Steps of Gratitude: Embracing the Past for Inner Freedom

After the exhibition, Natalia packs almost all the ceramics she brought to sell back into a box. She spent weeks working in the evenings, paid to take part and hoped at least to cover her costs. Now, in the empty hall, she can hear chairs being moved. A friend helps carry boxes while Natalia has already labelled everything a failure: the event, her work and the decision to try at all.

A few days later, she may return to that evening and notice more detail. How many people came, what they asked, which costs she overlooked and who stayed to help. The disappointment may remain. A gratitude practice leaves room for the support Natalia received without requiring her to feel thankful for the failure itself.

This is one way to approach accepting the past through Dmytro Telushko’s Steps of Gratitude workbook. The event has happened. In the present, you can still clarify its consequences, care for yourself and choose what to do next.

Before searching for a lesson, Natalia can describe the result without passing judgement on herself: “I sold few pieces and did not cover my costs.” That is more precise than “I’m incapable of anything.” Then she can distinguish her decisions from the circumstances: preparation, prices, presentation, visitor numbers and the organisers’ advertising.

Perhaps next time she will ask for audience information before paying to participate or bring fewer pieces. Perhaps she will stop attending exhibitions for now and try another way to sell. Making a mistake does not oblige you to keep repeating the same attempt. A useful conclusion may involve changing a plan or declining unfavourable conditions.

If your decision harmed someone, an entry also needs room for responsibility. What can you explain, repair, return or do differently? Kind words to yourself cannot replace those actions. At the same time, a specific action offers more possibilities than repeatedly saying, “There’s always something wrong with me.”

Returning to an old home, Marta remembers her grandmother teaching her to mend clothes, alongside conversations in which disagreeing with adults was forbidden. Her family history contains care and restrictions. An honest account does not require her to choose only one of those parts.

The image of roots helps you ask what was passed on: language, habits, a craft, ways of helping or expectations of yourself. Some things you may want to keep; others you may reconsider. Caring for possessions can remain valuable even if the rule of staying silent about hurt no longer fits your life.

Where relationships were difficult or dangerous, gratitude does not need to be assigned in advance. You can acknowledge your origins, grieve what was missing and limit contact. In this reflection, “ancestral strength” can serve as a personal image for resources and history, rather than a promise of confidence after accepting every action your parents took.

Some people eventually find new abilities or clearer priorities in difficult experiences. In another episode, the most important thing may be restoring sleep, dealing with expenses, seeking help or living through a loss. You do not have to turn every pain into an achievement to have permission to continue your life.

Instead of “ten per cent on the problem, ninety on the solution,” try two concrete questions: “What needs my attention now?” and “Which action is available with my current energy and circumstances?” It might be a phone call, a revised deadline or an evening free of tasks. The time needed for reflection and action can vary.

For Natalia, thanking the friend who stayed to help does not make the exhibition successful. It returns an important detail to her account: she was not alone on a difficult evening. Later, she can acknowledge that help directly or offer something in return without turning their relationship into an accounting system for debts.

Your attitude towards a mistake may gradually soften as you acknowledge its consequences and do what you can to repair them. Self-forgiveness does not require pretending nothing happened. You can regret an action and stop reducing your entire worth to it.

Forgiving someone else is a separate issue. The American Psychological Association distinguishes forgiveness from reconciliation and excusing harm. Even if your attitude towards someone who hurt you changes, restoring contact and trust requires a separate decision. It does not follow automatically from a diary entry.

You may not want to forgive yet, or you may choose another way to address the consequences of what happened. Safety, support, boundaries and the responsibility of the person who caused harm remain important. Gratitude practice should not become another accusation: “I’m still angry, so I must be doing this work incorrectly.”

Choose a thought that keeps returning after an event. Natalia might write, “I ruined everything.” Beside it, add what the phrase leaves out: she prepared pieces, attended, spent money and received a result that disappointed her. Not all those facts imply blame, and not all require correction.

A more precise reply might be: “This time, sales did not cover expenses. I’ll check the conditions for participating and decide which format to try next.” It may not immediately feel reassuring. But the phrase now contains an event, something to check and a next decision instead of an overall condemnation of herself.

Finish with something that genuinely supported you: a friend’s help, your own perseverance or the chance to pause. If nothing comes to mind, that space can stay blank. The question is there to encourage a more attentive account, rather than require a positive answer.

The large Steps of Gratitude workbook brings together three parts: gratitude, acceptance through gratitude and self-esteem through gratitude. The current description of the softcover edition lists 204 pages of questions, written exercises and space for personal notes. Check the selected edition, language and contents before ordering.

A separate Acceptance Through Gratitude workbook offers a format focused on this theme. You can use the entry above as your own short practice alongside the material: one episode, its consequences, an inner phrase, support and an available step. There is no need to begin with the most painful event of your life.

If you wish, choose your own rhythm: one question in the morning and a few lines about what happened in the evening. For brief everyday observations, you can also explore the basic Gratitude Diary. More important than an unbroken daily streak is whether writing helps you see your experience more accurately. If it becomes too difficult, you can stop and return with support.