The New Year is a magical time when we promise ourselves to start a new page, to write it from scratch, without mistakes. But who says we have the right to judge our past so harshly? Every time we think about our failures, we create alternative scenarios in our minds, as if our lives were a novel that could be rewritten. What if we had chosen a different path? What would have happened? Would there have been an ideal future that we didn't achieve? But the truth is that life is not like a book where you can turn a page or write it over again. We live in a world of circumstances, emotions, fears, and hopes that shape our every decision.
The older we get, the heavier the burden we carry becomes
Over the years, our “suitcase” of unspoken words, unconscious mistakes, and broken dreams becomes heavier and heavier. Each of us has moments we are ashamed of. Actions we have taken or words we have left unsaid.
Sometimes it seems that we can simply run away from our mistakes, faults or injustices. We can shove them under the bed and let them gather dust while we focus on new plans and challenges. But these shadows of the past don't disappear - they just wait patiently for their time. At night, when you fall asleep, or in moments of silence, they cautiously crawl out from under the bed. In dreams or thoughts, they bring you back to situations that you would like to forget, but have not been able to.
The worst thing is when this past becomes the basis for new life scenarios that we begin to unconsciously live. Some people build their lives on the desire to prove something. A man who was underestimated by his parents as a child becomes a perfectionist, painfully seeking recognition. A woman who has been betrayed by her lover unconsciously chooses partners who are also capable of deceiving her, as if she is looking for an opportunity to rewrite her pain.
Our skeletons in the closet are not only disturbing memories, they form scenarios that we repeat over and over again.
Mistakes that don't let go
We all have those fateful moments that we return to in our minds at night. Mistakes that keep us awake at night. “What if I had said something different then? Taken a different path? Protected myself or someone close to me?” We spend years trying to regain control that, in truth, was never there.
Sometimes we punish ourselves: for weakness, for trust, for emotions. We become cruel to ourselves, looking for a way to atone for our mistakes. But punishment does not change anything. It only reinforces the image of a person who deserves pain.
Revenge that eats you up from the inside
There is another side to guilt - the desire for revenge. We think we can regain the lost balance, restore justice, and make the world work according to our rules. But revenge is a trap. It fuels the past, leaving us hostage to it.
You may not even realize how this is happening. Imagine continuing your career just to prove your former boss wrong when he underestimated you. Or building a relationship with a partner, unconsciously wanting to show that your value is much greater than anyone else ever thought. Fueling our existence with these attempts, we don't even notice how revenge becomes part of our identity. We decide to work ourselves to exhaustion, to give up joy, to silently accept the injustice of others as if it were some kind of silent atonement.
But is it worth it?
What does it mean to forgive yourself?
Self-forgiveness is the ability to recognize that we are not perfect. That we will always make mistakes because we are human. But it also means realizing that the decisions you made at the time were the only ones possible for you at the time.
To forgive means to stop punishing yourself for the past. After all, every mistake is a lesson. Is it always a pleasant one? No. Is it always necessary? Absolutely.
- Accept your humanity. Allow yourself to make mistakes because that is what makes us human.
- Examine your scenarios. Think about whether you unconsciously repeat the same actions, trying to compensate for something? What mistakes have affected you the most? What do they continue to mean to you?
- Let go of the past. This does not mean forgetting or ignoring it. Letting go means to stop carrying the burden of old decisions into new life situations.
How to rewrite your life scenarios?
- Recognize that the past does not define you. It is only a page of your story, not the whole book.
- Focus on the present. What can you do now to start living differently?
- Learn to appreciate your lessons. Every mistake taught you something. What experience have you gained?
Give yourself the gift of forgiveness
On the eve of the new year, think about the main person you need to forgive. This is not your offender, not your former friend, and not even the one who left you in a difficult moment. It is yourself.
You deserve to be forgiven. Not because your actions were flawless, but because you are a person who is doing everything possible to move forward. By forgiving yourself, you can let go of the past and finally make room for a new future.
So this year, give yourself permission to be yourself, even with your skeletons in the closet. After all, we all have them. But only you decide whether they will dominate your story.
Accept yourself. Forgive yourself. Move on with your life.