Truth vs Safety: The Lying Paradox by Claude Steiner

We were raised on the commandment "Thou shalt not bear false witness." It seems like the foundation of civilization. However, if we look deeper into human psychology and social interaction, it turns out our relationship with the truth is much more complex, tangled, and "stranger" than a simple black-and-white distinction.

Claude Steiner, in his fundamental work on emotional literacy, raises an uncomfortable question: do we have a right to lie, and is the truth always a good thing?

Let's start with shocking figures. Research by Dr. Bella de Paulo shows that lying is not an anomaly but a routine. People lie in one-fifth of all their social interactions.

We live in a web of petty untruths, which, according to Brad Blanton (author of "Radical Honesty"), "wears us out" and becomes a major source of stress. But is total truth the solution?

The history of philosophy is torn between two poles. On one side stand St. Augustine and Immanuel Kant. Kant argued that lying is a crime, even if you are lying to a murderer about the location of their victim. This is the position of absolute, "blind" truth.

On the other side is Benjamin Constant, who objected: "No one has a right to the truth that harms others".

Claude Steiner offers a third path. He defines a lie as a conscious act. You cannot lie without being aware of it. Therefore, Steiner rejects the concept of "lying to oneself" as impossible by definition.

Steiner's main thesis is that truth is critical for emotional literacy, but it is secondary to safety. A person striving to be honest must understand: the truth can sometimes be harmful. But here lies the trap. In everyday life, situations where one really needs to lie to save a life (as in the murderer example) are extremely rare. In most cases, we lie not to protect life, but to manipulate people or to avoid discomfort.

Lying is often used under the guise of trying to protect another from "unnecessary pain," but in reality, it builds walls between people. The path to emotional maturity lies through realizing when we are lying for manipulation and when for real safety.

To learn to distinguish these moments, stop fearing your own truth, and build ecological relationships with yourself and the world, practical self-reflection tools are needed.

To stop lying to others, one must first learn to hear oneself and understand one's motives.