For some time, some idea has been constantly spinning in our heads... For some, it is connected with such a serious upheaval as a breakup, the birth of a child, moving, appointment to a managerial position. For others, it comes down to an incomprehensible desire: they want, for example, to change their image or engage in self-education. The third do not yet have the slightest idea of what kind of changes they want, they only have a feeling that it is time to do something. "Any changes have two dimensions: psychological and practical," says coach Oksana Maltseva. To start all over again, you need to know where we are coming from and where we are going. Consider the next route to achieve the goals and then move in that direction step by step, looking back from time to time to assess the path traveled. This is an exciting but challenging task that is easier to accomplish with a clear algorithm.
1. Analyze the situation
You can do the first part of this workshop by choosing a quiet place where no one will disturb you. This can be done during a walk or while you are taking a bath, so that the brain is free and there is an opportunity to delve into your thoughts.
You will need a pen and paper later. In the meantime, disconnect from external stimuli and answer the question: "Does the life I'm leading now meet my expectations?" Additional questions will help to evaluate this:
- What is important to you? What values do you have?
- What inspires you? The city you live in, hobbies, nature, children...
- Who do you want to be? If this point is difficult, remember your childhood dreams about the future, what you dreamed of doing and what you would learn.
2. Consider the possibilities
Think of familiar, famous personalities or characters who motivate you: what you would like to learn from them for yourself. At the same time, take into account the conditions in which you are. What are your limitations and what resources do you have at the moment.
- personal: age, physical condition, experience;
- communicative: circle of communication, connection, family;
- material: salary, other income, savings, real estate.
For example, at the age of 45, you are unlikely to join the ballet troupe of the Bolshoi Theater, but it is quite possible to perform at the local cultural center. But when considering your possibilities, exaggerate a little: because you always need to want a little more in order for changes to happen.
Make a list of everything you would like to get, change or learn.
3. Decide on your wishes
Now it's time to sort through the thoughts and organize them. Whatever you are planning - changes in one or another area of your life or just personal development - it is useful to consider six main aspects of existence:
- Physical;
- Sensual;
- Family;
- Social;
- Professional;
- Personal.
Your task is to develop a concrete plan for change in each of these six areas. To do this, divide the desired changes that you wrote down earlier in plain text among four different types of activities. It is more convenient to do this in writing, dividing the page into four columns:
- save Something that is nice and useful, and I continue to do it.
- Change. Something that is nice and useful and I can make some changes to it.
- to throw What is unpleasant and harmful, and I want to give it up completely.
- Begin. Something that is nice and useful and I want to use it in the future.
4. Draw a map
Six aspects - and in each four possibilities ... Don't let it scare you! This exercise helps coordinate the work of the hemispheres and stimulate brain activity. And it will not be difficult if you use visualization, which will clearly present the preliminary results of your thoughts.
Mark every planned change (no matter how small or unrealistic) on a visual "Idea Map". To create it, you will need six sheets of A4 paper (it is more convenient to unfold them horizontally) and several colored pencils.
In the center of each sheet, write a name that corresponds to one of the six aspects of life (you can place it in a circle):
- my body
- My personal life
- my family
- My relationships with others
- my job
- My inner life
Then, starting from the center with the name, draw four lines in different directions, choosing the appropriate color: "Save", "Change", "Drop" and "Start". And here you have before your eyes six beautiful suns, ready to receive new rays.
5. Predict the solution
Start with the aspect that seems the least difficult or the least worrisome to us. Let's say you chose the physical aspect ("My Body").
- Let's start with the first point: what specifically helps you energize your body? For example, you eat right. Write it down in the "Save" beam and then add all the details you can remember: studying information about vitamins and foods; I breathe fresh air... A real life plan is gradually appearing on paper.
- The second ray is "Change". What could you change right now? For example, you like to run, but because of knee problems, running is contraindicated for you. Maybe try an exercise bike? List it.
- In the third ray ("Quit"), you can plan to quit smoking or… something else?
- In the fourth ray ("Begin") write down everything you could do for the first time. Maybe take the yoga classes you've been thinking about for a long time?
Then do the same for the other five aspects of life. How to improve personal life? What to change in the family? Are you at work? The most effective way to communicate with others? Gain inner harmony?
You may not have ideas for some points, don't worry about it. These maps can be changed, clarified, supplemented and corrected. Keep them in mind and allow new ideas to emerge. Write it down.
6. Get down to business
And now for business. Be sure to use the exact words in your Idea Maps that indicate specific actions. If you wrote down "Self-affirmation" in the "My relations with others" card, then specify: "Courage to ask for help" or "Look for opportunities to apply your skills and talents."
Make each of your goals realistic and time-bound. Don't put off starting changes for later. But still, this is not a race to overtake. Therefore, do not start everything at the same time - otherwise the risk of not bringing your plans to the end is too great.
For example, studying the "My Family" card, ask yourself what is most important to you today or requires an immediate decision. Or, on the contrary, there is something that has been dragging on for a long time, and you feel that it is time to finally change it.
For children, it might be "Give each of them some alone time at least once a week" or "Stop asking too much of them with homework."
Once you've decided on your priorities, write them down again, but this time on a daily schedule! After all, despite your good intentions, everything will remain as before, if you do not plan the exact time for what you decide to do. Therefore, write down for yourself that you finally planned to spend some time with your youngest daughter: "Masha. Saturday, 5 p.m.: let's go to a cafe together."
7. Check achievements
Re-read notes regularly and take stock of the past days or weeks: “What happened? Did I achieve my goal? Has something changed for me? Maybe not outside, but inside? And for loved ones, for others?"
What if, despite your best efforts, you have not been able to cope with the challenges? Don't engage in self-flagellation, but listen to anything that resists change. Ask yourself: what prevented me? Not enough time, energy, will, support, knowledge? Was this plan too drastic or too complicated?
You can abandon it and make another one or divide it into several less global goals - simpler and less time- or energy-consuming. An honest and measured rejection of a goal is also a victory, because it is very difficult to part with a dream that we have sometimes cherished for decades. But the good news is that you can always set a new goal.
Changes begin where it is difficult and uncomfortable. Therefore, celebrate even the smallest victories that will lead you step by step on the road to your dreams.