Anger: How to Understand and Live Through It

Hello. I want to be as honest as possible with you from the very beginning. I have written a book about personal boundaries, and very soon you will be introduced to this work on anger, which is deeply important to me.

But do I have a "magical immunity" from these issues? Does an aura of calm glow around me, repelling life's crises? Not at all. I fall into the same situations as most people. We live in a world where people will play power games with us, impose their projections, and violate our boundaries. The only difference is that now I understand the anatomy of these processes and have a choice in how to live through them.

The knowledge I share in this book is not just theory. It is what literally saved me from burnout and depression quite recently, when I faced a harsh violation of my boundaries within a professional community.

Every person's childhood is full of disappointments, and that is natural. But the true cause of neuroses, depression, and addictions is not the pain itself, but the categorical prohibition of its expression.

Unlike adults, children are often forced to hide their emotions so as not to upset their parents. A tragic example is the poet Sylvia Plath: her tragedy lay in the fact that from childhood she had to project the image of a "happy girl" to her mother, hiding her own pain, which eventually led to catastrophic consequences.

A child’s psyche is flexible, but the body’s memory cannot be deceived. Repressed pain doesn’t go away—it gets preserved and eventually finds a way out through psychosomatics or destructive behavior. When a child faces cruelty ("black pedagogy") but has no right to be angry, they suppress the pain and identify with the aggressor. This accumulated anger transforms in adulthood into a destructive force projected onto those who are weaker.

In researching this, I identified several key reasons:

Understanding these mechanisms became my lifeline. Before releasing the book, I created a cover mockup where, out of gratitude, I placed the names and photos of my trainers. I sent them the mockup, expecting joy.

Instead, I violated their boundaries. Rather than joy, I received a reproach. I immediately admitted the mistake and agreed to remove everything. It seemed the incident was over. However, the next morning a real storm began: accusations, the severance of professional relations without an attempt to hear my side, and a message: "You don’t exist. Don’t be." I was excluded from all programs by a decision made without my involvement.

The system worked exactly according to the laws I described: instead of "I’m OK – You’re OK" communication, I was met with unprocessed aggression.

If this had happened before, I would have fallen into repetition compulsion. My inner critic would have said: "It’s your fault. Just endure it." I would have spiraled into depression and never released this book.

But this time, I chose a different path. I remembered that pain only becomes poison when we forbid ourselves from being angry.

I allowed myself to feel anger. I used it as fuel to protect my boundaries. I didn’t stay silent. I turned to the Ethics Committee—not for revenge, but to protect my "inner child." I processed my emotions in therapy, leaned on colleagues for support, and gave my pain a voice.

It worked. Within a few days, I found a new group, finished my project, and felt completely restored. The energy that could have destroyed me was channeled into creation.

We cannot live in a world without violated boundaries. But we can break the cycle of violence if we learn to acknowledge our truth and give our anger the right to exist.

I invite you on this journey—to a world of emotions where anger becomes not your enemy, but your strength.

Order the book and start your journey toward healthy boundaries here: About Emotions. Anger: How to Understand and Live Through It