Such people often evaluate themselves based on the results of their activities.
How to discover perfectionism in yourself
Here are some of the most common signs of perfectionism:
- you strive to achieve an ideal result in some area of your life - or maybe even in several;
- if you make a mistake, you perceive it as a total failure and disaster;
- you often feel dissatisfied with yourself or others - relatives, friends, colleagues;
- you are horrified by the attitude of your colleagues at work to their duties - it seems strange that they do not strive to do as much as you;
- you don't want good, you want better, so you often devalue what you've already achieved.
- the inner critic never rests and constantly reminds you that you are lazy and incompetent, and could do everything much better;
- you can quit if you are sure that you will not succeed in doing everything right the first time. Or procrastinating for fear of making a mistake - you don't like 'trying'.
What perfectionism can lead to
Exaggerated demands on oneself and the endless pursuit of an ideal can turn into a lot of psychological problems. Yes, perfectionists often suffer from anxiety and self-doubt, they always feel that "something is wrong", they constantly experience failure and disaster.
When evaluating himself and others, a person relies on cognitive distortions—it is they that make him feel like a worthless loser, suffer from impostor syndrome, or feel like he is "not a good enough father." Even real facts that say that everything is not so bad will not convince the perfectionist - he will still not be satisfied.
Perfectionism is also linked to emotional burnout and depression. The first occurs as a result of mental and emotional exhaustion caused by excessive mental and psychological stress.
What to do with perfectionism
Perfectionists find it difficult to accept help, because they are sure that they can handle everything on their own. However, first it is important to simply understand the problem and consider what is happening to you. For example, you can ask the following questions: What does this attitude to life give me? What do I gain and what do I lose? In what ways does perfectionism help me, and in what ways does it greatly hinder me? It may turn out that you earn good money, but your health suffers too much due to lack of sleep and rest. Then you can try to follow the instructions.
1. Find out who instilled such beliefs in you
It is important to find the original source: when did you first think about what an ideal mother, daughter-in-law, wife, employee should be? When did you realize that you have no right to make a mistake? Who could influence you? Was this man happy?
2. Don't do everything "perfectly"
Conduct an experiment: choose 3-5 tasks and try to consciously not do them "on top of five". And then evaluate the result: you have passed the work with which you are 80% satisfied, you are waiting for a reprimand from the boss, condemnation of colleagues. As a result, it turns out that your work pleased everyone - and you spent half as much on it as you could have.
3. Work with responsibilities
Make a list of what you should be, what you expect from yourself. Perhaps there will be various maxims in the spirit of "I must always look my best", "people must like me", "I must not be angry". And then look at the list and think - is it really possible to achieve this?
