Navigating child development from 18 months to 3 years. How to handle tantrums, boundaries, and anger. Parenting insights & tools from MriyaRun.
From Rebellion to Personality: Surviving the "Terrible Twos" and Teaching a Child to Think
The period from 18 months to 3 years is often referred to by parents as the "terrible twos." It is a time of endless "Nos," tantrums in supermarkets, and power struggles. However, in developmental psychology (specifically within the Pamela Levin model used in Transactional Analysis), this phase has a grander name — The Thinking Stage.
This is when the foundation of the future adult is laid: the ability to test reality, understand cause and effect, and, most importantly, sense one's own boundaries.
Let’s explore what is actually happening to the child and how this connects to our adult lives and self-development tools.
The Big Task of a Little Human
Until 18 months, the child lived in symbiosis with their mother. Now, their main goal is psychological birth. They must separate and understand: "I am me, and you are you. And we are different."
Key developmental tasks at this stage:
- Separation without loss of love. The child tests the scariest hypothesis: "If I am separate, inconvenient, and say 'no,' will I still be loved?"
- Development of thinking. Moving from a magical perception of the world to a logical (cause-and-effect) one.
- Reality testing. Encountering the physical limitations of the world and the boundaries of other people.
Typical behavior that often annoys parents (saying "I won't," greediness with toys, playing near other children but not with them) is not being bratty. It is necessary training for the sense of "Self."
A Parent’s Guide: How to Be a Pillar of Support
Your role now is to be a stable container for the child's emotions and a guide into the world of logic.
What to do (Helpful Behavior):
- Celebrate the ability to think. Be happy when the child has their own opinion, even if it differs from yours.
- Explain "Why" and "How." Don't just forbid; provide information. Instead of "Don't touch!" say: "The stove is hot, it will hurt" — this develops thinking.
- Remain stable. During tantrums (which will happen because the brain is immature), do not give in, but do not abuse your power. Be a calm wall they can lean on.
- Set boundaries. Clear rules give the child a sense of safety.
- Offer choices. This satisfies the child's need for control.
What to avoid (Harmful Behavior):
- Getting drawn into power struggles (who will break whom).
- Expecting the child to be "convenient" and obedient (this kills initiative).
- Shaming for expressions of anger or ignoring the child as punishment.
- Expecting the child to share toys (at this age, an object is perceived as part of themselves).
Anger and Aggression: Transforming Energy
One of the toughest challenges of this age is aggression. The child feels the power of their anger for the first time and doesn't know what to do with it. Instead of punishing, we must teach the child constructive ways of expression.
1. If the child clenches fists and tenses up with anger
Instead of forbidding anger, suggest a physical resistance game. For example, the "Palm to Palm" exercise: you and the child push your hands against each other. This allows them to feel their muscles, their boundaries, and safely release tension in contact with another person.
2. If the child wants to hit or push
Introduce a rule: "People cannot be hit." Instead, offer an alternative: hit a pillow, tear up old newspapers, punch a ball. Aggression is energy; it needs an outlet.
3. If the child acts out of spite or shuts down
Teach verbalization. Help them with words: "You are angry right now because I didn't give you the candy." This teaches the child that feelings can be spoken about, and one doesn't necessarily have to act on them.
An Adult Perspective: Why Is This Important Now?
Many adult problems — the inability to say "no," blurred personal boundaries, fear of conflict, or guilt over one's own desires — originate precisely from this stage (1.5–3 years). If we weren't allowed to safely defend our opinions back then, we continue to seek this permission in adult life.
That is why at MriyaRun, we pay so much attention to the topic of boundaries and emotional intelligence. Our tools — metaphorical cards, journals, and workbooks — are designed to help adults "re-live" and process these crucial stages.
Working on self-development through MriyaRun tools allows you to:
- Restore contact with your true needs.
- Learn to defend your boundaries ecologically (what we teach children at this stage).
- Become more resilient and conscious parents who do not crumble under children's tantrums but are able to contain them.
- MriyaRun | Psych Journals, Workbooks & MAC Cards
- For Professionals: Tools & Resources
- Terrible Twos: Surviving the Thinking Stage