Why do we choose conflict over love? The role of EQ in the stroke economy. Review of MriyaRun tools: Emotions Diary and Gratitude Diary for developing mindfulness.
Stroke Economy & EQ: How to Stop "Buying" Love at the Cost of Stress
Author: Dmytro Telushko
Toolkit: MriyaRun (Gratitude Diary, Emotions Diary)
We often think we check our phones out of boredom or lash out at loved ones due to fatigue. But from the perspective of Transactional Analysis (TA), there is something more behind this—biological hunger and an inability to recognize the "taste" of emotions. Eric Berne stated: our psyche demands sensory nourishment ("strokes"), and if we don't know how to get it healthily, we switch to surrogates.
The Hunger We Don't Realize
At the core of our behavior lies "stimulus hunger." Studies have shown that isolation is more terrifying to the brain than physical pain. Hence the rule: "Any stroke is better than no stroke at all."
We often provoke conflicts or settle for toxic relationships simply because our "emotional skin" craves touch. But do we know how to distinguish a "nutritious" stroke from a poisonous one? This is where Emotional Intelligence (EQ) comes into play.
EQ as a Filter: Authentic vs. Racket Feelings
TA has a concept of "Racket feelings." This is when we substitute a real emotion (e.g., Fear) with one that was permitted in childhood (e.g., Anger).
- Situation: You are scared to ask for support (Authentic emotion: Fear/Sadness).
- Reaction: You yell at your partner for dirty dishes (Racket emotion: Anger).
- Result: You got a dose of negative strokes, but the hunger remains.
Developed EQ allows you to stop this game. It acts as customs control, checking every transaction: "Is this sincere attention or manipulation?", "Am I truly angry right now, or just lonely?".
Tools for Change from MriyaRun
Exiting survival mode requires two steps: learning to see your emotions and accumulating resources.
Step 1. Recognition: Emotions Diary | EQ
To break old scripts, you need to go back to basics. The Emotional Intelligence Diary is a 4-week intensive.
- Structure: 4 chapters dedicated to basic emotions—Joy, Sadness, Anger, and Fear.
- Goal: Learn to distinguish shades of feelings. When you understand what you truly feel, you stop "buying" cheap strokes through arguments or doomscrolling.
- Effect: You start managing reactions instead of being held hostage by them.
Step 2. Replenishment: "Steps of Gratitude" Diary
Once the filter is set, it's time to fill the bank. The Gratitude Diary helps capture "gold strokes"—moments of success, beauty, and warmth. This creates a safety margin that allows you to stay in the Adult state even under stress.
Conclusion
Your ability to be happy depends on the quality of your emotional "diet." Stop consuming the fast food of resentment and anxiety. Start a gourmet journey to your true self.
A Comprehensive Approach to Self-Care:
- Understand your feelings: Emotions Diary EQ
- Fill up on resources: Gratitude Diary
- Mriya.run: Space for Conscious Change. Learning, Practice & Tools
- Tools & Resources
- Emotional Intelligence & Transactional Analysis: How MriyaRun Diaries Change Life
