Changes in life

One of the most common mistakes in personal development is that people consider development to be a linear and sequential process. But the reality is far from video games, where the progress of the character is felt after each defeated enemy. In life there are whole weeks without a sense of progress and rare days of inspiring success. Motivation comes and goes - that's normal.

Remember what exactly prompted you to do yourself. What happens if you stop now? There are several ways to avoid falling prey to illusory results:

Set realistic goals for yourself.
Make a study plan and stick to it.
Do not drag out the process, make intensive a way of your life.
Enjoy the process.

And as soon as you understand that you have moved from a dead point and you have results - keep moving.

As a rule, people start working on themselves when life gives a kick and a specific, very important task appears. Not an ordinary whim "I'm going to start working on myself!" – it passes quickly. But when there is a real need for change, we act more diligently.

Even getting on a bicycle for the first time is scary, but in childhood we overcome this barrier. Everyone has fears, but strong people learn to overcome them with the same ease with which they wash in the morning. They do not have the goal of "not being afraid" — they are busy solving specific tasks.

Learn to understand what exactly scares you in the future business. Why do you keep putting things off until next Monday? Changes are always disturbing, even if they are small, but always keep in mind your goal and the answer to the question: "Why are you doing this?"

The thirst for self-development arises in adolescence, when a person has a lot of energy and free time. Adults are busy with work, career plans, family, rest in their free time and maintaining friendly relations.

The conscious development of new professional or personal qualities in oneself is a time-consuming process that should be undertaken like any other important matter. It is good if you are organized and responsible, but most people face difficulties, fears and insecurity in their own competence. Only the mindless do not doubt or fear. In the previous paragraph, we discussed the fear of the new, and now we are faced with the fear of taking action. It is quite simple to cheat your own cognitive distortion.

Just as you set aside free time for self-improvement, take a moment for self-doubt. They are also called "points of doubt" - a period of time in the plan of working on oneself, when a person gives himself the opportunity to analyze doubts and make a new decision.

Write down your doubts on a piece of paper. Write down all the pros and cons. Let even the process of doubt become productive! And all the rest of the time, work according to the schedule, according to the internal action plan.

If you have many tasks in front of you, there is a great temptation to tackle everything at once. And become a charismatic leader, and train in the gym, and learn English (along with programming languages), and sing, and dance, and play the bagpipe. But let's look at the situation soberly and take deliberate steps. Remember the proverb "patience and hard work will overcome everything." Don't try to master a hundred skills in a week. Otherwise, it will not be possible to avoid the problem of "illusory result".

Make a list of everything you want to master, then divide it into three groups: 1) urgent; 2) important, but not urgent; 3) purely own "wishes", which can wait until better times. Method and consistency produce far better results than hustle.

The past gives us identity and experiences that mark our identity and knowledge. However, this past is not a plate that we have to carry around all day. We are what we do now to improve what we were.

These are healthy skills that we must take in relation to our present, which is the only real moment we live in.The past is only a memory, and the future is only a hypothetical scenario that will come if it has to come .

Our actions, our thoughts, our present are what make us who we are. Let's do more and worry less! Living in the modern world becomes imperative in a society where we are constantly eating things that aren't really that bad.

They may be important, but there is nothing we can do unless we are willing to take the bull by the horns and put the means and willingness to focus on being more adaptive, fulfilled, and happy.

That is why living in the present involves addressing those aspects of reality that are uncomfortable, and we integrate them into our experience as part of a set of changing situations: neither as elements of the past that we are condemned to drag, nor as obstacles that will touch us. an agreement only in the future, and about which we can have no idea here and now. In fact, accepting the present moment means being able to face reality with constructive thinking.

The past works by presenting all of our experiences that are perceived as important. These experiences can be good, useful for learning, but they can also be fuel for worry and regret.

It is said that people occupy 70% of their thoughts thinking about the past, especially the bad things: the break with our partner, we didn't study enough for the exam, we forgot to call my brother to wish him a happy birthday .. . The past, poorly managed, is what prevents us from living in the present. What can be done is not to change the past, but to modify the present to rethink our memories and our material reality inherited from those events that have already happened.

It has happened to all of us more than once that when we are working, studying, playing sports or whatever, suddenly, repetitive thoughts, flashes of really unpleasant situations come into our heads like unwelcome guests.

We stop focusing on what we are doing and focus on remembering that bad experience over and over again. What is all this good? Why live again, even in the imaginary sense, this? Are we going to magically change it by thinking about it a lot?

We can regret bad things we have done or simply not living our dreams. We wanted to learn English, but we dropped the course, we wanted to get in shape, but the sports clothes remained in the closet, we wanted to tell a girl or a boy to go out, but we kept quiet ... we wanted a lot, but did nothing. Y we end up martyring ourselves for something we didn't do, unconsciously believing that if we brought it up in the past and didn't do it, we never will. Lie. Never say never.

Only those who don't try fail. Trying to live in the present, doing it with new experiences, changing the way we think and ultimately focusing on what we see, hear, feel and do is the key to happiness.

Now is the time when we can change our lives, not the past. Now we can choose how to feel, how to think and how to act. The present is what exists, and as the existing entity that it is, we can control it. The past and the future are things that do not exist, that already / still do not exist.

When we can focus our attention on the present, our mind is freed from past or future negative thoughts. When the concept of who we are is based on bad memories, things we would rather not experience, we live in constant suffering. For this reason, we should see our past as a learning experience rather than a determinant of our present.

Happiness lives in the moment, not in the past, and not in the future. We may have been happy in the past, and we may be happy in the future, but the past has already happened and the future is yet to come. Let's dwell on the present, because happiness comes precisely at this moment.

One of the factors contributing to the manifestation of psychopathology, especially the depressive and anxiety type, is the inability to stop paying attention to things that cannot be changed, mainly the past and the future. What we can change, what can bring us benefit and satisfaction is the present, if we have time and the circumstances allow it.

Living now is not an easy task. This requires progressive learning, developing the habit of focusing on the present, focusing on what we are living, not allowing our mind to be distracted and too much tempted, thinking all kinds of thoughts that lead to bad past experiences and worrying about it. .

It is not that we should stop worrying, forgive the excess, we worry about the past or the future. Man is a rational animal, capable of anticipating what to do and considering what options are available to him. It is our nature as advanced thinking beings to think about what will happen to us and to focus our cognitive resources and skills in finding a hypothetical situation.

The past, made up of experiences and lessons learned from them, is a guide that helps us think about how to proceed. The problem is that when we create our mind, if we are too neurotic or obsessive, that is what creates a lot of emotional imbalances.

Both the past and the future are two things we have no control over, which is why it creates so much longing, even though we rationally know we can't change the past, and the future is something that will happen regardless of our care.

Living in the present doesn't just mean stopping thinking about the past or the future. He also learns how to make the most of the here and now, enjoying it, being aware of it. Focusing on every detail, be it the music we listen to, the taste of the tea we drink, its temperature, the aroma of the room ... In short, learning to enjoy the current situations, engaging our body and our ability to perceive, trying to see the good things around us.

Mindfulness is one of the techniques that is gaining more and more popularity in the field of psychology, and this is not surprising, given that it allows us to achieve a state of full awareness of the present moment, which is, in essence, learning to live in the present. We force our minds to engage in the here and now, no matter what else.

Although the name of the technique is modern, its roots are quite deep, based on Buddhist philosophical doctrines, seeing the experience of the present moment as an inexhaustible source of knowledge.

Thinking about the present while it is pleasant can significantly reduce stress levels. Related to what we discussed earlier, what is the use of remembering an unpleasant event in the past? What's the use of worrying about something that hasn't happened yet? Through mindfulness, a state of relaxation is achieved, a state in which all that matters is that we are living now, in the place where we are.

One of the basic principles of mindfulness is to accept whatever we have now, without making judgments or judging how good or bad it is. the fact that such a thing is positive or such a thing is negative.

This is especially helpful for negative emotions such as sadness, pain, or impulsiveness. By accepting these negative emotions, not embracing them for what they are, they lose their power. They are there like a fire in a fireplace on a winter's day. We can either try to add water to the flame, which strangely revives it, or we can sit in a chair, sit by the heat, look at the flame and accept that it is there, allowing time to extinguish it.

After living the emotional part of the experience, touch on its interpretation. Let's stop for a moment, thinking about what we felt and why we felt it. Should I have felt this way? Was it that serious? How did the trouble go? How do we proceed? Before you decide to take the next step, think about it, because impulsiveness is never a good advisor.

Living in the present requires accepting that there are things we cannot control. It is true that through changing thoughts and taking actions, we build our present. If we want to do something, like get in shape, learn a language, or make friends, there's no better way than to get down to business.

However, there are things we can never control, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, the desire to control absolutely everything, as if our reality were a mechanical device in which you can control the movement of all the gears, levers and parts, is a gross mistake. This is the worst way to try to live in the present, creating tension and stress. You must stop circumstances to flow like the waters of a river.