Richard Boyatzis is a renowned psychologist, researcher, and author specializing in the study of emotional intelligence, leadership, and organizational behavior. He is a professor of organizational behavior at Case Western Reserve University and has worked in the field of education for more than 40 years.
Boyatsis is also the author of numerous books and scientific articles that have had a major impact on the theory and practice of management.
Richard Boyatsis remains active in the fields of organizational behavior, leadership, and the development of emotional intelligence, and his research and publications continue to influence academia and practitioners worldwide.
In his theory of intentional change, Richard Boyatsis explains how to achieve sustainable personal growth, why dreams are more important than goals, and how other people make us better.
5 steps to change
It is difficult to change for the better. Everyone went through it: we start working on ourselves, try to rebuild, and then return to old habits.
What should be done to make positive changes last for a long time? First, you need to understand that progress is not linear. It occurs in jerks, separate flashes of awareness. Boyatsis singled out 5 such realizations and proposed a 5-step formula.
1. Realize your ideal self
What kind of person do you want to be?
What is your vocation?
What excites, excites and motivates you?
At this stage, you determine which dream can become your driving force. It can be related to work, lifestyle, family, qualities that you aspire to.
2. Realize your real self - strengths and weaknesses.
Realizing your real self is a continuous process that requires time, patience and self-criticism. By focusing on your strengths and working on your weaknesses, you can develop your potential and achieve personal and professional success.
Self-assessment is often inaccurate, so rely on the opinion of people who know you well. Find out how they perceive you, what they feel during communication. Journal your successes, failures, and emotional reactions.
3. Make a development plan
This is not just a list of goals. Think about specific actions that will bring you closer to your ideal self. Let's say you want to become a good conversationalist. For this, it is desirable to ask questions more often, and not just talk about yourself. Plan to start any conversation by reminding yourself, "Oh, this is an opportunity to practice." You can include in the rehearsal plan in your head or with a trusted person.
An important condition for success: choose one line of work. Changing several habits at once is too difficult.
4. Practice
The more you do it, the stronger the neural connections. Gradually, the new behavior becomes natural and you expend less and less conscious effort. Daily practice can be the key to improving many aspects of life, from physical health to personal growth and social connections.
5. Find support
You will definitely have bad days and relapse into old behavior. This is normal, but there is a danger of becoming disillusioned and out of touch. In such moments, a coach, psychotherapist, loved one or friend will help you not to despair.
The support of a friend can be extremely valuable in achieving your goals, providing emotional, moral and practical support to help you stay on track and succeed.
The effectiveness of the five steps is confirmed by scientific research. Boyatsis tested 39 people before using this approach and several times after. Participants did change according to their plan and there was no significant rollback. After 5-7 years, others rated them on the ESCI emotional intelligence questionnaire 50% higher than the initial level.
Personal development is based on positive motivation, so dreaming is useful
Stress, anxiety and feelings of inferiority make the brain focus on survival, cutting off everything else, so development becomes impossible.
Positive emotions activate the parasympathetic nervous system, contributing to the recovery of the body, increasing immunity and the formation of new neurons. This increases the receptiveness to new knowledge and improves the ability to learn.
Why does change start with a dream and not a goal? A dream engages our emotional resources. Research shows that it activates areas of the brain that make a person more open to other people and new ideas. When a person focuses on a goal, the opposite happens: it closes.
A dream is an effort, enthusiasm, passion, true desires, not bound by obligations. This is a charge of internal motivation that allows you to work hard and go through life with enthusiasm. "To thrive, not to survive," says Boyatsis.
The role of the environment is very important for achieving goals
Caring and trusting relationships are the most favorable environment for personal growth. The support and faith of loved ones help us not to stop halfway. They are inspired by our dream and emotions, and following our example, they also begin to work on themselves, asking for our support in return. In this way, an endless cycle of mutual aid and development emerges.
If you are married or in a relationship, pay attention to your shared dreams with your partner. Together you will get closer to their realization much faster than alone. You should also spend more time with friends and even create a "personal board of directors" to help you with self-discipline.
Compassion, or how to help others
When talking about relationships, you can't ignore the topic of compassion. It is not only compassion for those who are not well. A separate type of compassion is caring for the personal growth of another person.
When we empathize, we don't try to "fix" the person, we don't decide for them what is best for them. We focus entirely on the individual and their needs. Boyatsis advises asking questions that fuel positive emotions. For example:
"If in 10-15 years your life was perfect, what would it be?"
Some people respond better to the same question in a playful way:
“You just won $80 million in the lottery. How will your work and life change?"
In this way, we help a person to understand or remember what he really wants and give an impulse to his inner motivation.
"Who has helped you the most in life?" - Another question that can be used. Its purpose is to awaken gratitude, one of the key positive emotions.
In everyday communication, we often tell people about our day or complain about current events. Boyatsis suggests asking questions about dreams and benefactors instead. He assures: 10 minutes of such a conversation will bring a lot of benefit to both you and the interlocutor.
People are able to change irreversibly and overcome old habits. Five elements are necessary for this: a dream, self-awareness, a development plan, practice and caring relationships. A dream provides positive motivation, and relationships provide support on this long and difficult path.
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