The Foundation of Healthy Relationships: Why Love Becomes a Battlefield Without Equality and Honesty
We often hear that relationships require work. But usually, this is imagined as a romantic candlelit dinner or a joint vacation. In reality, according to the psychology of emotional literacy, the real work is a strict agreement to adhere to two principles: Equality and Honesty.
If one of these pillars crumbles, the whole structure begins to wobble, and no amount of candles will help.
Equality: Not About Who Earns More
Many confuse equality with sameness. "If I washed the dishes today, you wash them tomorrow" is an agreement about a schedule, not about emotional equality.
True equality in relationships is based on the idea that partners make an equal emotional contribution.
What it looks like in real life:
Imagine a couple, Alex and Marina. Alex earns more, so he believes he has the sole right to decide where they go on vacation. Marina stays silent because "he pays."
This is inequality. This is a power game.
In emotionally literate relationships, financial disparity does not give one power over the other. Both partners make equal efforts to ensure the other is satisfied.
MriyaRun Rule: Equality means neither side tries to manipulate the other. You ask gently; you do not demand.
Diary of the Owner of Her Borders
Honesty: The Most Important (and Scariest) Agreement
At the altar, we promise to be together for richer or poorer, but we often forget the vow to be totally honest.
By the time a relationship gets serious, most couples already have "skeletons in the closet." And we’re not talking about movie-style betrayals, but "little white lies" that corrode trust like rust.
Example of a "safe" lie:
Andrew bought an expensive gadget and told his wife it was a "huge discount" or a "gift from work" to avoid an argument.
Elena has been faking pleasure in bed for years to "not hurt his male ego."
These might seem like trifles. However, often the very act of concealment hurts more than the deed itself. If the truth eventually comes to light, the partner is left feeling deceived. It’s hard to forgive overspending, but it’s even harder to forgive years of lying about finances.
The Illusion of "Better Left Unsaid"
We often think: "I'd rather not know the bitter truth." But this is self-deception. Unspoken grievances and secrets create a wall of coldness. To break down this wall, you need the courage to look inside yourself. This is where emotional intelligence comes in handy.
Time for Self-Reflection (MriyaRun Checklist)
Before demanding honesty from your partner, ask yourself. Be honest, at least in your own head:
- On Rights: Do I feel that I have the same right to rest, hobbies, and my own money as my partner?
- On Requests: When I want something, do I ask for it directly ("I would like...") or do I manipulate ("You never guess...")?
- On Secrets: Do I have secrets (about money, sex, the past) that would shock my partner if revealed? Why am I keeping them?
- On "Rescuing": Am I trying to "save" my partner from their responsibilities, only to get angry at their passivity later?
Understanding your true motives is the first step. Often we lie to our partner because we are lying to ourselves. The MriyaRun project helps untangle this ball of emotions.
Conclusion: Make a New Deal
It takes two to tango. It takes two for happiness as well.
Try suggesting a new agreement to your partner tonight instead of watching another TV show:
- We don't play "who is in charge" games.
- We don't lie, even for the "greater good."
- We ask for what we want, and we have the right to refuse if we don't want it.
Sound scary? Yes. But it is the only path to a relationship where you don't have to pretend.
And if you're too scared to talk to your partner yet...
...start talking to the smartest person in the room — yourself.
Seriously, sometimes it's better to write out all your dissatisfaction, fears, and secret desires on paper than to dump it on your loved one's head during breakfast.
To learn how to distinguish your emotions (and not confuse hunger with the desire to divorce), try our course on Emotional Intelligence: Understand your emotions here
Diary of Emotions | EQ (Emotional Intelligence)
And for those who want to have the most honest dialogue in the world (without fear of judgment), we created the perfect space — The "Conversation with Myself" Diary. It will listen to everything, won't roll its eyes, and will help you find Zen. Get your paper psychologist
Remember: relationships start with you! ❤️