Meta Description: A comprehensive guide to first impressions. The 70/30 rule, body language secrets, and a deep dive into the 4 types of Power Games. How to avoid manipulation and build authentic trust. Tools from MriyaRun.
The Anatomy of Influence: How to Win the First 10 Seconds Without Power Games
We live in a world of snap judgments. Every day, we encounter dozens of people. You might have a brilliant idea or a heart of gold, but if you fail the first 10 seconds of communication, none of that matters.
As a psychologist, I often see people trying to "hack" charisma. They read books on body language, learn how to shake hands firmly, but... it often fails. Why? Because they confuse Influence with Control.
In this extensive guide, we will explore not only how to be likable but, crucially, how to avoid turning communication into a toxic "Power Game."
Part 1. The Psychology of First Impressions: The 70/30 Rule
Bernard Shaw once said, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." Science backs this up. Studies show that roughly 70% of communication is non-verbal.
- 55% — Body Language: Movement, posture, gait, facial expressions.
- 38% — Para-verbal: Tone of voice, timbre, intonation.
- 7% — Words: The actual meaning of what you say.
Your body speaks before you open your mouth. The other person's brain scans you like a QR code: "Is he dangerous? Is she confident? Are they lying?"
Three Tools for Instant Rapport
1. The "Flooding" Smile (The Authenticity Technique)
Many coaches say: "Smile immediately!" This is often a mistake. An instant, frozen smile can trigger a suspicion of insincerity.
The Right Way:
When you meet someone, look at their face for a second. Pause. Let the recognition sink in. Only then let a warm, responsive smile flood over your face and into your eyes. This signals: "I am smiling not out of habit, but because I am happy to see YOU."
2. The Geometry of the Gaze
Your eyes control the intimacy level.
- The Business Gaze: Focus on a triangle on the forehead (between eyebrows and slightly up). This keeps the atmosphere professional.
- The Social Gaze: The triangle between the eyes and the mouth. This is for friendship.
- The Intimate Gaze: Dropping below the chin. In a professional setting, this is a violation!
3. Royal Posture (The "String" Exercise)
Insecurity lives in the shoulders. When we are scared, we hunch.
The Exercise: Imagine a string attached to the crown of your head, pulling you up to the sky. Your shoulders are heavy and relaxed, pulling down, while your spine lengthens up. Practice this for 5 minutes a day. People unconsciously recognize this silhouette as that of a leader.
Part 2. The Thin Line: Power Games and Control
Here is where it gets deep. When people acquire tools of influence, there is a temptation to use them for dominance.
In psychology, specifically in Transactional Analysis, we talk about "Power Games." A Power Game is a communication dynamic where one person tries to force another to do something against their will—either overtly or covertly.
Review this classification to ensure your "confidence" isn't actually "abuse."
I. Overt Gross Physical Games
This isn't just criminal violence. It includes everyday aggression:
- Slamming doors: A way to control the environment through fear.
- Pushing or shoving: Even "playfully."
- Deprivation of will: Physically blocking someone.
II. Overt Gross Psychological Games
Open aggression without physical contact:
- Insults and threats.
- Interrupting: Signaling "My voice matters more."
- Bad Mood: Using a sour mood to hold a room hostage. Everyone walks on eggshells around the "angry" person.
- Ignoring: Overtly refusing to acknowledge someone's presence.
III. Covert Physical Games (The "Fake Leader" Trap)
This is where many fail. They think invading space is "alpha" behavior. In reality, it is a boundary violation:
- Unwanted Touch: Patting someone on the back, touching their arm without established rapport.
- Invading Personal Space: Standing too close (The "Close Talker").
- Patting on the Head: A parent-to-child gesture that is demeaning to adults.
- Guiding by Hand: Physically steering someone as if they cannot walk themselves.
IV. Covert Psychological Games
Subtle manipulations:
- Sarcasm: Aggression wrapped in a joke.
- "Special Treatment": Manipulating via flattery to create debt.
- Skepticism: Using a doubting look to make the other person feel insecure and try harder to please you.
Part 3. The Systemic Approach: Authenticity over Games
Understanding the power of control is vital. If you use non-verbal skills to dominate (staring people down, using sarcasm, invading space), you are playing a Power Game. You might win the moment, but you will lose the relationship.
True confidence is the state of "I'm OK, You're OK."
Building Healthy Confidence with MriyaRun
To avoid playing games, you need a strong internal foundation. Through my project MriyaRun, I provide tools that replace the need for external control with internal stability:
- "My Boundaries" Workbooks: Learn to recognize when someone is using Covert Games against you (like sarcasm or unwanted touch) and how to stop it firmly but politely.
- Emotion and Reflection Diaries: We often resort to manipulation (like slamming doors) because we lack the vocabulary to express anger or frustration. Journaling helps process these impulses into constructive communication.
Conclusion
Making a great impression in 10 seconds is a skill. Building a relationship based on respect, not control, is mastery. Start with your posture and smile, but keep the map of Power Games in mind so you never cross that red line.
- Mriya.run: Space for Conscious Change. Learning, Practice & Tools
- Tools & Resources
- The Anatomy of Influence: Winning the First 10 Seconds Without Power Games