Malice: Narcissistic Needs, Perverse Structures, and Lack of Empathy
Individuals with pronounced narcissistic traits are driven by an insatiable need for admiration and a grandiose sense of self-importance, which masks a fragile and unstable self-esteem130.
They lack genuine empathy and view others not as separate individuals with their own needs, but as "self-objects" or tools for regulating their own self-worth131.
A key narcissistic pattern is the cycle of idealization and devaluation. A new partner or colleague is idealized as perfect, an ideal mirror for the narcissist's own grandiosity132.
But when this person inevitably shows a flaw or fails to provide perfect admiration, they are ruthlessly devalued and discarded133.
This devaluation
is the betrayal134.
For the narcissist, betrayal (e.g., infidelity, breaking promises, financial exploitation) is not necessarily the product of malicious intent, but rather a consequence of their psychic structure135.
It is a tool of control, a display of power, and a way to secure narcissistic supply (attention, admiration) from multiple sources136.
Since they lack empathy, the pain they cause another person is simply not part of their psychic reality137.
Thus, in a relationship with a narcissistic individual, betrayal is not an unfortunate
risk, but a structural inevitability138.
The moment the other person ceases to be a perfect self-object, they will be devalued139.
The form this devaluation takes—infidelity, public humiliation, financial ruin—is secondary to the deep psychic necessity of the act for the narcissist140.
This shifts the focus from "Why did he betray me?" to "What is the psychic structure that makes such behavior predictable?"141.
"Acting Out": Betrayal as a Compulsive Repetition of Trauma
"Acting out" (or agieren) is a defense mechanism first described by Freud. It is the opposite of remembering142.
Instead of recalling a painful or traumatic past event, the person
repeats it in the present, often without any awareness of the connection143.
It is a way of discharging the tension associated with a repressed memory144.
A key dynamic in acting out is role reversal. The person unconsciously puts themselves in a situation that mirrors a past trauma, but this time they are in the active, rather than passive, role145.
This provides a symbolic, albeit illusory, sense of mastery over the original trauma146.
A person who was passively betrayed in childhood (e.g., by an abandoning parent) may become a betrayer in adulthood147.
By actively leaving a partner, they are not just being cruel; they are unconsciously recreating the original trauma148.
In this repetition, they are the one with the power, the one who leaves, not the helpless child who was left behind149.
This can also manifest as provoking betrayal from others to replay the familiar role of the victim150.
The concept of "acting out" suggests that current destructive behavior can be an unconscious repetition of past traumas151.
This mechanism often involves a role reversal from passive to active to gain symbolic control152.
Consequently, an act of betrayal may not be an expression of present-day malice, but a tragic attempt to cope with a past wound153.
A person who cheats on a faithful partner may be unconsciously "acting out" the trauma of being cheated on by a parent, this time identifying with the powerful aggressor rather than the powerless victim154.
This does not excuse the behavior, but it provides a deeper and more tragic understanding of its unconscious roots, moving beyond a simple good-versus-evil dichotomy155.
The Unconscious Handshake: Provocation, Masochism, and Secret Collusion
This is an extremely delicate and controversial psychoanalytic idea. It suggests that in some relational dynamics, there is an "unconscious collusion" or "pact" in which both parties unconsciously agree to play out a certain script156.
Some individuals, due to early life experiences, develop a "moral masochism"—an unconscious need for punishment or suffering157.
They may unconsciously provoke rejection or betrayal from others to satisfy this need for punishment or to confirm a core belief that they are unlovable158.
Their behavior subtly goads the other into becoming the punishing aggressor159.
Anna Freud described the defense mechanism of "identification with the aggressor," in which a person faced with an external threat internalizes the aggressor's traits to transform fear into a feeling of power160.
In a relational context, a person who was once a victim may identify with the aggressor role, but they may also unconsciously seek partners who will be aggressive toward them, which represents a familiar and perversely "safe" dynamic161.
The concepts of unconscious collusion and masochistic provocation suggest that relationship dynamics are not always one-sided162.
An individual's deeply ingrained belief that "I will be abandoned anyway" may lead them to unconsciously select partners prone to leaving and to behave in ways that subtly push them to do so163.
The final betrayal, therefore, is not merely an act committed by one person against another164;
it is the tragic fulfillment of a shared, unconscious script. It is the "click" when two corresponding unconscious patterns lock into place165.
This is the most difficult idea to accept, as it challenges the simple victim/aggressor narrative166.
However, it is crucial for breaking repetitive cycles of betrayal, as it forces the individual to examine their own contribution to the dynamic, which the original article hints at by asking "what did you do to be betrayed?" but without the necessary theoretical depth167.
The Expanded Battlefield: Betrayal in Organizations and Groups
This section applies the psychoanalytic lens directly to the world of business, as requested by the user168.
The Broken Promise: Violation of the Psychological Contract
The "psychological contract" is the unwritten, implicit set of expectations and obligations between an employee and an organization169.
It covers aspects such as job security, opportunities for growth, fair treatment, and managerial support170.
It is based on trust171.
When an organization violates this contract—by conducting layoffs after promising stability, passing an employee over for a promotion, or fostering a toxic culture—it is not just a business decision172.
It is perceived by the employee as a profound betrayal. Such a violation leads to a loss of trust, decreased loyalty, emotional disengagement, and burnout173.
The traditional psychological contract was based on the principle of "loyalty in exchange for security"174.
The modern economy, with its emphasis on flexibility, restructuring, and precarious employment, has rendered this contract obsolete175.
Today, organizations implicitly (and sometimes explicitly) demand high levels of engagement, creativity, and emotional labor from employees while offering few long-term guarantees in return176.
This creates a structural imbalance where the organization is almost guaranteed to violate an employee's perceived psychological contract at some point177.
Thus, the modern corporate environment is a breeding ground for experiences of betrayal178.
The phenomena of the "Great Resignation" and "Quiet Quitting" can be seen not just as economic trends, but as mass psychological responses to repeated, systemic institutional betrayal179.
The Leader as Parent: Transference, Power, and Betrayal in Senior Management
Manfred Kets de Vries, a psychoanalyst and management scholar, applies a "clinical paradigm" to organizations180.
He argues that (1) what you see is not necessarily reality, (2) all behavior has its logic, no matter how irrational it seems, and (3) we are all products of our past181.
From this perspective, organizations are emotional arenas. Employees unconsciously transfer parental roles onto their leaders182.
The CEO becomes the powerful, distant father; the direct supervisor becomes the nurturing or critical mother183.
Consequently, organizational events become imbued with the emotional weight of family dynamics. A reorganization is not just a strategic move184;
it's the parents rearranging the family without consulting the children. A layoff is not a cost-cutting measure; it's an act of abandonment185.
A negative performance review is not feedback; it's the withdrawal of parental love186.
The work of Kets de Vries shows that unconscious, transferential dynamics are not an anomaly in organizations, but the norm187.
Leaders inevitably find themselves in parental roles. This means that purely "rational" management is a fantasy188.
Every decision a leader makes is filtered through the unconscious family templates of their employees189.
A leader who tries to manage based solely on logic and data, ignoring the powerful emotional undercurrents, will be perceived as cold, indifferent, and ultimately, as a betrayer190.
Effective leadership, from this viewpoint, requires a high degree of emotional intelligence and an understanding of these unconscious group processes, a far cry from the simple "problem-solving" approach suggested in the original article191.
The Irrational Group: Scapegoating and Unconscious Dynamics in Teams
The psychoanalyst Wilfred Bion observed that every group operates on two levels simultaneously: the "work group" (focused on the rational task) and the "basic assumption group" (driven by unconscious, emotional forces)192.
When a group experiences anxiety or threat, it regresses to one of three basic assumptions193:
- Dependency: The group acts helpless and looks to the leader for all the answers, as if they were infants dependent on a parent194.
- Fight-Flight: The group unites against a common enemy (a rival team, a difficult project, a designated scapegoat) or flees from the task (procrastination, endless meetings)195.
- Pairing: The group pins its hopes on two members who, it fantasizes, will produce a messianic leader or idea to save them, allowing the rest of the group to abdicate responsibility196.These regressive states are fertile ground for betrayal. In a "fight-flight" state, a team member can be suddenly designated a "scapegoat" and cast out as an "internal enemy"197.In a "dependency" state, a leader who fails to be omnipotent is perceived as a betrayer who has profoundly failed expectations198.These are powerful, irrational, and collective emotional processes199.Bion's theory suggests that a group's irrational behavior is a defense mechanism against the anxiety of tackling a difficult task200.Creating a scapegoat or attacking a leader are ways for the group to project its own feelings of incompetence, fear, and frustration outward201.Therefore, the "betrayal" of a team member is often unrelated to their actual performance. It is a collective psychic maneuver to manage unbearable group anxiety202.The individual is sacrificed for the temporary, illusory cohesion of the group. This explains the sudden, vicious, and seemingly inexplicable turn of office politics against one person, and why the target often feels bewildered and deeply betrayed by people they considered allies203.
Institutional Courage and Betrayal Blindness: When We Depend on Those Who Harm Us
Psychologist Jennifer Freyd developed "Betrayal Trauma Theory" to explain the specific type of trauma that occurs when the person or institution upon whom an individual's survival depends is also the source of harm204.
In such situations, it can be adaptive to be "blind" to the betrayal205.
A child dependent on an abusive parent cannot afford to be fully aware of the betrayal, as this would threaten the attachment bond necessary for survival206.
This "betrayal blindness" is a form of dissociation or forgetting that allows the dependent relationship to continue207.
This theory applies powerfully to institutions like companies, churches, or the military208.
An employee who witnesses unethical behavior or harassment by a high-ranking boss may become "blind" to it, because acknowledging the betrayal would threaten their job, career, and financial security—their very survival in that context209.
Freyd's theory explains why individuals and groups can ignore obvious wrongdoing. It is a survival mechanism210.
A whistleblower is someone who refuses to be "blind." They break the unspoken code of silence211.
In doing so, they threaten not only the perpetrators but also the "betrayal blindness" of all the other witnesses who depend on the institution212.
The vicious retaliation often aimed at whistleblowers is not just about protecting the institution213.
It is the collective rage of a group whose protective denial has been shattered. The whistleblower is attacked so fiercely because they force everyone else to see the betrayal they have been working so hard to ignore214.
They are punished for making the unbearable visible215.
Archetypal Echoes: Transgenerational and Mythical Dimensions of Betrayal
This section elevates the discussion to a new level, connecting individual acts of betrayal to larger, inherited patterns and foundational cultural narratives216.
The Crypt and the Phantom: How Ancestral Traumas Haunt the Present
Psychoanalysts Nicolas Abraham and Maria Torok proposed that traumas, losses, and shameful secrets that are not properly mourned or spoken of in one generation do not disappear217.
They are "entombed" in a "crypt" within the family's unconscious218.
This encrypted, unspeakable secret is then transmitted to the next generation not as a memory, but as a "phantom"219.
The descendant experiences strange symptoms, inexplicable feelings, or compulsive urges to repeat life scripts that belong not to them, but to an ancestor's unmourned trauma220.
This is the mechanism of transgenerational transmission221.
The theory of the phantom suggests that we can be haunted by traumas we never personally experienced222.
A person might find themselves in a repeating pattern of being betrayed by partners who all share a certain characteristic223.
This pattern may seem inexplicable until it is understood as a transgenerational repetition224.
For example, a person may be unconsciously playing out the story of their grandparent who was abandoned for a certain "type" of person225.
The feeling of betrayal in the present is amplified by the ghostly echo of the ancestral trauma. Healing in this context requires not only dealing with the current partner but also "exorcising" the family phantom by bringing the hidden story to light and mourning the original, ancestral loss226.
The Enduring Myths: Medea, Judas, and the Archetype of Great Betrayal
The myth of Medea, who kills her own children after being betrayed by Jason, is often seen as the ultimate expression of vengeful rage227.
A psychoanalytic reading sees this not as simple evil, but as a reaction to a catastrophic narcissistic injury228.
Jason's betrayal shatters her world and her sense of self, which was built around him229.
Her horrific act of infanticide is a desperate, perverse attempt to reclaim a sense of agency and to inflict a wound on Jason as deep as the one inflicted on her, by attacking what is most precious to him because what was most precious to her was destroyed230.
The archetype of Judas is the ultimate symbol of betrayal in Western culture. Psychoanalytic interpretations move beyond simple greed to explore more complex motives231.
Was his act the result of disillusionment with an ideal that failed to manifest in worldly power? 232
Was it a desperate attempt to force Christ's hand, to make him perform a miracle and prove his divinity? 233
Or, as some literary interpretations suggest, was it the act of a man who felt abandoned by his beloved leader and committed the ultimate crime to provoke a reaction, any reaction, to break a deafening silence?234.
Myths like those of Medea and Judas endure because they give narrative form to the most extreme and terrifying aspects of the human psyche235.
The story of Medea explores the terrifying link between absolute love and absolute destructiveness, and the psychic devastation of narcissistic collapse236.
The story of Judas explores the complex interplay of love, hate, idealization, and disillusionment237.
When we experience a profound betrayal, we feel that something "mythical" has occurred238.
This is because the event has activated these deep, archetypal structures in our own unconscious239.
A psychoanalytic understanding of these myths provides a framework for containing and making sense of emotions (like annihilating rage or complex ambivalence) that feel too large and destructive for our personal story240.
It connects our private pain to the universal human drama241.
The Path of "Working Through" (Durcharbeiten): Towards Authentic Recovery
This concluding section contrasts the simplistic advice of the original article with the more difficult but profound psychoanalytic path to healing242.
The Labor of Healing: From Compulsive Repetition to Remembering and Reconstruction
Freud realized that making the unconscious conscious through a single interpretation is not enough. The patient will resist243.
"Working through" (
Durcharbeiten) is the long and difficult process of repeatedly confronting, reinterpreting, and overcoming these resistances as they appear in various forms244.
It is the work of transforming the "acting out" of trauma into conscious, verbal memory245.
The goal of healing is not to erase the trauma, which is impossible, but to integrate it into the individual's life story in a new way246.
The trauma no longer drives the person from the shadows; it becomes a known part of their history, and its power to compel repetition is diminished247.
The original article offers advice like "calm down," "see the situation from their side," and "realize your part in this"248.
The concept of Durcharbeiten shows why this is ineffective. The trauma of betrayal involves powerful unconscious forces and deeply entrenched resistances249.
The psyche
resists calming down because the rage serves a defensive function250.
It
resists seeing the other side because that would mean abandoning the defensive (paranoid-schizoid) position251.
It resists simple insight. Authentic healing is not an act of will or cognitive reframing252.
It is a laborious psychic process, an emotional struggle that must be waged over time253.
The article's advice is like telling someone with a compound fracture to "just walk it off"254.
The Therapeutic Relationship as a Corrective Emotional Experience
The foundation of any effective therapy is the therapeutic relationship, or "alliance." For a person whose capacity to trust has been shattered by betrayal, the experience of a safe, reliable, consistent, and non-judgmental relationship with a therapist is in itself therapeutic255.
Within this safe frame, the patient can risk vulnerability again256.
They can express their rage, their shame, their grief, and instead of being abandoned, punished, or betrayed again, they are met with empathy and understanding257.
This provides a "corrective emotional experience"—a new kind of relationship that directly contradicts the traumatic learning of the past258.
It slowly rebuilds internal attachment models and restores the capacity for basic trust259.
Betrayal is a relational trauma; it wounds our ability to connect with others260.
Therefore, healing must also be relational. The "corrective emotional experience" is not about getting advice, but about experiencing a different
kind of relationship261.
The therapist, by reliably holding the frame, not retaliating against the patient's angry transferences, and weathering their projections, provides a living model of a trustworthy "other"262.
This is how the fundamental damage to the capacity to trust—which the original article identifies as the core loss—is repaired: not through insight alone, but through a new, lived experience of a relationship that does not betray263.
Conclusion: Forgiveness as the Cessation of Hostility, Not Absolution
The original article presents forgiveness as a desirable, almost mandatory step. Psychoanalysis offers a more nuanced view264.
Forgiveness is not a moral imperative or an act of forgetting. It does not mean condoning the act265.
True forgiveness, from this perspective, is an internal psychic marker that the work of mourning is complete266.
It is the moment when the betrayed individual has fully withdrawn their psychic energy from the betrayer and the traumatic event267.
They are no longer bound to the other by hatred, resentment, or the desire for revenge268.
The ultimate goal is not to "forgive the other," but to "free oneself." Forgiveness is a by-product of this liberation269.
It is the moment when the individual can think about the betrayal without being consumed by overwhelming affect270.
It means the trauma has been integrated, and the person is now free to invest their emotional energy in the present and the future271.
This is, as the article hints, the final liberation from the emotional prison of the past272.