Each person has three personality states that determine how he behaves with others, and what results from this. The American psychotherapist Eric Burn came to this conclusion. He researched and described the three Ego-states of a person: "Father", "Adult", "Child". At every moment of our lives we are in one of these three states. Their change can happen as often and quickly as you like.
Ego-state "Father"
derives its origin from parents (mother and father).
In this state, a person feels, thinks, acts, speaks and reacts exactly as his parents did. Settings, values, traditions, rules, prohibitions also come from parents.
The I-Father state can be activated when raising one's own children. It most often affects human behavior by performing the functions of conscience. That is, it can be something that controls, or it can be caring.
Caring Father — able to care, help, forgiving your offenses and imperfections. He finds pleasure in this, so such help always appears on time and is perceived naturally, without tension. All that the Caring Father requires in return is a little attention to his person.
The Controlling Father is always and everywhere seeking to “drive out a wedge with a wedge”.
A person in this state will again and again draw attention to your mistakes and weaknesses, emphasize his superiority and guide you to the true path with or without a reason. He can treat himself in the same way: he will constantly criticize and blame himself, see his mistakes and at the same time he may not pay attention to his victories, strengths and see life in dark colors.
If a person is dominated by the "Father" state, he easily goes to extremes: he tries to control the situation everywhere and always. In case of failure, scolds and scolds himself or others for any reason, in everything.
Ego state "Child"
it is when a person feels, thinks, acts, speaks and reacts as he did in childhood.
Every person carries the traits of a little boy or a little girl. From time to time, we manifest ourselves in a childish way, we return to our childhood experiences, but already from the position of a mature personality. Emotional manifestations are the position of the "Child".
It is this part of the human personality that is the most valuable. It is from the state of "Child" that we feel happiness, we remain natural - enthusiastic and sweet, joyful and sad or stubborn and compliant - the same as we were in our childhood. Spontaneity, intuition, creativity are most clearly manifested in childhood. That is, the emotional part of our life.
The ego state of "Child" is divided into two parts: Free and Adaptive "Child". It is important that there is a balance between them.
Free Child is the ability not only to perceive life, but to be surprised and sincerely rejoice in its manifestations. And all creative processes take place in this state.
Adaptive Child is constant doubts and complexes. A person lives in tension, is afraid to take unnecessary or wrong steps. She has a constant struggle with herself for anything. In this state, a person will always adapt to others, it will be difficult for him to say "No", although later he may be offended and think that he was treated unfairly.
If the "Child" condition dominates in adulthood, it becomes a source of serious problems.
Such people are often offended and make claims to others. Having experienced even a small failure, a person in the "Child" state will find the culprit - an imperfect world, insincere friends, will complain about life, family, power, and the boss. And when there is no one to blame, then fate will be to blame for everything. As a result of such considerations, a person becomes disappointed in life, neglects the opportunity to use the experience gained to exclude similar mistakes in the future.
Ego state "Adult"
this is when a person objectively evaluates what is happening to him, taking into account his capabilities, experience, and knowledge.
A person in the I-Adult position is in the "here and now" state. She adequately assesses her actions and deeds, takes responsibility for everything she does. In the "Adult" position, a person retains the opportunity to learn from his mistakes and use the accumulated experience for further development. She does not "bite" herself for her mistakes, but takes responsibility for what to do next.
During the day, look behind you, what role do you communicate with? Maybe you care too much about others, even when you are not asked to, for example at work? Or too critical? Or are you so cheerful in life, but in career growth and in relationships you are not successful? Analyze which role you have more, and which role is weak and needs to be developed?
All these states are important for a person and it is important to restore the balance between them. However, in each state we have to move from the "Adult" state. That is, support and help is needed now, the adult decides to go into the state of "Father" and take care of himself. If he is unable to do something himself, the "Adult" will decide to ask for help or find it in some other way. What to feel joy, whether energy is needed "Adult" decides to go into the "Child" state.
A person whose behavior is dominated by the "Adult" position can be called a mature personality. Therefore, it is important in various unclear situations to ask yourself the question: in which Ego-state am I now, does it currently help or hinder me? In this way, you will return yourself to the state of "Adult" and then it will be easier for you to act further.