Why Do We Lose Connection With Ourselves? Listening to Authentic Needs
Have you ever felt a strange disappointment while standing on a summit you spent so long climbing? The degree is earned, the promotion secured, the house renovated. The box is checked. But instead of fireworks, there is only silence inside—or worse, exhaustion.
This is a classic symptom of losing connection with oneself. It is a signal that the script of your life was written by someone else.
The Mechanism: How Do We Lose Ourselves?
From childhood, we form ideas about who we should be. Family, school, society—each imposes its expectations.
We hear:
- "To be successful, you must have a prestigious job."
- "Good people always put others first."
- "Happiness is money, status, and a perfect family."
These beliefs become part of our consciousness, but are they ours? They often overshadow our true desires, forcing us to live by someone else's script.
The Battle of Needs: Imposed vs. Authentic
Imposed Needs (External Standards)
This is about "Must" and seeking approval.
- Signs: Feeling exhausted even when achieving goals. Constant anxiety that you are doing "not enough." Lack of joy in what you do. You act to avoid criticism.
Authentic Needs (Inner Voice)
This is about "Want" and your core values.
- Signs: A sense of harmony and energy (flow state) when doing something important to you. Understanding that you are acting according to your values. Inner peace, even if others do not approve.
The Path Back: 5 Steps to Self-Discovery
1. Reflection: Ask the Right Questions
- What brings me joy and peace?
- Do I feel like I am living my own life?
- What am I doing only because I "have to"? Journaling or quiet walks alone can help you listen to your thoughts.
2. Analyze Your Emotions
Emotions are indicators. Irritation may indicate that someone is violating your boundaries. Joy from a task suggests it aligns with your values. Listen to your body—it never lies.
3. Recognize External Influence
Ask yourself: "Do I want this because it aligns with my values, or because society approves of it?" For example, do you want a career promotion for growth, or to prove your worth to others?
4. Try New Things
Sometimes we cannot understand our needs until we experiment. Stepping out of familiar scenarios helps discover new facets of yourself.
5. Accept Your Limitations
Authentic needs might be simpler than they seem. You have the right not to strive for everything considered "successful" by others.
How to Live According to Your Needs?
- Set Healthy Boundaries. Learning to say "no" frees up space for what truly matters to you.
- Trust Your Instincts. Even if your decisions seem illogical to others, if they come from the heart, they are right for you.
- Find Time for Yourself. Let go of the rush. Real life happens here and now, not in achieving the next goal.
Understanding your true needs is an act of self-love. It allows you to reveal your true self and live a life that brings joy and satisfaction.
P.S. Interactive: Test "Whose Life Are You Living?"
Answer "Yes" or "No":
- [ ] I often feel guilty when resting.
- [ ] I find it hard to say "no" to people, even if it is inconvenient for me.
- [ ] When buying things, I often think: "What will others say?" or "This looks prestigious."
- [ ] I feel tired immediately after waking up, even if I slept enough.
- [ ] I don't know what I would do if I didn't have to earn money.
If you have 3 or more "Yes" answers — it seems the voice of "Imposed Needs" is currently louder than your own. It is time to change that.
Tools for Reconnecting with Yourself from MriyaRun
Theory is good, but change happens through practice. I, Dmytro Telushko, have created tools to help you hear the quiet voice of your own needs:
- ? Body Journal Your body knows the truth before your brain does. In the article, we discussed fatigue and tension as markers of untruth. This journal will teach you to decipher body signals and distinguish "mine" from "imposed" on a physical level.
- ? Emotional Journal (Workbook) The ideal space for reflection (Step 1). Instead of chaotic thoughts, you get a structured analysis of your desires, fears, and values. This is your private territory of honesty.
Start your journey back to yourself at MriyaRun.