A deep dive into power plays, gaslighting, and implicit control. How "Dark EQ" erodes identity and how "Mistress of Her Boundaries" and "Steps of Gratitude" help you reclaim your life.
The Anatomy of Power in Relationships: From Dark Emotional Intelligence to Freedom with MriyaRun
We live in an era where physical displays of power are becoming socially unacceptable, but that doesn't mean control has disappeared. It has evolved. Mechanisms of dominance have become sophisticated, transforming into a "quiet architecture" of influence.
In this article, we analyze the four types of power, the phenomenon of "Dark Emotional Intelligence," and ways to reclaim yourself using the MriyaRun methodology and books by Dmytro Telushko.
The Power Matrix: How Are We Controlled?
Power in relationships is not an abstraction but a tangible force that shapes daily reality. Researchers identify four quadrants of control, ranging from explicit violence to subtle psychological games.
1. Explicit Terror and "Environmental Violence"
This is the most obvious zone. Beyond direct physical impact, this includes "door slamming" or striking furniture. This is a signal: "I can do this to you," which activates the victim's fight-or-flight response at a biochemical level.
2. Verbal Aggression and Silence
Here, the weapon is the voice or its absence. A sinister tone and constant interrupting establish a hierarchy: "I speak, you listen". But the most damaging is the Silent Treatment. It attacks the need for belonging and causes suffering identical to physical pain.
3. "Soft Power": The Trap of Care
The most insidious level. These are gestures masked as intimacy: patting on the head (infantilization) or leading by the hand (physical steering). This is a violation of proxemics—your personal space—forcing the body into a posture of submission.
4. Intellectual Violence: Gaslighting and Perspecticide
Here, the aggressor uses false logic: "If you loved me, you would give me your password". This leads to perspecticide—the complete erasure of the victim's viewpoint, where they become an extension of the aggressor's will.
Dark Emotional Intelligence: Empathy as a Weapon
We are used to thinking of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) as a virtue. However, there is a "Dark EQ" used by narcissists and manipulators.
- Scanning: They sense your fears better than you do.
- Weaponized Incompetence: They pretend they "might mess it up" to shift responsibility onto you.
The Path to Healing: Restoring Agency with MriyaRun
The consequence of these games is boundary erosion—damage to your "psychological skin". The victim loses the ability to distinguish their own thoughts from imposed ones. To exit this state, specific tools are needed.
Step 1: Rebuilding Boundaries
The first step is "Naming the Game," translating the implicit into the explicit. But to name the game, you need the strength to say "No."
This is exactly what Dmytro Telushko's book Mistress of Her Boundaries is designed for.
- The book acts as a training ground for restoring that "psychological skin" destroyed in Quadrants III and IV.
- It teaches you to counteract infantilization and "special treatment", returning your right to autonomy.
Step 2: Reclaiming the Self
After gaslighting and perspecticide, a person feels empty. The aggressor often uses "bad moods" to keep the victim walking on eggshells.
The antidote is the Steps of Gratitude Diary.
- Gratitude is not just politeness. It is a method of focusing on your life, not the aggressor's mood.
- The diary helps fight "learned helplessness" by recording small victories and restoring value to your own thoughts, which were devalued by sarcasm or ignoring.
- Mriya.run: Space for Conscious Change. Learning, Practice & Tools
- Tools & Resources
- Recognizing Manipulation and Rebuilding Boundaries: Power Psychology & MriyaRun