Three components of self-compassion
Kristen Neff identified three components of self-compassion.
1. Self-kindness instead of criticism
It means taking care of yourself when it's hard and painful. Talking to yourself like a dear friend when you fail or when you don't feel good enough. Compassionate people recognize that we are not perfect, that difficulties and failures are normal and inevitable, that we do not always get what we want. And treat themselves with gentleness instead of getting angry that life is unfair or does not meet their ideals. When a person denies reality or struggles with it, suffering increases. He becomes even more stressed, frustrated and self-critical. If a person accepts reality with kindness and compassion, emotional peace arises.
2. Common humanity instead of isolation
Often in difficult moments of life, it seems to a person that he is alone in his suffering, that he is the only one who is wrong and feels this way. But troubles and problems are a part of human life. You cannot get rid of them forever. They were and will be for all people in the world. It unites us all. We are not alone in our suffering. Thus, self-betrayal involves the recognition that suffering and self-insufficiency are part of the common human experience. This is something we all go through, not something that only happens to me.
3. Awareness
This is an invaluable observation of negative emotions. Do not suppress feelings, but also do not exaggerate and merge with them. To perceive them as they are.
How self-compassion affects life
- increases emotional well-being in adolescents and adults (Bluth & Blanton, 2012)
- reduces self-criticism, feelings of isolation, and over-attachment to one's experiences (Neff, 2016)
- reduces the impact of body dissatisfaction and unfavorable comparisons on psychological quality of life (Duarte, Ferreira, Trindade, & Pinto-Gouveia, 2015)
- reduces caregiving fatigue and burnout in caregivers, caregivers, and nurses (Beaumont, Durkin, Martins, & Carson, 2015)
- significantly reduces feelings of shame, irrational beliefs and social anxiety (Candea & Tatar, 2018)
- helps to cope with procrastination and perfectionism (Barnard & Curry, 2011)
- motivates to change for the better, study harder and avoid repeating past mistakes, especially in relation to health: helps to follow a diet, quit smoking or do sports (Germer & Neff, 2013)
- According to Christine Neff's research, people with self-esteem are less likely to worry and suffer from depression. And this increases life satisfaction. Neff et al. (2007)
- In Robin Flanigan's book, it is said that self-criticism is paralyzing, leads to a stupor, especially if a person has an anxiety disorder or depression. Robin Flanigan "The Kindness Cure" (2017)
- When a person sympathizes with himself, he not only does not indulge his weaknesses, on the contrary, he has more motivation to improve himself. Breines and Chen, (2012)
- Brene Brown, a professor at the University of Houston, has spent the last 20 years researching things like vulnerability and courage, as well as compassion and shame. Shame, she says, is a hidden epidemic. Each of us feels it. At the same time, shame is associated with depression, anxiety, grief, eating disorders, and even with addictions and violence. Self-compassion helps us understand and calm our inner critic, allowing us to take bold action and live a fuller life.
Research in the field of self-compassion
- Self-compassion activates the parasympathetic system
- Self-compassion reduces stress, anxiety, depression, and increases life satisfaction
- Reduces interleukin-6 (IL-6), which is produced during stress, which causes inflammation
- Reduces social anxiety during public speaking
- Self-compassion reduces rumination
- Self-compassion is associated with reduced stress and negative feelings and increased life satisfaction in adolescents
- Self-compassion helps you lose weight
- Self-compassion helps you exercise and not drop out
- Self-compassion helps you quit smoking
- Self-compassion helps you recover from an abusive relationship[
- Self-compassion helps parents of children with intellectual and developmental disabilities reduce anxiety and depression
- Self-compassion protects against negative evaluations of parents with autistic children.
- Self-compassion eases the pain of divorce
Check your level of self-compassion
You can find out your level of self-compassion with Christine Neff's test. There are two versions of this test: full (SCS) and shortened (SCS-SF).
- Mriya.run: Space for Conscious Change. Learning, Practice & Tools
- The Hero's Journey
- How does self-compassion change life for the better?