Gratitude Practice and the VODA Reflection Exercise

This article is for self-reflection. If writing intensifies anxiety or distressing memories, pause and discuss your experience with a qualified professional.

At the end of a day, it can be easy to remember ten unfinished tasks and overlook a conversation that made things a little easier. Gratitude writing invites you to stay with that episode: who was there, what helped, and why it mattered. A good episode can share the page with something that upset you.

In Steps of Gratitude, Dmytro Telushko uses gratitude as a reason to look more closely at everyday experience. Below is a way to make a short journal entry, followed by the VODA reflection sequence for moments when gratitude does not come easily and difficult feelings need attention.

After rehearsal, Taras stayed to put away chairs in the empty hall. He was disappointed with himself: he had forgotten a line, lost his place and spent the evening remembering the director’s expression. Olena, already wearing her jacket, came back and picked up another chair. A few minutes later they had finished together. At home, Taras wrote, “Someone helped without asking me to explain why I was so quiet today.” The disappointing rehearsal still belonged to that day too.

In Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough’s study, participants recorded things they appreciated, hassles, or other events. The researchers compared self-reported well-being; the most consistent differences concerned positive affect. The research concerned writing tasks and participants’ well-being rather than a particular journal.

You can assess writing closer to your own experience: does it help you notice support, describe it accurately, or tell someone what mattered? If an entry becomes a demand to feel happy, change the question or take a break.

The original study is also available through the University of Miami record. It did not test VODA, guarantee identical results for everyone or establish that difficult events should be reinterpreted as gifts. Here, VODA is a framework for asking successive questions about personal experience.

Instead of “I am grateful for my friends,” you might write: “A friend called after a difficult meeting and listened without interrupting. I felt less alone.” The entry includes an event, someone’s contribution, and your response. You can share that appreciation with your friend if you want to; writing it down does not create an obligation.

One episode is enough to start. Ask what happened, what you value about it, and how it affected you. A cup of tea in a quiet room or a timely rest can remain a small detail. You do not have to justify why it counts.

Over time, the notes may reveal distinctions that were not obvious at first. You value a chance to finish speaking more than advice offered immediately; you appreciate help that leaves you free to decline. Being specific can make your needs clearer and help you explain to people close to you what actually feels supportive.

After loss, humiliation, or exhaustion, being asked to find something positive may feel misplaced. You do not need to thank anyone for abuse or prove that a painful event was necessary for growth. You can appreciate someone who helped you leave a dangerous situation while remaining angry about what happened.

An honest entry might say: “Today I do not want to turn anything into a gratitude prompt. I need sleep and a conversation.” That is also an observation about your needs. Gratitude can wait until you want to return to it.

VODA is a reflection sequence whose name comes from the Ukrainian-language exercise. In English, the four steps are acknowledge, allow without judgment, explore, and step back.

Acknowledge. What am I feeling? “I am angry because our agreement was cancelled” is more specific than “Something is wrong with me.” If you cannot name an emotion, start with a simple description: pleasant, unpleasant, tense, or numb.

Allow without judgment. Can I leave the feeling here briefly without demanding that it disappear? Acknowledging anger does not give permission to shout at someone. There is still a choice about what you do.

Explore. What happened before this reaction, what did I think, and what do I need now? Notice bodily sensations only if doing so feels comfortable. You do not have to force your attention inward or search for a hidden memory.

Step back. Can I put a little distance between myself and the first conclusion? “They do not value me” is a thought that may need checking. Your next step might be a pause, a question about the agreement, or a request for support. Sometimes you will want to change something in the situation; at other times, understanding your response will be enough.

Andrii arrived at the tennis court and only noticed the message at the locked gate: his friend had cancelled. His first thought was, “I don’t matter to him.” He wanted to send a sharp reply and never suggest meeting again. This is a moment to try VODA without deciding in advance what has actually happened between them.

Acknowledging means naming disappointment and anger about the wasted time. Allowing means making room for those feelings without demanding immediate gratitude for a free evening. Investigating means recalling when they agreed to meet, what the friend actually wrote and whether this keeps happening. Andrii notices that he does not yet know why the friend cancelled, and that his own time deserves consideration.

Stepping back here means gaining enough distance from “I am not valued” to see the event, his explanation and an available action separately. He could answer, “That’s a shame; I’m already here. What happened? Please let me know earlier next time.” If cancellations recur, a different arrangement may be appropriate rather than another attempt to persuade himself not to be upset.

Only later might Andrii notice something he wants to appreciate: perhaps his sister listened without mocking him. That is a separate episode; it does not justify someone else’s lack of consideration. Taras, Olena and Andrii are fictional. Their stories illustrate possible reflections, not a required emotional response.

Choose a convenient moment and a manageable amount of writing. A missed entry does not require a double assignment the next day. If you have no energy for several evenings, try one sentence or a different time of day.

After a few days, reread two or three notes and ask what recurs: whose help was welcome, where you left a need unspoken, which events you repeatedly interpret in the harshest way. Every detail does not need a hidden explanation. Sometimes rereading leads to a simple decision to ask for earlier notice or keep an evening free of new commitments.

The MriyaRun gratitude journal overview compares the compact journal with the longer workbook. Choose according to how you prefer to write and which questions you want to return to.

In the Steps of Gratitude workbook, you can give a reflection as much space as your answer needs. Beside something you appreciate, try leaving a line about what was difficult today and one thought about a next action. The page can accommodate different experiences. A dedicated workbook is optional for this exercise; an ordinary notebook is also suitable.