What is the psychology behind anger? Learn to manage rage and use it to protect personal boundaries. Insights by Dmytro Telushko. Get the Emotional Intelligence Diary at MriyaRun.
Anger is Fuel: How to Turn a Destructive Emotion into a Tool for Success
Author: Dmytro Telushko
Anger is perhaps the most stigmatized emotion in our society. From childhood, we are taught: "don't be angry," "anger is bad," "good people don't shout." But is anger truly absolute evil? Or is it a powerful signal we simply don't know how to decode?
In the context of emotional intelligence, anger is viewed not as a character flaw, but as a basic, evolutionarily necessary reaction. It is an indicator screaming that something is wrong.
1. The Evolutionary Nature of Anger: Why Do We Need It?
Charles Darwin, in his studies of emotions, classified anger as a fundamental survival state. In nature, anger serves two critical functions:
- Energy Mobilization. Anger triggers the release of adrenaline and norepinephrine. The heartbeat accelerates, muscles tense up. The body prepares for a "fight or flight" response.
- Protection of Boundaries. An animal bares its teeth when someone encroaches on its territory, food, or offspring. In humans, the mechanism is the same: anger arises when our physical or psychological boundaries are violated.
2. The Anatomy of Anger: What Hides Behind Aggression?
In psychology, anger is often called a "secondary emotion" or the "lid of the kettle." It rarely comes alone. Usually, anger protects us from experiencing more vulnerable states:
- Pain.
- Fear.
- Shame.
- Disappointment.
When we develop our Emotional Intelligence (EQ), we begin to see not just an outburst of rage, but the need behind it. “I'm not angry because you didn't wash the dishes, but because I feel undervalued and exhausted.”
3. Anger and Personal Boundaries
The most common cause of chronic irritation is the systematic violation of boundaries that we ignore.
- You say "yes" when you want to say "no."
- You allow yourself to be criticized unfairly.
- You take on responsibility that isn't yours.
In these cases, anger is a healthy reaction of your psyche trying to reclaim your sovereignty. Suppressing this anger leads to auto-aggression and psychosomatic disorders.
4. How to Process Anger Ecologically?
Emotional literacy doesn't mean you stop getting angry. It means anger stops controlling you.
Here is an algorithm for working with anger:
- Validation. Say to yourself: "I am angry right now, and that is okay."
- Pause. Use the "STOP" rule. Do not act at the peak of the emotion.
- Analysis. Ask yourself: Where were my boundaries crossed? What need of mine is unmet?
- Action. Use the energy of anger not for shouting, but for constructive change—asserting your position or changing the situation.
Your Tool for Working with Emotions
Navigating the whirlwind of your own feelings can be difficult without a map. That is why I, Dmytro Telushko, developed a special tool — the "Emotional Intelligence" Diary.
This is not just a notebook; it is a step-by-step system that will help you:
- Track anger triggers.
- Understand the hidden motives of your reactions.
- Develop skills to manage your emotional state.
? Order the "Emotional Intelligence" Diary here: https://mriya.run/offer-emotions
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