Публікації

Escaping the Drama Triangle: 5 Phrases to Set Healthy Boundaries

alt
Dmytro Telushko
The author of the MriyaRun project, graphic designer, master's degree in marketing, entrepreneur, psychologist, philanthropist, founder of origami.ua, co-founder of zorrov.com and volunteer
Always rescuing others or feeling like a victim? Learn how to spot psychological games, avoid the "Secret Checklist" trap, and set boundaries without guilt. Insights from Dmytro Telushko's book.

How to Escape the Drama Triangle 

Author: Dmytro Telushko Based on the book: Mistress of Her Boundaries
Have you ever felt suddenly exhausted, irritated, or guilty after a seemingly normal work conversation? On a social level, everything looked polite, but internally, something felt off. Most likely, you became a participant in a psychological game and fell into the Karpman Drama Triangle.
This is a trap where we unconsciously play the roles of Victim (complains and avoids responsibility), Rescuer (helps without being asked to validate themselves), or Persecutor (criticizes and blames).

Anatomy of the Game: Hidden Transactions

Games don't start with words, but with subtext. Imagine a manager saying, "I give you full freedom on this project." But when you deliver the result, they start criticizing every step because you didn't do it the way they thought, but didn't voice.
This is the "Secret Checklist" trap. You were supposedly delegated the result, but you are judged by a hidden process. This kills motivation and destroys trust. To avoid becoming a Victim in such a situation, you need to activate your "Adult" ego state: ask clarifying questions about success criteria before starting the work.

5 Phrases to Set Boundaries Without Offense

Escaping the triangle means having the ability to say "no" to the game while remaining in an Adult position. Here are 5 universal templates from the book to help protect yourself:
  1. Validation + Refusal:“I appreciate you thinking of me, but with my current workload, I can't take this on”.This lowers the other person's defenses but clearly marks the limit.
  2. “I appreciate you thinking of me, but with my current workload, I can't take this on”.
  3. This lowers the other person's defenses but clearly marks the limit.
  4. Buying Time:“I need some time to think about this. I'll get back to you with an answer”.Perfect for high-pressure situations. You shift from reactive agreement to a conscious decision.
  5. “I need some time to think about this. I'll get back to you with an answer”.
  6. Perfect for high-pressure situations. You shift from reactive agreement to a conscious decision.
  7. Need as a Wish:“I would like our meetings to last no more than 30 minutes to maintain focus”.This is an invitation to cooperate, not a conflict.
  8. “I would like our meetings to last no more than 30 minutes to maintain focus”.
  9. This is an invitation to cooperate, not a conflict.
  10. Appeal to Discomfort:“I am uncomfortable discussing my finances / gossiping about colleagues”.One cannot argue with feelings. This is a firm boundary.
  11. “I am uncomfortable discussing my finances / gossiping about colleagues”.
  12. One cannot argue with feelings. This is a firm boundary.
  13. A Direct "No":“No, I can't do that tonight”.The simplest and most honest boundary.
  14. “No, I can't do that tonight”.
  15. The simplest and most honest boundary.

Boundaries Are About Growth

Remember: changing boundaries is not inconsistency; it is a sign of growth. What worked for you at the start of your career might be an obstacle now that you have a family. A growing plant needs a bigger pot. Allow yourself to evolve.
Read more:
How to better prepare yourself? What diet to choose? How to motivate yourself? Want to learn more?
Subscribe to our Telegram: @mriya.run
About Mriya.run

Mriya.run is a motivational media platform for conscious living. We have developed unique tools for self-discovery: a free online journal and an interactive online version of Metaphorical Associative Cards (MAC). In addition to digital services, we create our own original products — the "Steps of Gratitude" workbook series and unique MAC decks, such as "My Myth: The Hero's Journey". All of this is complemented by our expert blog on self-esteem, boundaries, and mental health.

Contact Us: +380 67 581 60 90
Сайт разработан: Студия дизайна «ОRIGAMI» на базе собственной CMS «YoFuture» для эффективного масштабирования бизнеса.
© МріяRun., 2022 р. All rights reserved.