The Fairy Tale "The Snow Queen": Anatomy of Codependency and Emotional Abuse
(Psychological Analysis within the Transactional Analysis Paradigm)
The fairy tale "The Snow Queen" is not just a children's story about friendship. When viewed through the lens of relationship psychology, a classic script of abuse and codependency unfolds before us.
Part 1. Psychological Portrait of the Plot
The Beginning: Idealization and the Appearance of a "Rival"
The story begins with an idyll: Kai and Gerda, named brother and sister, share common interests (flowers, books). But with the arrival of winter, Gerda asks a "dangerous" question about the Snow Queen. This is a metaphor for the appearance of a rival or another interest.
Kai assures her, "I will drive her away," but in reality, he is already captivated. The Queen beckons him, and although he does not make contact immediately, the "splinters of the mirror" (influence, gain, interest) have already entered his heart and eyes.
How does a man fall in love? Often through visual images: manners, image. If this hooks him, feelings are engaged later.
The Dynamics of Abuse
Kai's behavior changes abruptly — this is true abuse and emotional violence. He intentionally inflicts pain on the one who loves him:
- Devaluation: He breaks Gerda's favorite roses, calls her books "for babies" (the abuser's goal is to make the victim feel stupid).
- Aggression towards the environment: He picks on his grandmother's words, mocks the neighbors. He instills fear to control the space.
- Victim's reaction: Gerda, like a typical wife of a tyrant, justifies him, looking for reasons in herself or circumstances.
Escape and Indifference
Kai is satisfied with his new state — worshiping the cold (narcissistic isolation). He abandons Gerda ("I'm skating with others, I won't take you") and eventually leaves with the Queen. She kisses him, and he forgets about his loved ones.
For Kai, this is a choice of comfort and brilliance. He is not suffering.
The Victim's Path: The Price of "Rescue"
Everyone has accepted Kai's disappearance except Gerda. She enters the Rescuer script. Instead of seeking help (adults, police), she decides to risk her own life for someone who voluntarily left her.
Stages of Sacrifice:
- Dialogue with the River: Gerda gives away her most valuable possession — red shoes. She believes that love is payment and sacrifice. (Modern analogy: women sacrifice career, comfort, and stability for a partner).
- The Sorceress's Garden: The sorceress tries to protect Gerda by creating a "safe haven" and removing triggers (roses). But Gerda rejects peace for the mission of suffering.
- The Little Robber Girl: Even the robber child questions Kai's value but helps, moved by Gerda's fanatical devotion.
- The Finn Woman: The wise woman notes that Gerda's strength lies not in magic, but in her service/devotion. She sends the girl to the castle with almost no clothes because in this script, suffering must be maximized.
The Finale: The Great Illusion
Kai is not suffering in the Queen's castle — he is arranging the word "Eternity," wanting to receive "the whole world and a pair of new skates." When Gerda appears, he is not happy to see her.
Only Gerda's tears (emotional shock) melt his heart.
Dangerous Myth: "If I endure enough, love enough, and cry enough, he will change and appreciate me."
Kai "wakes up" because his interest in the Queen has faded (or she left him), and Gerda has become a convenient harbor again. He doesn't even thank her for her heroism — he takes it for granted.
The story ends with the Little Robber Girl's genius question: "I’d like to know if you are worth running to the ends of the world for?"
Part 2. Script Analysis using Fanita English's Method
Below is a structural analysis of the fairy tale using Transactional Analysis (TA) tools.
1. Who is the main character in your fairy tale?
The focus is shifted to Gerda. She is the prototype of a codependent personality, "a woman who loves too much."
Kai acts as the object of fixation, the source of suffering, and the narcissistic partner.
2. What is the main event?
It is a sacrificial journey to save someone who did not ask for help and who is doing well without the Rescuer. This is a process of total self-sacrifice: giving away resources (shoes), time, and risking life for a partner who has emotionally and physically distanced himself.
3. Is the story, the plot completed, and how?
Formally — yes, with a happy ending (reunion). Psychologically — the ending is open and alarming. Kai learned no lesson and gave no thanks. The script is cyclical: the robber girl's phrase highlights the doubt regarding the value of such a union. There is a high risk of the story repeating itself.
4. What adjectives and verbs describe the main character? (Drivers)
- Gerda: "gives," "risks," "cries," "endures," "saves," "justifies."
- Drivers: Clearly expressed drivers are "Please Others" (sacrificing self for another) and "Try Hard" (choosing the hardest path instead of a rational solution).
5. How does the environment affect the main character?
The environment falls into three types:
- Those who exploit the sacrifice (The River).
- Those who try to protect or stop her (The Sorceress, The Finn Woman).
- Those who ask sober questions (The Little Robber Girl). Gerda ignores warnings and protection, continuing her destructive path.
6. Interaction of the fairy tale parts
The plot is built on contrast: Cold/Indifference (Kai) vs. Heat/Hyperactivity (Gerda). Each stage of the journey is an escalation of payment for an illusion.
7. Main Insight (If this were my script)
This is a diagnosis of codependency. Key realizations:
- I am in a codependent relationship.
- My "love" is actually sacrifice and masochism.
- I ignore reality (the partner is fine without me) for the sake of my fantasy about my own significance as a Rescuer.
- I choose those who devalue me.
8. Parental Injunctions
- For Gerda: "Don't be important" (your needs are nothing), "Don't be yourself" (be convenient), "Suffer" (love must be earned through pain).
- For Kai: "Don't be close," "Don't feel."
9. Feelings: Racket or Authentic?
- Racket Feelings (Gerda): Heroic sacrifice, self-pity, exaltation from suffering. She substitutes these for authentic anger at Kai's betrayal.
- Authentic Feelings: Break through rarely — tears at the end (as a release of pain) and anger/doubt (voiced by the Robber Girl).
10. Interaction and Transactions (Karpman Drama Triangle)
This is a classic run around the Drama Triangle:
- Gerda: Starts as Victim (abandoned), moves to Rescuer (chasing Kai), and in the end risks becoming Victim again (heroism unappreciated).
- Kai: Persecutor (abuser), who switches to a feigned Victim of circumstances to gain resources, but remains emotionally cold.
- Consequence: Kai gets everything without effort. Gerda gets confirmation of the script "I must suffer to be loved."
Rewrite Your Script: From Sacrifice to Self-Worth
Gerda's story teaches us that self-sacrifice does not guarantee love, and a lack of boundaries often leads to emotional burnout. If you recognized yourself or your relationships while reading this analysis, remember: you have the power to rewrite this plot. You don't need to run to the ends of the earth to find yourself — you just need to look within.
MriyaRun is designed for exactly this kind of deep self-work. We have created tools to help you reconnect with yourself, establish healthy boundaries, and exit destructive scripts.
Start by protecting yourself:
Learn to say "no" and embrace your own value with our practical workbook. Diary of the Mistress of Her Boundaries
Diary of the Mistress of Her Boundaries
Listen to your subconscious:
Explore your hidden motives and scripts safely and organically through imagery work. Collection of Metaphorical Associative Cards (MAC)
Your toolkit for psychological resilience:
Choose the tool that you need right now. Full Catalog of MriyaRun Psychological Tools