This material is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or psychotherapeutic advice. If you are experiencing an acute psychological condition or need professional support, please contact a doctor, psychologist, psychotherapist, or crisis service.
Stress is often described as an enemy that needs to be defeated. However, the stress response itself is part of our survival system. It helps us notice a threat more quickly, mobilize our resources, put secondary tasks aside, and take action. The difficulty arises when the event is over, but the body and mind continue to live as if the danger is still present.
This can manifest as tension in the shoulders, superficial sleep, irritability, difficulty concentrating, a desire to control everything, or avoiding even small risks. A person may understand that they are relatively safe, but their internal alarm system has not yet received this message.
This material has an informational and educational nature and does not replace a consultation with a doctor, psychologist, or psychotherapist. If anxiety significantly intensifies, substantially interferes with life, is accompanied by panic attacks, thoughts of self-harm, or pronounced physical symptoms, it is important to seek professional help.
The nervous system continues to listen for danger after the external threat has passed
How has the understanding of stress changed?
János Hugo Bruno Selye is the full name of Hans Selye, a doctor and researcher most often associated with the development of the theory of stress. He was born in 1907 in Vienna, studied medicine and organic chemistry in Prague, and in the early 1930s moved to Montreal. It was there that his observations of the non-specific response of the organism to various loads gradually took shape in the concept of the general adaptation syndrome.
Hans Selye (János Hugo Bruno Selye), researcher in the physiology of stress. Photo: Jean-Paul Rioux / Archives of the University of Montreal, CC BY-SA 4.0
In 1936, Selye published a short scientific paper on the sequence of the body's response to harmful influences. Later, he described three conditional stages: alarm, resistance or adaptation, and exhaustion. This model was influential, although modern stress science is significantly broader and does not reduce the diverse human experience to a single universal scheme. An interesting detail: Selye borrowed the word 'stress' from physics, and later admitted that a more accurate designation of the body's reaction could have been 'strain', meaning tension or deformation.
Selye was not working on a blank slate. Earlier, physiologist Walter Cannon had studied the maintenance of the body's internal balance and the 'fight or flight' response. In the second half of the 20th century, psychologist Richard Lazarus broadened the perspective on stress: it became important not only the external event and the bodily response, but also how a person evaluates the threat, their own capabilities, and the available support. This historical movement — from physiological mobilization to personal significance of the event — explains well why working with emotions, thoughts, body, and needs complements each other.
Richard S. Lazarus, psychologist and researcher on stress, emotions, and coping. Photo: Saxon Donnelly / UC Berkeley
Stress as an attempt by the body to help
In a stressful situation, the nervous system quickly redistributes resources. Heart rate may increase, muscles tense, attention narrows to the potential threat. The 'fight', 'flight', 'freeze', or 'fawn' reactions are not a conscious choice in the usual sense. They are automatic ways to increase the chances of coping with danger.
After the event is over, the system needs time to return to a calmer mode. Sometimes this transition happens quickly. Sometimes, previous experience, prolonged uncertainty, exhaustion, chronic pain, sleep deprivation, or new burdens maintain alertness. Then even a neutral signal can be perceived as a harbinger of a problem.
It is important not to turn this model into self-diagnosis. One and the same symptom can have different causes, and the psychological context does not negate the need for medical examination when it is necessary.
The autonomic nervous system: the body's internal automation
The heart continues to beat, pupils change size, the intestines move, blood vessels maintain pressure, and sweat glands react to temperature without a separate conscious command. A significant part of this work is regulated by the autonomic, or vegetative, nervous system. Its main divisions are the sympathetic, parasympathetic, and enteric, associated with the functioning of the digestive tract. Therefore, it is more accurate to speak not of 'sympathetic and vegetative systems', but of the sympathetic and parasympathetic divisions of one autonomic system.
Both divisions are active constantly and together maintain internal balance. They are often compared to the gas and brake pedals, but this is just a simplified metaphor. They can intensify, weaken, or differently coordinate the work of individual organs depending on the situation. The body does not switch completely from one mode to another with a single flick of a switch.
Sympathetic response: rapid mobilization
When the brain assesses a situation as dangerous or requiring immediate action, the sympathetic system quickly changes the body's priorities. The adrenal glands release adrenaline and noradrenaline, the heart beats faster and stronger, the airways widen, more blood flows to the muscles, the liver releases glucose as readily available fuel. Pupils dilate, sweating increases, and digestion and other tasks that can wait temporarily take a back seat.
In a natural environment, this restructuring helped to notice a predator, escape, defend oneself, endure pain, or quickly reach a safe place. In modern life, the same system supports us during sudden braking on the road, strenuous physical work, a sporting start, a fire, or the need to immediately protect a child. Short-term mobilization itself is not a breakdown: it makes sense, expends resources for survival, and after the event is over, it gives way to recovery.
The parasympathetic response: recovery after mobilization
When the immediate danger passes, the parasympathetic branch helps the body transition to a more economical mode. Heart rate slows, digestion and excretion receive more resources, and energy storage processes are restored. The vagus nerve plays a special role in this regulation, connecting the brainstem to the heart, lungs, and digestive organs.
This does not mean that any drowsiness, weakness, or lethargy is a sign of a beneficial 'activation of the parasympathetic nervous system'. A sharp drop in strength can occur for many reasons, and reactions of stillness and disconnection have a more complex physiology. The popular formula 'fight or flight — rest and digest' helps to see the general direction, but it does not describe the entire spectrum of human reactions.
Two speeds of the stress response
The body responds to a threat in at least two interconnected ways. The first works almost instantly: the sympathetic nervous system and the adrenal medulla release a wave of adrenaline and norepinephrine. This gives speed, strength, and access to energy right now.
The second path is slower — the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis, often shortened as the HPA axis. Through a sequence of hormonal signals, the adrenal glands release cortisol. It helps to maintain the availability of energy, pressure, and the body's readiness to respond to the load for a longer period. Cortisol is not a 'bad hormone': it is needed for normal daily rhythms, metabolism, immune regulation, and adaptation. The problem can arise from prolonged or untimely disruption of the entire system, not from the presence of cortisol itself.
What happens when the threat is truly over
After a short stress event, heart rate and breathing gradually slow down, muscles release some tension, the level of available fuel returns to the usual mode, digestion and restorative processes become priorities again. A person may feel fatigue, hunger, trembling, a desire to sit down, be in silence, or talk about what happened. This is not necessarily a sign of weakness: the body has spent resources and is rebuilding after mobilization.
The return is not always immediate and does not have a single correct pace. It is influenced by the duration and intensity of the event, sleep, physical condition, previous experience, availability of support, and whether the environment has truly become safe. Even a healthy system may remain on edge for some time after a strong shock.
When the alarm signal persists without an actual threat
The brain responds not only to what is happening outside, but also to predictions, memories, pain, uncertainty, or an internal image of danger. Therefore, a work assignment, silence from a loved one, or a physical sensation can sometimes trigger the same physiological cascade reaction that once helped to escape a direct threat. The system works in anticipation: for survival, a false alarm was often a smaller price than missing a danger.
If mobilization repeats too often or does not end with recovery, the body pays a long price for its readiness to act. Muscles may remain tense, sleep — superficial, attention — narrowed to possible problems. Digestion changes, the heart and blood vessels work more often in a high-load mode, and glucose remains available in the blood for longer. Headaches, palpitations, irritability, exhaustion, difficulties with memory and concentration may appear. These symptoms are non-specific: they do not prove that the cause is stress, and require medical evaluation if they persist, intensify, or frighten.
Chronic stress is associated with a higher risk of cardiovascular and metabolic problems, sleep disorders, anxiety and depressive states. This is not a simple formula where stress automatically causes a specific disease. Many factors influence health simultaneously: heredity, living conditions, nutrition, movement, infections, medications, access to help, and many others. It is more helpful to see chronic activation as an additional load, rather than a universal explanation for any symptom.
There is also a seemingly opposite response: after prolonged overexertion, a person may feel depleted, slowed down, indifferent, or as if they are detached from their own body. This does not mean that the nervous system has simply 'switched off' or that cortisol has run out in the body. Such experiences can have various psychological and medical causes, so popular labels like 'adrenal fatigue' do not replace diagnosis.
Why the nervous system needs the experience of a safe ending
For the safety system, it is important not only the signal of the beginning of danger, but also the experience of its end. Predictable pauses, sleep, food, moderate movement, contact with a reliable person, the return of a sense of support, and the ability to name what happened can be part of such a transition. They are not universal commands 'calm down the nervous system' and do not guarantee a quick effect. Their role is more modest: to give the brain and body new data about the present moment.
Here, emotional literacy complements the physiological perspective. It helps to ask: is there a threat now, or am I expecting its repetition; what does the body feel; what emotion gives this meaning; what action truly increases safety, and which only temporarily reduces tension. The answers do not directly control the pulse, but can change the assessment of the situation and the subsequent experience, on which the nervous system learns. If this reaction hits self-esteem, it is separately helpful to go throughHow to increase and stabilize self-esteem: practical steps .
Stress has not only a cost, but also a function
Talking about chronic stress easily creates the impression that the best organism is the one that never gets tense. However, life without activation would be life without the readiness to wake up, focus, stand up for oneself, withstand complexity, and direct energy towards a goal. A short increase in tension can enhance vigilance, accelerate reaction, make priorities clearer, and help gather resources for action.
Before an important conversation, the heart may beat faster, and attention may return to the future event. At a moderate intensity, this experience sometimes prompts to prepare arguments, clarify facts, practice, or ask for support. Anxiety in this case does not perform all the motivational work, but signals: the result matters, there is uncertainty, and it is worth approaching it carefully.
While the complete absence of anxiety does not mean the absence of motivation, a person can act out of curiosity, love, professional skill, enjoyment of the game, responsibility, a desire to help, or a desire to create something important. More precisely, it can be said that action usually requires activation, significance, and direction, and anxiety is just one of the ways the psyche increases this activation.
Why a Little Tension Can Help, and Too Much Can Hinder
The link between activation and outcome is often explained by the inverted U model. With very low activation, there may be a lack of liveliness, interest, or effort. With moderate activation, a person becomes more attentive and energetic. When activation exceeds the available regulatory capacity, productivity may decrease: attention clings to the threat, working memory is overloaded, movements become more constrained, and thoughts become repetitive.
Too Little, Just Enough, and Too Much Activation: The Same Energy Can Leave a Person Passive, Support Creative Work, or Overload Attention
This curve should not be read as a universal formula or searched for a single right point for everyone. Classic experiments by Robert Yerkes and John Dodson in 1908 were conducted on mice and concerned learning under different stimulus intensities. Later, the idea was significantly extended to human motivation and productivity. Modern reviews remind us that the shape of the connection depends on the complexity of the task, skills, type of stressor, individual differences, and what is considered a successful outcome.
A simple, well-known task sometimes withstands higher activation: to rhythmic music, a person cleans a room or completes a mechanical task faster. A complex creative or analytical task often requires broader attention, working memory, and tolerance for ambiguity. Excessive tension narrows the search field: the brain strives to find a safe answer faster, although creativity precisely now needs options, pauses, and the possibility of making mistakes.
Anxiety Can Mobilize, But It Comes at the Cost of Attention
Mild anxiety can strengthen error monitoring and prompt a person to prepare more carefully. That's why a student sometimes opens their notes because of the thought of an exam, and a manager double-checks important figures before a meeting. Externally, the result may remain high, although it required more internal effort.
The attention control theory describes one possible reason: as anxiety increases, the system sensitive to bright and threatening signals gains more influence, and directed attention control becomes more difficult. Part of the resource goes to checking for danger, doubts, controlling one's performance, and trying not to make mistakes. A person can still perform the task well, but slower, with more exhaustion, or thanks to excessive preparation.
When tension grows even more, the motivational signal turns into noise. Instead of 'this is important, prepare,' it sounds like 'a mistake is unacceptable,' 'you must predict everything,' 'if it doesn't work out, it will be a catastrophe.' Attention no longer helps work with the task - it serves the endless prediction of threats.
The Challenge and the Threat: One Situation, Different Resource Assessments
Two people can feel equally anxious before a presentation, but understand their state differently. The first person notices their heart racing and thinks: “My body is gathering energy, I’ve prepared, and I can try.” The second person reads the same signal as proof of inevitable failure. In both cases, the situation is important, but the ratio of demands to available resources is assessed differently.
In stress research, this is described through states of challenge and threat. A challenge more often arises when a person sees enough resources for a response: skills, time, support, the right to make mistakes, the possibility of recovery. A threat intensifies when demands seem greater than resources. This is not a matter of the right attitude, nor a call to convince yourself that everything is easy. Sometimes, demands are truly excessive, and the most realistic response is to change the conditions, reduce the workload, or seek help.
This changes the practical question. Instead of trying to completely eliminate anxiety, we can explore: how to make the demands a little clearer, and the resources a little more accessible? For one task, this might mean rehearsing, for another, breaking it down into stages, clarifying criteria, adding time, feedback, or honestly refusing an unrealistic volume.
Flow State: When Complexity Meets Mastery
Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi described flow as a state of deep immersion in activity, where attention focuses on what the person is doing now. Action and awareness seem to merge, excessive self-observation fades to the periphery, the sense of time may change, and the activity itself becomes intrinsically rewarding.
Flow State: Attention is focused on the living action, and extraneous signals and the sense of time gradually recede to the periphery
Flow is often associated with several conditions: the goal is sufficiently clear, feedback comes without too long a delay, skills match the challenge, and complexity stretches slightly beyond the automatic. When the task is significantly simpler than possible, boredom may arise. When its demands far exceed skills and resources, anxiety, chaos, or the desire to give up increase. Between these poles lies a space where effort is required, but action remains possible.
The balance of challenge and skill is not a mathematical equality. A meta-analysis of flow research showed a moderate link between this balance and the experience of flow; clear goals and a sense of control were also found to be important. Therefore, it is not enough to simply “make life more difficult for yourself.” The task should be understandable, meaningful, and one where a person can notice the consequences of their actions.
Flow should also not be romanticized as a way to permanently switch off anxious thoughts. Deep immersion can temporarily reduce the space for extraneous signals, but it does not solve every cause of anxiety and is not always accessible. Exhaustion, danger, pain, depression, traumatic experience, chaotic demands, or constant interruptions can significantly hinder entering flow.
Don't settle for any price, but set the conditions.
If there's not enough activation, sometimes it helps to add a challenge: formulate a more specific result, limit the time, choose a more difficult level, include an element of play, ask a partner, or connect the action to a personally important meaning. The goal here is not to scare yourself with the consequences, but to make the task more alive and noticeable for attention.
If there's too much activation, a helpful direction may be to reduce uncertainty and cognitive load: define the next step, write down some of the information, allow for drafts, agree on criteria, remove unnecessary stimuli, return to basic needs, or get help. Sometimes a task needs not to be 'overcome', but to be postponed, shortened, or given to someone else.
Emotional literacy in this context doesn't fight every anxiety. It helps to distinguish: does this tension give me energy or does it already take away my ability to think; do I see a challenge or am I experiencing an immediate threat; do I lack motivation, skill, clarity, rest, or security; do I need to increase the complexity or, conversely, return the task to the realm of the possible.
Fear and anxiety: close, but different experiences
Fear usually has a noticeable object: I see the danger, I understand what I'm afraid of, and I can at least roughly assess the situation. Anxiety is often directed towards the future. It speaks the language of assumptions: 'What if?', 'What if I don't cope?', 'Will this happen again?'
The boundary between them is not always clear. A real threat may end, but the expectation of its return remains. Or vice versa: a blurred anxiety gradually finds a specific image and turns into fear of a specific conversation, place, or decision.
It's more helpful not to argue with yourself about whether 'I have the right to react this way', but to clarify: what is happening right now, what facts do I see, what is my imagination drawing, and what does my safety system need.
Five layers of one internal signal
Sometimes, under the word 'anxiety', there is a whole chain. If we divide it into parts, more clarity emerges.
- The body: The stomach tightens, hands get cold, the jaw tenses, and breathing changes.
- The emotion: Fear, shame, anger, guilt, sadness, helplessness, or several states at once.
- The thought: «I'll ruin everything», «They'll judge me», «The danger will return».
- The impulse: To flee, freeze, argue, check, control, or seek reassurance.
- The need: For safety, support, clarity, rest, boundaries, time to make a decision, or contact with a loved one.
When the bodily signal, emotion, thought, impulse, and need gradually separate, the internal experience becomes clearer.
Such differentiation does not guarantee immediate relief. It returns the ability to notice which part of the experience we can truly influence right now.
How a protective scenario is established
Imagine a person who once experienced harsh public criticism. The next time before a presentation, their body tenses even before they leave the room. The thought arises: «They'll humiliate me again». The person repeatedly checks the presentation, avoids improvisation, and eventually refuses to give presentations.
Avoiding brings short-term relief, and the nervous system remembers: «I was saved because I didn't go». This is how the scenario is reinforced. This doesn't mean the person needs to force themselves to go on stage immediately. Often, a gradual approach is more helpful: a small, safe audience, support, preparation for potential difficulties, working with thoughts, and the right to stop.
Similar patterns can emerge in relationships. After an experience of betrayal, a neutral delay in response is perceived as a sign of a new betrayal; after conflicts, a partner's silence seems like punishment; after prolonged exhaustion, even an ordinary request feels like an intrusion. The reaction has its history, although this history does not always accurately describe the current situation.
Words by Dmytro Telushko
Dmytro Telushko — a practical psychologist, author, and founder of MriyaRun
For me, emotional literacy begins when a person stops demanding the 'right' reaction from themselves and tries to hear what is already happening. An emotion does not give a ready-made solution. It brings information: about a threat, loss, boundary, desire, closeness, or lack of support. Then time, reality checking, and a mature choice are needed. That's why we create MriyaRun tools — to create a little more space between the automatic reaction and the action.
— Dmytro Telushko, a practical psychologist, author, and founder of MriyaRun
From 'what's wrong with me?' to 'what's happening?'
Gentle self-observation can begin with a short record. It's not necessary to analyze the whole day or find the root cause of every reaction. One episode is enough.
- What happened in the language of facts, without judgments?
- What did I notice in my body?
- What emotions can I name at least approximately?
- What thought intensified or lessened the tension?
- What impulse is pushing me?
- What need might be behind this reaction?
- What small step would be safe enough right now?
If there are no answers, that's also an observation. The ability to name one's inner experience develops gradually, especially when emotions were previously shamed, punished, or required to be quickly 'controlled'.
MriyaRun tools for different stages
One product cannot equally well meet all requests. Therefore, the MriyaRun EQ line is built as several different approaches to the topic.
EQ Emotions Journal: Daily Observation
The EQ Emotions Journal helps to record your state, notice the nuances of basic emotions, and connect them with thoughts, body, and events. It can be used at your own pace: daily, several times a week, or only during periods of increased stress.
EQ Emotions Journal MriyaRun: a separate tool for developing emotional literacy and daily observation of your state
Printed Emotion Journal EQ MriyaRun
«Conversation with Yourself»: When Attention Returns to the Body
Body Journal “Conversation with Yourself: Hear, Understand and Heal” has a different focus. It helps you notice bodily sensations, the connection between past experience and present reactions, the inner critic and recurring patterns more attentively. In the context of prolonged stress-related alertness, this format may support a dialogue with the body without demanding an immediate explanation or correction of every symptom.
The physical journal «Conversation with Yourself»: a page for observing tension, bodily sensations, and moments of contact with oneself
A page in the journal «Conversation with Yourself» combines author's text, daily questions, physical tracking, and space for personal entries
RedLines: Two Games, Two Focuses
RedLines: Emotional Detective offers to explore the motives of characters, boundaries, thinking traps, and behavioral scenarios. The fictional story creates a useful distance: sometimes it's easier to talk about complex issues first through a character.
RedLines EQ: Emotion Detector shifts the focus to the emotion behind behavior. A sharp tone can hide fear, silence — shame or helplessness, control — anxiety. These are hypotheses for discussion, not a way to «read» another person without their participation.
RedLines EQ in action: cards help to move from abstract conversation to a specific situation, emotion, and possible course of action
«About Emotions. Anger»: When the Signal Concerns Boundaries
Dmytro Telushko’s workbook “About Emotions. Anger: How to Understand and Live Through It” focuses on the spectrum of anger and its relationship to boundaries, strength and communication. It includes material for exploring 26 emotional states, explanations, writing prompts and images that support a more attentive and nuanced view of anger.
This book can be helpful when someone only notices two poles—silent endurance or an outburst—and wants to recognize irritation, resentment, tension, or the need to protect themselves earlier. Working with it is not about calling to “release anger.” It’s important to notice its intensity, context, physical manifestation, the boundary it’s trying to protect, and choose an action that doesn’t destroy the person or their relationships.
Anger is often only noticeable at its peak, although less loud signals may precede it: an internal “enough,” fatigue from concessions, a feeling of injustice, clenching of the jaw, a faster speech, or a desire to abruptly end contact. The workbook creates a space where these nuances can be considered separately: what happened, what emotion was identified, how it feels in the body, what it’s connected to, and what the person needs in this situation.
This is especially relevant in the context of stress. When the sympathetic nervous system has already mobilized the body, the energy of anger can help protect the boundary, stop a dangerous contact, or return a sense of power. However, with prolonged alertness, neutral discomfort is sometimes experienced as an attack. Therefore, the task is not to declare anger right or wrong, but to distinguish the signal, the degree of real threat, available resources, and the consequences of a possible action.
The written format gives a pause between the impulse and the response. In this pause, you can see if it’s about a violated boundary, fatigue, fear of loss, shame, helplessness, or accumulated unexpressed dissatisfaction. The book doesn’t offer one universal reaction: for one situation, a clear “no” will be important, for another—a conversation, distance, a request for support, or a decision to do nothing immediately.
Workbook by Dmitry Telushko “About Emotions. Anger: How to Understand and Live Through It”
Details of the book “About Emotions. Anger”: the workbook combines author’s text, visual images, and space for self-observation
A page from the book “About Emotions. Anger”: visual images, questions, and space for attentive exploration of the emotional experience
CBT SHIFT: when tension is supported by thought
CBT SHIFT. Part 1 invites you to distinguish in writing between the situation, automatic thought, emotion, bodily response and behaviour, and then look for an alternative explanation. The task is not forced “positive thinking”. It is about widening the view so that an anxious prediction is no longer the only possible version of events.
CBT SHIFT: Written work with automatic thought, emotion, behavior, and alternative perspective
Gradual Progress Instead of the Demand to Quickly Fix
When a person has lived in tension for a long time, calmness can also seem unusual. A free evening can cause guilt, silence can be alarming, and the absence of urgent matters creates a feeling of emptiness. In such a situation, the advice 'just relax' doesn't change much.
Returning to a sense of safety often consists of many small experiences: a predictable routine, enough sleep, movement, contact with people you can trust, clearer boundaries, medical help when needed, psychotherapy, and practices of self-observation. Different people need different combinations of these supports.
The goal is not to never worry. Anxiety remains part of life. It's more important to gradually learn to notice it earlier, understand the context, distinguish the signal from the prediction, and retain more freedom in choosing the next step.
A Few Questions to Conclude
- What signal does my body give me most often when I am tense?
- What emotion is easier for me to name, and which one do I usually miss?
- What prediction sounds in my head as an unquestionable fact?
- What is my boundary or need that currently requires attention?
- What might be a sufficiently small and realistic step of support today?
Answers can change. That's what living emotional intelligence is all about: not reducing yourself to one formula, but remaining attentive to what's happening now.
Sources and scientific guidelines
- NCBI Bookshelf: physiology of the autonomic nervous system
- NCBI Bookshelf: physiology of the stress response
- Endotext: endocrine physiology and pathophysiology of stress
- American Psychological Association: the impact of stress on body systems
- Trends in Cognitive Sciences: a contemporary review of the link between activation and productivity
- PMC: theory of attention control and the influence of anxiety on performance
- PubMed: challenge, threat, attention control, and skill performance
- The Journal of Positive Psychology: meta-analysis of the balance between challenge, skill and flow
- PubMed: Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi on challenge, skill and quality of experience