The Importance of Emotional Understanding and Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and resolve conflict. Understanding the structure of emotions, particularly primary (authentic) and secondary (racket/toxic) feelings, is crucial for developing EQ. It allows us to recognize the genuine needs that underpin our feelings.
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Envy: Two Faces and Hidden Needs
Envy is a powerful and complex feeling, traditionally classified as negative, even a deadly sin. However, as Giacomo Casanova noted, “Compassion is a gift, but envy must be earned.” Envy is evidence that someone has achieved what you desire.
Envy as a Manifestation of Anger and an Emerging Need
Envy is often viewed as a manifestation of anger triggered by an unmet need, rather than a violation of personal boundaries. It acts as a marker pointing to what you lack. The possible internal scripts underlying envy can be represented as:
- I- You-: "I will be okay if you have nothing, just like me." (Destructive anger, a desire to level down)
- I + You -: "I will take what you have, because I can." (Aggressive anger, an attempt to satisfy a need at someone else's expense)
- I- You+: "You have what I need, and it is killing me." (Depressive anger, self-destruction through comparison)
- I+ You+: (Healthy Strategy) "I see my need and strive to fulfill it in the way I require, and this does not bother me that you have it; it only inspires me." (Motivation, "White Envy")
Envy: Authentic and Racket Emotion
- Authentic Envy (Motivational): Functions as a key to understanding one's own needs. It prompts action, transforming into "white" envy, which can become a stairway to success. It is typically treated by moving through frustration and sadness about the absence of the desired object, leading to acceptance and planning.
- Toxic Racket Envy: "Black" envy, which is acute malevolence and the desire for the other person's misfortune. This is non-constructive anger that leads to a waste of psychic energy and self-sabotage.
Envy as a Stairway to Success
Psychology Professor Leo Montade differentiates between "black" and "white" envy, where the latter can become a stimulus for competition. To turn envy into success, a system is required:
- Recognition: Acknowledge: "I am envious."
- Analysis: Honestly determine what exactly you are envious of (job, income, admiration).
- Price Assessment: Find out the price (hard work, long hours) the other person paid.
- Planning and Action: Define a concrete goal and deadline. Monthly savings? English courses? Skill improvement?
- Rely on Your Strengths: Constantly praise yourself and build self-confidence.
Envy is not merely a negative feeling; it is an indicator of our desires and unrealized potential. Conscious management of this feeling is a vital part of emotion management and EQ development.