If you feel stuck and unable to make the progress you need, take a look around. Most people adapt to whatever environment they find themselves in. They have what psychologists call "external locus of control" — when they believe that external factors determine the direction of their lives. Therefore, they do not take responsibility for the formation of their own environment, which as a result shapes them.
- Who are the people closest to you?
- How exactly did they enter the closest circle of your communication?
- Was your rapprochement purposeful or just convenient?
- Do these people perceive you as a superior person?
- Do they rank you even lower than you rank yourself?
The fastest way to change your life
If you want to improve your life and achieve success, then you need to surround yourself with people whose standards and requirements for life are higher than yours. As Tony Robbins said, “Your life is a reflection of your standards or what you are willing to tolerate. Most people are willing to put up with unhealthy relationships, poor financial conditions, and jobs they hate. If they are not ready, then all this will not be in their lives."
Have you noticed that highly effective people tend to associate with people who also have a lot of achievements behind them? They simply formed an environment that supports and motivates them to achieve all their most cherished goals. In my opinion, this is what each of us should do. We need to make friends with people who inspire us, support us, give us faith and confidence in our own abilities, and help us realize our dreams.
Sometimes there are periods of decline in life. Apathy, laziness, self-doubt appear. This condition could have appeared for many reasons, but maybe you just have the wrong environment that is pulling you down. In this case, it will be appropriate to analyze the people with whom you spend most of your time. Maybe you just have toxic friends. Toxic people can't be recognized right away. At first glance, they may seem nice and friendly, and we are happy to build a close relationship with them. However, over time we begin to feel the negative influence of these people. Sometimes they are also called energy vampires.
How to recognize toxic friends and break contact with them?
Discomfort arises during and after communication with these people. They do not believe in your success, they can discourage you from fulfilling your goals. If we trust this person, we can listen to his words and we will really have self-doubt, motivation will disappear. These people are not happy for us, but are secretly jealous and wish for failure. After meeting with them, a bad mood and a depressed feeling appear. In the future, this can significantly lower self-esteem.
It is often difficult to say goodbye to these people. These can be our old friends or friends from childhood. When you have determined who exactly from your environment is an "energy vampire" - it's time to remove these people from your circle of communication. You can tell them about it directly. Explain that they have a negative effect on your confidence and that you no longer wish to continue contact with them. If it's hard for you to say that, then just ignore the person and avoid any interactions with them. Over time, she will understand and stop trying to continue communication. Letting people go is really not easy, but sometimes it has to be done to avoid unpleasant consequences in the future.
How does the environment affect self-esteem?
It is very important to assess the degree of fullness of people in your environment, their characteristic habits, lifestyle and outlook. To what extent do you develop in them such qualities as friendliness towards the world, pumping skills, stability of self-esteem, the ability to inspire and support? Think, are there people with a high level of intelligence or down-to-earth and short-sighted individuals who do not care about your interests? How hardworking are they, do they show concern for their own health, do they enjoy some hobbies, fight for their dreams? All this is important, everything has already affected you.
If you like the environment, it makes you want to grow and learn - this is a good sign! One should hold on to such people, be grateful to them. Well, if there are people in front of you whom you don't want to see at all, but you are tied to them by a sense of duty, a shared past, business contacts, or you are simply afraid to refuse - think about why you should do this? There is no need to cover up laziness and internal passivity in relation to the world with any excuses. You can change your job, put your parents in their place, we also choose our friends and loved ones ourselves. Why do you continue to stubbornly maintain a relationship in which your self-esteem suffers, which suppresses your personality, irritates your feelings, where you are simply used? Do you not respect yourself so much? Then prepare to become exactly the same.
What are the recommendations for dealing with a toxic environment?
- Do not expect changes from such a person. It is much easier to interact with her when there is a clear understanding that the toxic interlocutor is unlikely to ever behave differently.
- Draw clear boundaries, because a toxic person's favorite pastime is to violate the personal space of others.
- Discard politeness and mark the limits of what is acceptable.
- Take control of the conversation.
- Toxic people are skilled manipulators, so follow the direction of the conversation so as not to fall into a trap. It is not as difficult as it seems. You can cleverly change the topic of conversation to cool down the interlocutor.
- Do not give clear answers to uncomfortable questions.
- Toxic people love to trap others in a funnel of negative emotions. If you fall into it, you will become a victim of provocations and you will respond with negativity for negativity. And therefore — you will lose your balance.Pexels
- Be straightforward, but discreet.
- A clear formulation of one's position very often scares toxic people. Openly say that you are not satisfied.
- Filter information about yourself.
- Toxic people are often excessively open. This is one of the ways to gain trust. And it's perfectly fine if you feel the urge to be frank in return. But remember that the personal information you provide can later be used against you.
- Reduce the duration of communication if you cannot completely give it up.
- Try to empathize with toxic people, because they were not born this way, but for one reason or another they did not learn to meet their needs in an ecological way.
- By understanding this, you will first of all help yourself not to become a victim of provocations and distance yourself from such a person with a feeling of compassion, not anger, hatred and irritation.