Love is an Art, Not a Find: The Path from Illusion to Maturity (and Where Emotional Intelligence Fits In)
Is there really a single "soulmate" or "better half" created just for you? Why does it happen that relationships starting like a fairytale eventually bring suffering?
We often hear that love is a spark, chemistry, or fate. But depth psychology asserts otherwise: love is an art that must be learned, just like painting or music.
Today, we will dissect the anatomy of relationships: from ancient myths to the modern practice of developing emotional intelligence with the MriyaRun project.
1. The Great Illusion: Why Do We Seek a "Half"?
Our craving to find a beloved is often rooted in the ancient myth of androgynes—beings who once combined male and female elements but were split in two by Zeus . Since then, we wander the world trying to restore our wholeness through another person.
But the truth is, this search is often an unconscious attempt to return to the "womb paradise", to find the Great Mother or Father who will provide absolute safety and unconditional love.
We are not looking for a real person, but a screen for our projections.
Carl Jung warned: every man carries an unconscious image of a woman (Anima), and every woman carries an image of a man (Animus) within. When we fall in love, we simply project this internal image onto our partner. This is the first stage of a relationship—we are enchanted because we see not the other person, but a part of ourselves.
2. The Crash: "You're Not Who I Thought You Were!"
Sooner or later, projections fade. The second stage begins—the phase of disappointment and the struggle for power.
This is where what Karen Horney called the "neurotic need for affection" kicks in. Its signs include:
- Insatiability and Jealousy: "You must love only me!".
- Demand for Unconditionality: "Love me no matter what, even if I behave terribly".
- Egocentricity: The neurotic is unable to give; they only want to take, perceiving a partner's interest in anything else as betrayal.
At this stage, most couples break up to find a new object and... repeat the cycle all over again.
3. The Bridge to Maturity: The Role of Emotional Intelligence
How do we break this cycle? How do we stop demanding that our partner heal our childhood traumas?
The answer lies in awareness. Jung said: "When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as fate".
To transition to mature love, one must withdraw projections and see the real person. This is impossible without developed Emotional Intelligence (EQ). It is EQ that allows us to understand: "Is this anger I'm feeling right now about my partner, or about my old pain?"
The MriyaRun project offers tools to develop this skill. The Emotional Intelligence course helps you:
- Recognize your projections and expectations.
- Take responsibility for your feelings instead of blaming your partner.
- Build dialogue not from the position of a wounded child, but from the position of an adult.
This is the transition to the fifth stage of relationships—searching for the source of problems within oneself, not on the outside.
4. What is Mature Love?
When we work through our emotions and traumas, space opens up for genuine feeling. Erich Fromm and Otto Kernberg identify these characteristics of mature love:
- Care and Knowledge: A deep interest in the life and development of the partner as they are, not as we want them to be.
- Basic Trust: The ability to be open and honest, even about one's own flaws.
- Mature Dependence: The ability to accept help without shame and to provide it.
- Acceptance of the Other: Understanding that the partner cannot love us exactly as we love them, and that is okay.
- Constancy: Loving the person despite physical changes or age.
"If I truly love one person, I love all people, I love the world, I love life".
Conclusion: Start With Yourself
Most people believe the main thing is to find the "right object," and everything else will follow naturally. This is as naive as wanting to paint masterpieces but waiting for the perfect brush without ever learning the art of painting.
The quality of your relationships depends directly on how you relate to yourself and how well you understand your own inner world.
Don't wait for love to just "happen." Become a master of this art. Start the journey to your true self and harmonious relationships with MriyaRun.
? Develop your ability to love and understand emotions here: https://mriya.run/offer-emotions
P.S. We can't promise you a fairytale ending (dragons are hard to insure these days), and we aren't love gurus sitting on a mountain top. But we do promise to share the mind-blowing insights that actually hooked us and changed how we think. We're dumping all the cool stuff that caught our attention right here: mriya.run. Come for the wisdom, stay for the vibes!